Teacher's Pet - Comments

I loved the ending! "Sir, why are their teeth marks on you neck?" Oh god, i'm still laughing!

I like this, you should deff turn it into a story :D

Wow, I love that you took my suggestion! =D

Okay, new review. (The official judging will take place next weekend where I will reread every entry, so any changes you want to make, if they are made by October 24, will be judged as such, not as the first draft. Make sense?)

"If I wanted to be just your teacher, I wouldn't have said that, but carry on, please." much better than the line I came up with, I LOVE IT!

I like how Gabe mentally yells at himself in Spanish, cute!

"...making the innocence I’m sure he lacks, but conveys so well, stand out even more." Well hot damn. I love myself an "not-that-innocent" innocent Ryan. =DDDD

" Do you think it's fair I ask for your first name, professor? I mean, we're not children, if I'm to moan out your name, I don't think you'd want to me say Saporta" My jeans you ask? They were creamed. And I'm not even wearing jeans! Thats how much I love that line!

"Can I touch you? Can I taste you? Can I fuck you, sir?" Ryan's a bit of a whore, no? XD

“Gabriel Eduardo. Do I call you Gabriel?” Yeah, he's a whore.

"Sir, why are there teeth marks on your neck?" Yes, explain that, Gabe---Mr. Saporta.

Overall, much improved. Love, love, love. It was hot but also pretty cute. I love how Gabe is more awkward then Ryan is. Its like, Gabe is so confident and dominating but in the bedroom it's possible that he is the submissive. Same with Ryan, he seems like a submissive type, so I love how you switched the roles. It was very unexpected, I thought at first that Gabe would, like, shove Ryan against the desk or force him to give him a blowj, but he was kinda timid. And immagining him blushing...*drools*.

Yeah, I love this. I'm super glad you entered and listened to me. Ooooh, this makes me want to read the other entries now! =D With this entry, it's gonna be a tough fight.

x's and oh's
Katie

First note, translations. I know that they are necessary, but I think you could have done them like this

“Buenas tardes el Sr. Ross y Sr. Thomas. Sugiero el tema que usted discute las paradas ahora o yo le tendré lo discute en español antes que sus compañeros de clase y los tiene traducen. Mi aula no es el área para las riñas de amante.” (“Good afternoon Mr. Ross and Mr. Thomas. I suggest the topic you are discussing stops now or I will have you discuss it in Spanish before your classmates and have them translate. My classroom is not the area for lover's spats.”)

It just makes it easier for people who don’t speel spanish, like me, to not have to scroll down and read. I like that line though, and I really like that you made a point to recognize the age difference and make Gabe a teacher =D

Edit for this line: “I shouldn't say that because I am your teacher.” (I’m using the english line, so I can keep my train of thought XD) I think you might want to change it to something like “I wish I were saying that just because I am your teacher”. Or “It should be something I say, just as a teacher…but…”. It’s up to you, of course. I just think it would reflect the ‘forbidden love’ thing, but that’s just my opinion.

I think the first chapter/entry could be a bit longer. Actually, I think that it should only be one entry (or maybe two) but a long one. Like, when Ryan comes back he and Gabe start talking (in English) and blah blah blah then they start, like, ‘getting it on’, or just making out if you aren’t comfortable writing sex scenes, and Gabe only lets Ryan speak in Spanish or he punishes (teases) him. These are just my ideas, I have a pervy mind. I would like more of this though, I just way one entry because I think that would be easier to do than chapters, especially if you wanted to enter them all in my next weekend. But if you really want chapters, I could postpone the judging.

Overall, I really like this and I’m glad you entered.

X’s and oh’s
Katie