Blooming - Comments

OMG this story is amazing but pls update soon i want to know what happens with savannahs love life

I really love this. too bad people on Mibba dont hardly appreciate original fiction anymore, because I am loving this. *subscribes*

Awww, chapter 15 was so cute. I like it.

I feel the need to introduce myself before I leave a comment because I'm rooted in social niceties like that.

Hey, I'm Hannah. How's it going?

That does it for the introduction, shall we get down to business?

I saw that you were in the market for comments and I have nothing better to do at the moment and I liked the title of your story so I figured I'd give it a shot and maybe better the literary world in my quest, because oh yeah, I'm such a generous person. Tis the season.

Alright, I'm going to put this out there before I do any serious critiquing: you're a good writer. I'm not saying that to feed your ego-monster (that is, if you have one) but I do mean that in all the technical sense of the word. You've got a set of writing chops at your disposal, it just depends on what you'd like to do with them. It seems to me that you've got talent, but it does need some good 'ole fashioned TLC. Some talent honing, if you will. There's a compliment in there, in case you were wondering. I know there are some people out there who just aren't born with that kind of gift, despite their best efforts otherwise, and you my dear, are a member of the select few who don't fall under that category. (On an unrelated note I also like how you're all humble about your writing. I know some people on here that get all puffed up with compliments and it injures the little skill they do possess. But you're kind of laid back about it, you know? So, definite brownie points for you.)

I also know that this won't sound like advice, but I recommend reading, and maybe reading material that's outside your comfort zone. Something edgy, something innovative, prose that's so gorgeous it makes your lungs ache, writing that makes your head whirl, you know? I like writing that makes me dizzy. Venturing outside the young adult section will broaden your horizons and that will consequently open up new doors for your writing which will consequently make it a success (I don't mean success in the general sense, since most people have pretty stunted taste. I mean success in the way that really matters. Some of the best writers are the most ignored, on this site anyway.)
I mean, you can't be a good writer without being a better reader, and I firmly believe that. It's impossible. As a matter of fact, I wish people on this site would do more reading. It'd do them all a world of good. It would do the world good.

Grammatically nothing jumped out at me, so that's a definite plus since I rarely see such an unmarred story on here. I don't know why I felt the need to say that, but I guess I'm used to addressing such problems.

Moving along. This is a matter of personal taste, so feel free to ignore me, but I personally hate when people mention store/brand names. I think it's tacky and unnecessary. Maybe that's just because I hate the Man. Kidding, just kidding.

You mentioned that you thought this story was bland. I don't think it's bland, there's some personality there. It's just bare bones. I know it's not everyone's bag, but my favorite kind of writing is edgy bordering on physcological. I'm not saying you have to go all Palahniuk on me, because personally I find he's too intense, but some interesting details would be welcome. Something I haven't seen before. It doesn't have to raise eyebrows, per se. It should make me think though, because a lot of this story seems to be filler. I gloss right over it. I mean, you have no burrs or snags, that's great. But you need something to make reading your work worthwhile, I guess is what I'm trying to say. It's good to go kind of crazy when you're writing, so long as you can reel it back. You can edit out things that are unfit, but it's nice to have something to work with. What I'm getting at is that this story is quite literally, the perfect model for 95% percent of stories on this site. It's what most of them aspire to, but are incomprehensibly unable to attain. But that doesn't necessarily make it good. I mean, you've accomplished that feat, but I think you should aim higher because you're not utilizing your potential. I'm not sure what else I can say to elaborate on this point, but this is something that you're going to have to work through, something that you're going to have to do by yourself. The only way I can think to suggest is to make your sentences longer, maybe having more meat to them. The way they're formed now has a sort of mechanical feel to them. Done lecturing, just some food for thought.

The idea behind the story is kind of fascinating, if not heart wrenching. I kind of wish you'd chosen to do something with it other than the same fertile teenage preggo concept, but plot has never really been essential in my opinion. I can read something that may be considered cliche and still maintain a high opinion of the writer if the writing is good. Case in point, Virginia Woolf.

I do like the subtle sarcastic tone to this. It's not overt, so I can handle it, and it makes the story kind of smart.

Alright, finished. I hope you don't take my criticism the wrong way, because I meant it all in the best way possible. I always feel so guilty afterward.

definitely liked the new chapter, thought it was cute
can't wait for what's next

Haha, will do. Thanks!

Okay so I love this story.
But I hate how that last chapter ends in a cliffhanger.
So UPDATE SOON YO!