March 11th, 2010 at 12:34pm
Story Review Game.
I'll have you know that I don't read much slash. I don't mind it, to be sure, I just don't get around to reading much of it. However, after reading this story, I kind of wish I read more of it. Something about it just sort of sunk underneath my skin and made a nest there. Perhaps it was the quirky, matter-of-fact tone that hung overhead the entire time, I don't know. There was almost a moral to the story, I felt. I didn't quite get the moral, but I felt like it existed, and it would exist if I tried looking just a bit harder. If that makes any sense.
Firstly, I liked the layout. Stories with obnoxious layouts are a real turn off, you know? It's simple. Lovely colors, very pastel.
Secondly, as I mentioned before, I liked the over-all tone of the story. It was sort of like a snapshot in time. I believe your characters were from a band, but I don't really know. There wasn't a whole lot of back story or character description, which could have been intentional. There are few people who call pull that off successfully, and you're one of them.
Thirdly, your writing style was very fluid. The short paragraphs work very nicely; it just belongs. I didn't really notice any grammar mistakes; I'm not saying that there weren't any, I just didn't notice them. I doubt you made any though. I liked the ending as well. It was very fitting, somehow.
The only thing that kind of put me off were the lyrics at the end. On one hand, I did like how you made them larger than the surrounding text. On the other, it just didn't seem to flow as well for me. That's probably just personal opinion though.
I mean your boyfriend moaning a different guys name?
God, that's horrible.
But I loved your story anyway(: