October 28th, 2009 at 02:43pm
OMG THIS STORY. It's my favourite by you and it's totally getting linked on my homepage because of its epicness. I actually laughed out loud a few times and I got paranoid that my flatmates will hear me because I'm odd like that. But yeah. This was a very entertaining read, and the best thing was that it was written in such a believable way! Basically, this is me saying that I love this oneshot.
It was good how you started with dialogue. There wasn't a big build-up with Kaoru anxiously waiting in the queue to finally meet Die, we're just instantly thrown into the meeting with no backstory and to be honest it worked really well for the story. The pace was quite fast but that's not a bad thing because like I just said, this story worked really well. And I love Die's introduction, what with him asking Kaoru if he's seen him before. It makes the whole Kaoru!stalker story so much more believable because this shows that Die has obviously noticed him before now.
This really made me giggle. Daisuke Andou, heartthrob of the twenty-first century, popular amongst hormonal teenage girls and, apparently, amongst bearded men in their early thirties, judging by my sudden obsession with the redheaded actor. Like, seriously. Laugh out loud. You got the whole teenage fangirl thing exactly right, and I love Kaoru's little addition at the end. He knows that he's the same as the teenagers in a way, except that he's obviously a bit older than them! XD It's almost as if he's trapped in an adult's body when his mind is like a teenage girl's when he thinks about Die.
This was really interesting to read. I give my best dashing smile, one that hasn’t won as many awards as his. It shows that Kaoru is a little self-conscious, and he worries a little about what Die will think of him, because in his mind he doesn't think he's anything compared to Die. I think he may have a bit of low self-esteem because he spends so much time alone, watching Die (who he thinks he'll never be able to have).
I loved this little moment! “Kaoru. Kaoru Niikura.” “Well, Kaoru Kaoru Niikura,” He laughs at himself (I put into one line to make it easier to quote.) I love how quick Die is, and it's cute how he makes a little joke. And let's just say I know exactly what it's like to be in Kaoru's shoes at this point - I know what it's like to be playfully made fun of by somebody famous who you adore XD In fact, I can really empathise with Kaoru throughout this story!
This was cute, and again made me giggle. My mouth opens and closes several times in a gormless manner, making me look like a goldfish with a goatee or just an idiot. Kaoru really doesn't have very high self-esteem, does he? He thinks that he looks stupid with everything that he does, and he appears to have melted into a puddle on the floor because he's finally speaking with the man who he completely and utterly adores. He's worrying about the impression he's leaving in Kaoru.
And here begins the daydream! ~~ My eyes snap open, out of focus and glazed over. I like how the story just eased into this, and the first time I read this, I thought that it was really happening and it wasn't just a figment of Kaoru's imagination. It just seemed to make complete sense to me.
The sex scene...wow. :yah Very nicely done! XDD I half-wanted it to be a little bit longer, in all honesty! But at the same time, it was good that you stopped when you did because it's like it was all interrupted - which it was. It was just a daydream and Die's voice pulls Kaoru back out of it and into real life again. Kaoru was basically interrupted mid-thought and to be honest I think that worked best because it really made it more believable - I mean, in real life Kaoru probably wouldn't have been able to recreate the full scene either before being interrupted.
OMFG. “It’s rude to point.” BEST LINE IN THE STORY. I really don't know what to say to that! :lmfao Except that it was rather nicely done! Die spoke quite ambiguously about Kaoru's "problem" and it's just the way it was phrased! I actually did laugh out loud. GAH you are so good at writing humorously! This story basically had me giggling all the way through because of the way certain sentences were phrased and because of the way that the two men act around each other!
And the fact that he wrote his message on the naked photo over his crotch! Omg. XDD You want me? Come and get me. I know you know where I live. To be honest, I think that Die knew exactly who Kaoru was as soon as he set eyes on him! And it was a good way to end the story, not rounding it off completely with Kaoru rushing around to Die's place for hot sex (although that should totally be a sequel :file:), it's quite open and I love it when stories have a bit of an open end because it allows me to make up my own mind up about what happens.
Basically, I loved this story. A lot. XD
Yep. That was my face the whole way through.
It's light and smutty and completely believable.
I always love your writing, Becks, but this was just... wow.
It's going on my profile with the others. XD