First of all, I have to say: I love the picture you used in the layout. It’s hot! XD Also, I’ve never read very much Avenged Sevenfold slash, so I’m interested to see what you’ve come up with. The title brings to mind “We Are The Champions” for some reason, but that’s awesome for me, because I love that song. And I haven’t even started reading yet. XD
Matt was always the competitive one. He had to be the absolute best in everything, he had to.
I love how you described Matt in these two sentences. It makes him a very 3D character in my head. ^__^ I love that. There’s not enough authors out there who do that very well. Kudos to you for pulling it off in an amazing way.
"If that wasn't a foul, why the fuck did I end up on the ground?"
I love this sentence; it makes me giggle. I could actually see Brian saying something along those lines. I really could. :) And even moreso, I love Matt’s reply to the question. I actually started laughing out loud, which is causing my mother to give me odd looks. XD
"One and one," Jacoby's voice chirped, trying to cut through the tension.
I like this sentence as well. ^__^ It makes me do this: XD It’s adorable. I could feel the tension between Matt and Brian already, and when you had Jacoby interject with this line, I felt the tension kind of melt away. You created an atmosphere for me as a reader; I loved it. :)
He could feel Matt's hands on his hips, finding him and pressing his ass directly into Brian's crotch. The perfect box out, but it wasn't necessary.
I like how you put this sentence in, but I got a little confused with the second sentence. Maybe I’m missing something, or maybe it’s a basketball term, but I’m not sure what a box out is, and why it would be unnecessary. But maybe that’s just me; I know next to nothing about sports like this; the sole exception being snowboarding. ^__^
"Eat that shit!" Matt yelled, his dimples apparent through the arrogant smirk plastered on his face.
I could actually see Matt yelling something like this out, so I liked to see it in the story. I can also visualize his dimples, and the way he put the ball in the hoop. I like the imagery of this story overall. ^__^
Matt joked and laughed with his teammates, simultaneously checking out Brian in his bent over state.
This brings the sexual tension between Matt and Brian to a start for me; I can see the start of some smut coming on. XD
He'd almost just let the words, "When'd you get so pretty?" come out of his mouth. Matt would've punched him in the jaw and then he'd have to nurse two injuries because of stupidity.
I loved this paragraph. I don’t know if you meant to make me as a reader laugh, but I did. ^__^
Brian put a hand dangerously low on Matt's naked chest, his fingers slipping in and out of the elastic band of his shorts. "No teasing," Matt growled, pulling away from the kiss just for a moment. The shorts were hastily yanked off.
I think this may be one of the hottest exchanges that read in a slash story before. No joke. I actually felt like maybe I was witnessing something that was too private for me to be reading. :) Again, you’re fantastic at creating an atmosphere for the reader.
"Lockers. We've not done that for a while." Matt chuckled before sliding a hand slowly and provocatively down Brian's chest and grabbing a hold of the hard dick waiting there.
I never guessed that they’d had previous sexual encounters, but this makes me think that they did. :) I love the way you added this in; I don’t know what it is about this sentence, but I like it a lot.
"You be the champion on the court, and I'll be the champion in the bedroom."
This is a perfect way to end this. :) I love the ending to no end, if that makes any sense. It’s an amazingly simple, but wonderful, sentence.
You have made me reconsider reading A7X slash. I may have to read more of it now, thanks to your awesome one-shot.
The only thing I have to say constructively is that the paragraph structure isn’t quite right; there should be a space between each line of dialogue. It didn’t confuse me, but I can see how it may confuse other people. :)
Overall, I’m very glad that I read and reviewed this. I hope the review helps you.
Matt was always the competitive one. He had to be the absolute best in everything, he had to.
I love how you described Matt in these two sentences. It makes him a very 3D character in my head. ^__^ I love that. There’s not enough authors out there who do that very well. Kudos to you for pulling it off in an amazing way.
"If that wasn't a foul, why the fuck did I end up on the ground?"
I love this sentence; it makes me giggle. I could actually see Brian saying something along those lines. I really could. :) And even moreso, I love Matt’s reply to the question. I actually started laughing out loud, which is causing my mother to give me odd looks. XD
"One and one," Jacoby's voice chirped, trying to cut through the tension.
I like this sentence as well. ^__^ It makes me do this:
He could feel Matt's hands on his hips, finding him and pressing his ass directly into Brian's crotch. The perfect box out, but it wasn't necessary.
I like how you put this sentence in, but I got a little confused with the second sentence. Maybe I’m missing something, or maybe it’s a basketball term, but I’m not sure what a box out is, and why it would be unnecessary. But maybe that’s just me; I know next to nothing about sports like this; the sole exception being snowboarding. ^__^
"Eat that shit!" Matt yelled, his dimples apparent through the arrogant smirk plastered on his face.
I could actually see Matt yelling something like this out, so I liked to see it in the story. I can also visualize his dimples, and the way he put the ball in the hoop. I like the imagery of this story overall. ^__^
Matt joked and laughed with his teammates, simultaneously checking out Brian in his bent over state.
This brings the sexual tension between Matt and Brian to a start for me; I can see the start of some smut coming on. XD
He'd almost just let the words, "When'd you get so pretty?" come out of his mouth. Matt would've punched him in the jaw and then he'd have to nurse two injuries because of stupidity.
I loved this paragraph. I don’t know if you meant to make me as a reader laugh, but I did. ^__^
Brian put a hand dangerously low on Matt's naked chest, his fingers slipping in and out of the elastic band of his shorts.
"No teasing," Matt growled, pulling away from the kiss just for a moment. The shorts were hastily yanked off.
I think this may be one of the hottest exchanges that read in a slash story before. No joke. I actually felt like maybe I was witnessing something that was too private for me to be reading. :) Again, you’re fantastic at creating an atmosphere for the reader.
"Lockers. We've not done that for a while." Matt chuckled before sliding a hand slowly and provocatively down Brian's chest and grabbing a hold of the hard dick waiting there.
I never guessed that they’d had previous sexual encounters, but this makes me think that they did. :) I love the way you added this in; I don’t know what it is about this sentence, but I like it a lot.
"You be the champion on the court, and I'll be the champion in the bedroom."
This is a perfect way to end this. :) I love the ending to no end, if that makes any sense. It’s an amazingly simple, but wonderful, sentence.
You have made me reconsider reading A7X slash. I may have to read more of it now, thanks to your awesome one-shot.
The only thing I have to say constructively is that the paragraph structure isn’t quite right; there should be a space between each line of dialogue. It didn’t confuse me, but I can see how it may confuse other people. :)
Overall, I’m very glad that I read and reviewed this. I hope the review helps you.