Benny - Comments

Wow. This was just one word.
Amazing!
I really loved your use of adjectives, it made the scene very visual to me.
I felt as if i was there with Benny!
I will be announcing the winners to my contest soon, so good luck! :D

This story was amazing and beautiful. It summed up feeling that people truly have in just a couple paragraphs. Truly amazing. I am stunned.

I think everyone really summed up my feelings on this story. I really wanted to know more about what drove him to do what he did, and I also wished there was more emotion from his friend upon the realization of what Benny had done.

All in all it was a really good one-shot :)

You're the best writer ever! This story was so powerful with great descriptions. I loved it!

I love the character you created with Benny. I like how real he was and how you didn't skip around to make anything more pleasant. I like that he had some major fucking problem with something and I love the story you told with it.
I love the ending, too, and I suppose, for Benny's sake, I kind of hope he got to keep his utopia.
You're an amazing writer.

Story review game.

I've decided to review your story Benny.

First off, I don't understand the 'curling around on the surface of the bathroom floor' part. It doesn't make sense. How do you curl around on a surface? I think, I could be wrong, that maybe you meant 'curling around the toilet' ? that seems like it'd work better, maybe worded differently.

I like the tone of this story. I like how straight away it's tragic and dreary, and hints at sorrow and a time of hardship. It's sad that he's such a lonely fellow now, and I like how you portray his lonliness and talk about how his passed. How he used to be a better, happier person than the one he is when the story is taking place. The crying bit really tears at me. It's quite simply the saddest thing I've ever read.

I really enjoy your style of writing. I like how you don't shy away from using large words that a lot of people tend to avoid using. It's refreshing, and it's like I'm reading an actual paperback book clasped in my hands.

The way you portrayed his friend is amusing, when it shouldn't be. I don't know if that was your intention, but I found myself smiling at the dialogue. It was just funny, for some reason. It put light into a dark situation that you've created. I don't like the ending though. But maybe that's because I'm a sucker for twisted endings, and happy endings. I don't like sad endings. But overall, this was a pretty good story. I didn't notice any grammar errors, and I just plain overall didn't notice errors period, really. Good job.

this was really good. good descriptions. honestly.

wow....this was really fuckin' good.....no joke! probably my favorite to be honest. you'rE an excellent writer ms. ck! lol :D

Story/Review Game;

First of all I would like to say that I'm glad to be the first comment for this story :]

The summary did it for me. It played out beautifully in my mind, and I love when summaries do that because I want to read a littler deeper into this. Your descriptions are well throughout and I love that.

"Once upon a time, many years ago, Benny used to be a handsome man. But that was in his youth, when his eyes held a doe's innocence and a child's ignorance."- gorgeous line, I like how you set the readers up for that one. The flashback that makes me wonder what road in his life lead him to where he is today. It's sad that that's reality, but the cleverness of it makes me even more interested in this story.

I understood what you meant, but this didn't make sense It'd been a long time since he'd caressed a woman's thigh or felt the warmth of someone next to him. did you mean it's by any chance?

Benny seemed like such a wonderful and smart human being, and I still can't get over the fact that he allowed himself to live the life of how he is in the beginning. I really can't wait to see what went wrong in his life. I seen it done many times where the "it guy" has everything he possibly wants and fucks that all up by one stupid decision....there's so many reasons I can think of as to why, but I'm going to continue reading :]

"Benny pulls the bottle of whiskey to his lips and swallows the strong liquid. It doesn't quench his thirst, however."- now that I have a better understanding of what's going on, I think I should take back what I said, but apart of me doesn't really want to. I see now that Benny doesn't have a good life, but at one point I can tell he did...and wanted it to work. He's the type of character that really gets underneath my skin. This is the first time I read a story about alcoholism and all I can say is you nailed every point. He drinks because he can't solve his own problems and we as readers know he has a problem, but Benny doesn't want to admit that.

"Aw shit, Benny. Please tell me you didn't. Oh God, no." - something about this dialect was emotionless, I didn't feel anything from it, which kinds of drew me out of the story because where the emotion is needed it kind of lacked. How about this Aw shit! Benny..please tell me you didn't. Oh, God, no!" just an idea. Also, the whole scene about Benny being in the bathroom, I was kind of lost as to how he got there in the first palce...and did his friend leave him there? If so what type of friend is that?

"His mind is consumed by this vague darkness filled by emptiness; he just wants to feel whole again."- favorite and most beautiful line. The ending was sad, and full of emotion. I felt it that time.

Is this a one-shot? If so, my God! Everything was painted clearly and it wasn't rushed or anything, but if this is not a one-shot I can see where you can take this, like flashing back and going more deeper into Benny's world as to why he did what he did. You explained it here well, but there's potential to go further.

You are a truly fabulous writer, my dear. I don't say that often, so keep it up!