From Asylum To Where - Comments

Wow.
That was seriously, awesome.
I agree with the point that aphorism and RhetoricalTendencies made, about the "white" comment. There was such truth in that line that it was crazy!

I really, really, really, really want you to update like, soon.
I need to know where your going to take this.
Loved the first chapter, and I'm sure I'll love the rest.
x.

Ohhh man. I'm glad I finally--ahem-- got to look at this. I'm awfully intrigued. Which basically means I would love to see more. Yes?Even though it has always been said that white represented ‘purity’ and ‘innocence’, nothing felt particularly pure about this place, this… prison.
Something about this line was GOOD stuff.

Richard closed the book for the last time and followed the nurse down the hall, absentmindedly looking around at the white walls that occasionally screamed out at him.
I think this was a fantastic way to conclude the chapter. I loved this last bit.

So, I don't have much to say, except that I'd like to read more so I can get a better idea of it.:) I'm feeling this story.

STORY REVIEW

I thought the begining was really cool, and I like the way that you stressed how the white was kind of ironic, because it represented purity and innocence but the place was the complete opposite. I don't think many people would have thought about that.

The second paragraph leaves me with questions and really makes me want to know exactly what happened to Richard. I really want to know what is wrong with him.

One thing I don't like is the cliche-ness of the story. So far, he kind of has all the "been there done that" problems. The cutting and the drinking. I think that the story is different and unique in it's own way the way most stories are, but the cutting and the feeling behind that don't strike me as interesting. ("the only way he could feel remotely ‘good’ about anything was by shoving a razor blade into his flesh.") That line is what made me think that. I think that if it was worded a bit differently it might not seem so cliche.

The eating disorder made things seem even more cliche, but at the same time it kind of worked. I still want to know what was wrong with Richard, but at the same time I wish there was something extremely different about this story so far.

One thing I really liked was how at the end you tied the white back into it and how much the main character disliked it. I had almost forgotten about how you had mentioned that earlier, and tying it back in at the end of the chapter was really neat.

Overall, I thought this was very interesting. Hopefully this won't be just another story about a boy with an eating disorder, and a drinking/cuttting problem. I think that it has the potential to go in a completely different direction.

I like it :) :)
Update soon!!!

xoxo -Miss Crayola