Lost. - Comments

The last line made me smile (:

“It’s awfully late.” a voice says from the darkness.

Ryan jumps, yells, hands immediately going into fists, albeit very awkward ones.

If that happens to me I'd seriously run, not jumping or yelling. Lmfao. ♥_+

Hey, so I saw on the Christmas wish list that one of your wishes was for a comment on one of your more recent stories, so I read through your most recent stories that only had one part, and this one stood out the most. :) Hopefully I can do this justice.

I really liked the way you opened it. It's quite mysterious and the reader is only given a small insight into this character, just a simple description. And often, simple introductions like this are the most effective. I thought this worked well and I liked how the names weren't introduced straight away because it makes the reader feel like the character is a mystery. It fits in well with the title of the story too - lost - because this character just comes across as being lost and alone.

It just seemed so sad about what happened on the roof. The boy doesn’t even have a name. I think this just brings across his regret, and I just get the impression that he just ran from the party because he was scared and didn't know what to do because he didn't want to go all the way and the boy he was kissing did.

I liked how we were given Ryan's name as soon as the voice from the darkness was introduced, and I thought it was clever how we got his name about halfway through the story, rather than just be introduced to him at the start of the piece. It gave it a bit more depth and kept me interested.

Ryan just sounds so...desperate...here. He sighs, huffs. “Help me, please?” It's the fact that he sighed and said please; he's already told Brendon that he isn't very helpful and I think he was starting to annoy him, but aside from that, he just wants help because he's lost and a little bit scared. And he doesn't care that he's asking somebody he's only just met for help.

he’s got an ass like an apple I just really loved this simile! It was a very original description, but a really good one because I can imagine it just right! XD

I thought the last bit was really cute. Brendon leans across the distance between them and kisses Ryan on the mouth, more than a peck, but not enough to satisfy either of them. “See if you can find me in the daytime.” (sorry for quoting a bit) It leaves the reader with something to think about and leaves it open-ended, leaving the reader wondering about Ryan ever does find Brendon in the end.

Overall, cute little piece. I enjoyed reading it. :)

Wow, I really liked that.It was nice and simple, and made me want to read more of it. I really liked the layout too, it suited the mood of the story.

“You haven’t asked for help yet.”

He sighs, huffs. “Help me, please?”

“Okay.”

That made me smile in the best way. Very sweet.

“See if you can find me in the daytime.”
That was my favourite line.

Very well done, I enjoyed that a lot. (:

Amazing, darling. As always.. That table is a great idea. I'll be sure to use it next time I need the inspiration. Thank you for gracing us tonight.

New story. First prompt from my 100 count prompt table.

"Lost".