Frozen. - Comments

This is so perfect! You catch all their characters so god-damn perfectly! It's so hard to come across stories now where the characters are captures just as they are on screen, but you have done it, and with amazing talent. I am just so in love with this right now.

This is amazing, I really like it. And there's nothing like a good ol' bit of McNozzo. ;)
You're descriptions are amazing and I think its incredibly written. (:

One Shot for One-Shot

So I'm not a fan of NCIS, but I have watched it a couple of times.

I love how you reference the title in your summary! It's so simple but it gets the job done.

I also LOVE your descriptions...they are just whoa.

Awesome one-shot!

Story Review Game:

This was, without a doubt, my first NCIS fiction I’d ever read and I just loved it. I loved your writing!

I really liked the banner and the lay-out, it was very readable firstly, and it also gave me a mood to the story.

I loved the first line, I love when authors get right into the action, especially with a bit of dialog. And this dialog seemed pretty intense right off the bat, so I was immediately intrigued. :)

I liked the part where you talked about how the puddle of blood attracted people, because it was so true. We are so obsessed with death.

I really liked McGee, a lot. He was so cute and his lack of action in this whole thing was just so real. I’m sure I wouldn’t know what to do and I don’t even know if I would be able to cry. His character as a whole was just very well-written.

I liked Tony too. I liked the part where he teased McGee about the girl that died. I hate when you say something that is totally inappropriate and you just wish that you could take it back right now but it’s out and there’s nothing you can do. I knew he didn’t mean to say that, but it happens. Tony was a real person, like McGee, just the way you wrote him brought him to life for me. I don’t watch NCIS, so I didn’t know these characters from the beginning, but the way you portray them, even in their dialog, made me so familiar with them and they became people within paragraphs of the story.

I’m not even gonna lie, I cried when McGee was telling the story about this woman. I loved that it wasn’t about the job with him, it was about their relationship. He wasn’t mad that he had made a mistake on duty, but he was hurt that she, as a person had lied to him and made him think that she actually wanted him.

I also liked the part where he said it wasn’t just about her; it was about all women in general. I liked it because, he’s just so angry that he took it all out on women as a complete sex. It reminded me of Hamlet, if you’ve read that; you probably did, where he’s angry at his mother and then all of a sudden, he says “Frailty- thy name is woman!”, it’s just so emotional that he can’t even really control what he’s saying. And that’s the sort of feel I got from McGee when he said what he said.

That kiss was cute. I liked the hug too, the part where you said they could squeeze their confessions so close together that nobody could hear; that was really good. And then that just led into the kiss that was just so adorable! They were both so nervous and confused and I just wanted to hug them both!

The grammar and everything was so great in this! I only found one typo: no inflection was present in the nickname use. The word use, should be used; nothing major. :)

Okay, so, this review would've been about an hour earlier if my mom hadn't insisted we go to the library RIGHT THEN so I was delayed. BUT. I got to read it before I left and I admit, I was all giggly and floating on air, especially because of the dedication. My own unhealthy obsession spawned this? It makes me a little light headed and very giddy because oh my goodness. Just...oh my goodness. I don't even know where to begin!

Just one canon thing I noticed and want to point over before my squealing takes over completely: Ziva doesn't use contractions. (At least, I'm pretty sure she doesn't. I haven't really been paying attention during season seven but the previous seasons she didn't.) I'm just talking about the bit of dialogue in the bit. But it's not a huge thing and I know I've fucked that one up whenever I include Ziva with dialogue. It was just a little thing that popped up in the back of my mind. But, commencing with the fangirling!

Right from the get go I was sad. You decided to write about such a sad scene and therefore I was automatically sad. And then I got swept up into your writing and, gosh, I just wanted to hug my computer and cry. My poor McGee!

This line was really poignant for me:

It was as though the scene had turned into the gallows, noose creaking around a snapped neck as a warm body swung from side to side, and the audience didn’t know how to react except to keep on watching.

It was just...wow. It left me speechless because that's exactly how crime scenes are, with so many people just standing around, watching to see a glimpse of blood, or the body, or at least see the body bag get carried away. And to compare it to the gallows of the previous centuries was just such a small, yet genius, comparison. I adored it and the way you worded it was perfect.

And Tony, of course Tim is your Probie. You know you've thought that before, that wasn't the first time. It was just the first time your conscious noticed it.

And then Tony went to Tim's apartment, and while I was expecting it, I was still like "OMG YAAAAY!" It made me think of the scene in the third season episode of Probie which you mentioned before, when Tony went to see Tim because he knew he was sad and wanted to cheer him up. And I can totally see him doing the exact same thing here, because he cares for his Probie and needs to make sure he's all happy and mentally stable before he can sleep well at night.

Another line that really stuck out to me:

The skin round McGee’s eyes was like dying fuschia leaves against the stark contrast of his puffed up, snowy cheeks. It was the look of an ill man.

My McGee! Oh, this tore at my heart. I could see this so well in my mind and I just wanted to sob and sob and sob at the image. And then grab him and kiss him all better (which Tony did for me, thank God ). Again, it was just one of your genius descriptions; you word things so well, so that I can see it in my mind and yet it's poetic as well. A lot of times, in more poetic descriptions the writer gets so wrapped up in the words that it's hard to follow yet that never seems to happen with you. It's like you have the perfect balance which is what attracts me to your stories in the first place. It's perfect for McGee.

Star Wars shirt! Why am I not surprised? ;D

And don't lie, Tony, it's not very nice. You were checking him out and you know it.

"...Or are you really a stud in disguise – not that I get why you’d hide that from us, mind you – and is this part of your plan? Y’know, ‘Oh, I’m sorry, no couch – make yourself at home in my bed.’"

Oh, Tony. You don't know how much this made me laugh. And then I stopped and thought about it and realized that it would totally work on me.

But then, ooooh, tension. I adore tension between Tim and Tony; it's so hot. But this tension is more sad than hot (until Tony mentions the boxers ) and it just makes me wanna squish Tim to my chest and never, ever let go.

Oh, yes. McGee is a man.

Also, I love having these little bits of denial from Tony. You know, the whole "my Probie" thing and that he didn't "intend" to console Tim like he consoled all those women. Because we all know that is one Big Fat Lie while at the same time referencing what's to come and it's all woven in wonderfully, it flows great.

“Sure - because you, womaniser of the whole Naval Criminal Investigative Service, are going to relate to a computer geek like me who can hardly get a girlfriend, never mind keep one?”

OH TIMMY. UNNGNNGNH. *flails, sobbing* You can keep meee!
...ahem. I really love this line despite how much it gets to me. It's just so Tim. I can imagine him saying this, calm yet half crying at the same time, with a hint of jealousy but mostly just exasperation. Without ever realizing just how gorgeous he really is.

And then Tony's mini-speech following it is just genius. He's usually a smooth talker, a bit arrogant and into his own self, but for this he comes out of that. He hesitates and stutters a bit in the dialogue, but he's just so honest with Tim, showing him that he's not that kind of guy anymore - and in season seven, honestly, he isn't. I mean, he's still the goofy, funny, joke-cracking, movie-quoting senior field agent but at the same time he's really grown up and into himself. He isn't the selfish little partier anymore, and you've captured that perfectly.

AND THEN COMES THE HUGGAGE. YAAAY.
I swear, thinking about physical contact between the two makes me so giggly.

I know the phrase "battling for dominance" is so over-used in these situations, but to be honest, that's what I imagine. The two of them, battling for dominance, grabbing at each other, kissing a little sloppily but passionately and deeply from all that sexual tension between the two. It's just so, gahhhh. And you write it so well! By the time they start kissing I'm just a little pile of McNozzo Sexual Tension goo.

Bigger crotch. -insert immature snicker here- Damn straight you're "straddling a bigger crotch" DiNozzo. ::smirk:

...those icy, soft, yet irrevocably masculine fingers...

Oh oh OH OH. Those fingers! Tim's fingers...
(Why yes, I did quote that just to gush over McGee's fingernails. Why no, I can't help myself in the least. )

“Because if you kiss every girl like you just kissed me, they’re not going to want to let you out of their sight.”

I so wouldn't. And if Tony knows what's good for him, he won't either.

The ending line was perfect. Referencing the "my Probie" thing was perfect. I love that phrase when Tony says it about McGee (because Ziva? She's not a Probie, much less his Probie). This whole story was just perfect. I have absolutely no chance whatsoever in that contest anymore. That's okay, though, because this just deserves to win, hands down. It amazes me how well your characterization of the Tim and Tony are, and just the description and the flow from sadness to happiness which was gradual enough to be believable. Tony should always kiss Timmy's problems away.

I love this story. Hell, I just love your writing, it's incredible.

IS TONY STONED ON THE LAYOUT?! :')

I just quickly read this, as my bed calls, but darling.
You write NCIS better than the shows writers. -insert here-
Beautiful, and thank you for the ded!

I seriously love it.
(Damn smilies not working!)