Paper Hearts - Comments

Please please please update soon! This story is amazing and I get butterflies reading it (: You're an amazing writer and have Jim down perfectly!

aww that was really cute! i loved it

I am a very big fan of the Office, so this is definitely like finding a diamond in the rough for me. I know that I am ridiculously late to the game here, but I really enjoy this story. There is this style that you write in that makes the story come to life. I actually want to what happens with Jim and Jana. I am also glad that while you introduced Jana's character as Jim's love interest, that you didn't bash Pam. I love every character and how she interacts with them. This is probably a long shot, but I'd love it if you'd continue this somehow. Truely.

I love the Office, well the few episodes I've seen of it I really love.
It's so cute and just hilarious.
This story is the epitome of awesome, not going to lie.
I'm really into it and I think this will be the story I subscribe to.

Seriously, I have such a crush on Jim. Someone should make a story about Dwight, I'd totally read that. XD

I'm really hoping you update this soon, I was shocked to see this as the ONLY Jim Halpert story on mibba.

My god this story is fantastic! You should really consider updating.

Okay, so I was bored today and thought, "Hey, I should look for stories on mibba." I scanned my brain for something to search for and then The Office popped into my head. So I searched and this is what I got. I LOVE IT! Jim is just so cute all the time and Jana is really exciting and ambitious and has this really wonderful energy. You also have very awesome taste in music, I must say. I do believe that music is a very important influence on a writer and you've done so good with letting your musical influences show in this story. I do have one suggestion for a song that I think goes quite well with The Office. It's called "You're So Damn Hot" by OK Go. Anywho, I'm done rambling now. You should update soon!

Still love it! (:

I've never watched the Office before, not your American version anyway, but this is plain great.

Your characters are just incredible, they don't change personality-wise -like a certain meyer's do- they're dialogue is believable, they just mesh well with the story. They actually give it a sort of vibrance, it makes the story come to life - sorry to sound overly cliche. :)

I don't do this often, but you're forcing my hand - I'm subscribing. :D

I've actually never watched The Office, but I love this story.
You make your characters believable and very amusing to say the least.
This was a nice refreshing read.

Wow. I've never read a fan-fic for The Office. (:
I didn't even know people wrote them, I love them so much.
Really glad I found this, you're a good writer.

Story Review Game:

Layout:

I love the banner, and the blue really seems to fit everything. Already I’m drawn in even though I’ve never watched the office, the banner and such makes me want to.

Summary:

Pennsylvania; she

There should be a comma there, it sounds weird when you read it with the semi-colon.

I really love the summary. It gives me a general idea of what I am about to read and, never having watched the office; it gives me a general idea of what the show is about. It also gives the idea of the overall plot, which I like.

Chapter 1:

His office looks like how I imagine some genius five-year-old entrepreneur’s office would look.

I think this is my favorite line. Knowing what I do about the office, this makes me smile on the inside. It fits well with the personality of the character as the people such as I know.

I'm amused and thrown off at the same time, desperate to know what was to come.

Something about that line seemed off to me. I thin it is the tense towards the end. In my head it sounds better like this,

I’m amused and thrown off at the same time, desperate to know what is to come. I’m not sure if it is just me, but I think this sounds a bit better.

I really like how you described the job change. My favorite part about it would probably have to be the line: I had been busying myself by unpacking and settling into my new apartment to keep my mind off of the lack of nightlife here and my own loneliness.

I really like that. It’s just the right amount of descriptive for a situation such as that.

Overall:

I really love your writing style, and this story was very well written. The first chapter for this story was good, and I felt I understood everything even though I am not a fan of this particular show. It introduces the main character well, and I really enjoyed it.

Again, good job! I love it.

Story Review Game
Layout
The banner is really lovely, but the only thing that distracts me is the polka-doted background you have... it hurts my eyes a bit; it made me hit 'default layout'. Perhaps change it to a more eye-friendly layout?

Summary
[...]Pennsylvania; she[...]
The semicolon there should be a comma; it distrupts the flow of the sentence.

I really like the summary; it gives enough information to know what you are getting yourself into, but not enough to give away the whole plot of the story.

Chapter 1
I really liked how you started immediately with the introduction to the main character and the job setting; I really like starts like this one because they're more easy to read and it immediately lets the reader know that there won't be any fillers nor plot-delaying devices here.

Autumn is the season of change, the gateway between the carelessness of summer and the harshness of winter.
This line is my very favorite one. It goes perfectly with the state of change that the character is going through, and it also contrasts the outside world and inner self of the character with the office's setting. I simply liked how well you managed to insert this line in the middle of a work setting without killing off he professional feeling you give with such scenes as an office and a new job.

[...]he laughs and holds out his hand for a high five.
Now that's an amazing boss You actually made me wonder, since I haven't watched the TV show, whether or not the boss is a five-year-old business genius

The character's past job makes me feel a bit iffy about the story... I mean... I do not know if you make clear why would she quit as a fashion model to get into a cubicle in future chapters, but... I don't know... the change seems a bit awkward, as if it wasn't that necessary... but perhaps I just need to read further in to the story to see the character's reasons.

The dialogue flows nicely, though I wish there was more of it... usually, at my first day in a new job, I'd be asking tons of questions of what to do, and just rambling with strangers in order to get my nervousness off; however, the dialogue that you have is realistic and necessary, which is a plus.

Overall
I really did like the first chapter for this particular story; it has potential and it introduces rather nicely the main character and some of the secondary ones without it looking too overly charged with information.

The only thing that really bothered me was the layout... I think that's about it, aside from the dialogue part, but I guess that's just due to the character's personality, more than lack of it.

Story Review Game - Chapter Fourteen.

- Just a little grammar note here, but in the opening lines of this chapter, you really shouldn't have the space between the quotation marks and the words.

Jana sings to the radio while shaking her hair around like a banshee in the passenger seat of my car.
- Um, a banshee? I think I know what you're trying to say, but I'm not exactly sure that banshee is the best comparision here.

“What Greene?”
- Yet another grammar point, there should be a comma after "what". You're speaking to a person, so a comma should seperate their name from the sentence.

Jana’s psyched for it, but she’s psyched for everything, so it doesn’t really mean anything.
- I love how consistant your characters are. Having reviewed a few chapters before this one, I can tell that you know who your characters are and how they should be written. You make your characters so relatable and real - it's absolutely lovely.

“Tour the Ben and Jerry’s factory in Vermont,”
- I think this is a very cute, and very Jana thing to do. It's completely within her character to have an abundance of post-its with all her dreams on her fridge. I think that it's a very original idea.

I lean my head back into the corner of the couch and stare up at the ceiling until I feel my thoughts begin to vanish and everything fades away.
- A really great way to end it. :)

Like you said, this chapter was a bit more fluffy then the others. It was so good. It shouldn't be a surprise to you when I tell you that this was yet another amazingly written chapter. I actually really like this story, and I really enjoy how you're slowly pacing yourself with Jana and Jim's relationship. You're not rushing into anything with them, and I love that about this story. I can't wait to read more, and I'm very excited to see what's ahead for Jim and Jana.

Really good job :)

The receptionist stared at the computer screen in front of her, typed a few words, and tossed a strand of wispy strawberry blonde hair out of her face, -- Not a comma, but a period at the end.

His office looked like how I imagined some genius five-year-old entrepreneur’s office would look. -- Haha! XD

Autumn is the season of change, the gateway between the carelessness of summer and the harshness of winter. While the colors and the air outside were changing, I was changing too. If you're going to use changing twice in the second sentence, you may want another word in the first one, aside from change.

Mr. Scott strolled into the room, an enthusiastic smile spread across his face and his youthful blue eyes sparkling. -- I can picture this; I love Steve Carell XD

“Aw, you don’t have to ‘sir’ me. Even though I’m your boss, I’m your friend first,” -- He would say this!

I awkwardly reached across the desk and slapped his hand. -- YES.

Was he the young and attractive man at the desk in the back or was he the creepy looking old man at the desk across from him? -- Uh oh. You love for JKraz is showing.

“We usually don’t,” she giggled, “Well good luck.” -- Instead of a comma after "she giggled", it should be a period.

This is amazing. I love Michael Scott; he's such an awkward man! So far, it's great; I'm sure there'll be a lot of tension between Jana and Pam.

So cute! Only three more, though? :(

Also, the sticky note thing is cool!

lololol, gotta love jim.
totally loving this story, kandi.
you've captured the characters' personalities so well.
keep these chapters coming, m'dear!

story review game:

Love the layout of this story both on the main page & on the story page. amazing color scheme.

"Palm Reader" by Third Eye Blind. Third Eye Blind has inspired so much of this story, they deserve to have every chapter named after one of their songs.
i like the name of the chapter and that its came from a band
I like how simple it was to read and picture what was going on kudos to you, but it does sound a bit robotic like sort of a tv script. If that was the thing your going for you got it right on. defitly a filler.
i love the refernces to other episodes in the show like the grill. very creative.

-Fuck… I think to myself as I slowly raise up and plop into my bathroom across the hall.
I personally use italic for my characters thoughts.

-Shit, shit, SHIT
thought? as said before about the italics

other than that i think it looks great.

This was really good. I think there needs to be more Dwight... you write him so well! Ha ha. And what's going to happen with Jim and Pam?!

Story Review Game: - Chapter Thirteen.

Fuck… I think to myself as I slowly raise up and plop into my bathroom across the hall.
- I think you've described Jim waking up very well. This is me every morning; dragging myself to the next task. So that was extremely relatable, believable, all that good stuff.

I’m not your alarm clock, it’s not like you’re paying for my services or anything,” Mark replies.
- This one sentence alone really sets up Mark's personality. It's great how you can do that.

Jana strolls over to my desk and slides onto the only empty spot.
- I don't think that onto is the right word to use here. I think into might make a bit more sense. But then again, as I say it over, that doesn't sound exactly right either...
I think it should be into though :/
Maybe lol.

Oh! Before for I forget, there was one little section where you didn't seperate paragraphs. Just a little alignment thing, nothing huge.

I did like the little scene at the high school. I felt like having Jana and Jim size up high school pictures of Jim was a very cute, coupley thing to do. These two are pretty cute together and I love how you write them.

Overall, there wasn't much going on in this chapter, but at the same time, it still made a good read. I find it's wonderful when writers can make a filler chapter interesting. So really good job with it (: