November 2nd, 2010 at 01:35am
Okay, first I think I will say that I loved the background cos it was so bright! :D
And second I will say that you really need to check your grammar.
Here's two examples: '... Wednesday was Brain broke up with me... ' For one, I really hope the guys name isn't 'Brain', secondly, you can't go Wednesday was Brain broke..., you need to lead into the clause with a time adjective, eg. when.
Second example: '“On weather I’m ready to tell you,” I said, suddenly serious.' Weather?? I think you mean whether...
Other than that, I think the story was pretty good. It sounds like Kelly has been talking dastardly plans with my friend Lauren.... :S
Rikki xx
Goodluck!
Some grammatical errors, but nothing major.
All-around great entry.
(: