November 25th, 2009 at 10:45pm
This was really cool to read. In all honesty, I've never seen something quite like it. I really liked how it all fit together, and the ending was stunning to me.
Though I must say, the background was really bright, and it was hard on my eyes to read the writing on the lime green. But that won't affect the judging. XD I'll let you know the placings when the contest is over.
So maybe I'm a "cliché." So maybe I'm that girl that people say is unique, but in all truth I'm "uniquely" the same as a thousand other girls. But hell, sweetie. If you're lucky enough to meet me, you're sure as hell going to remember me.
I really loved your opening paragraph. It got me curious right off the bat. You have a good way of phrasing things. Not many writers I've seen have had such good phrasing techniques. Good job.
The sheets of my own bed felt good on my exposed skin. I examined the black—slightly shiny—pile on the floor by the door. It looked like a puddle, of what I didn't know. It could be blood turned black by the filtered lighting. It could be tears shed from a woman's eyes, battered and bruised, left alone in a strange bedroom, exposed and violated.
I loved this paragraph. I think it was probably my favorite out of the entire story. Great job, really. I like how morbid it feels, and then how she contradicts that morbidity with the following line, Damn, fatigue really brought out the morbid poet in me.. It was a very interesting paragraph.
And then I woke up. Yeah, this time I remembered falling asleep. It was a dream, of course. I wasn't in a guy's bed, or a shadowy room with silky black puddles. Nope it was my bed, with no shadows. Just an alarm going off and band posters staring at me. Yeah, I'm a cliché. I'm a girl dreaming of the life of a woman. Oh, baby. I'm a classic. Just like that little black dress.
This was a perfect ending. I loved it to no end. Great, great job. I applaud your skills in writing. I'll let you know the placings of the contest at the end of the judging.