Really like this :)
February 1st, 2010 at 12:11am
I really like it :) You have some great things going for you. If you don't mind I'd live to give you some pointers :)
If anything I would say get more into your character, I know this sounds weird but you need to know your character like the back of your hand so that you can become her when you write, espcially when you are writting in the third person. You need to get to the point where when put in a situation you can say "what would sage do?" and you can answer it. When reading this you get the feeling that you(the author) are like us (the readers) still getting to know the character. If you don't know the character then we can't be expected to know her. By doing this you add more emotion to it and it draws you in. To do this I'd add more feeling and detail through the eyes of Sage. Something like ,
"I stepped out of the range rover, my black flip flops hitting the dirt with power, creating a tournado of dust. I coughed, taking a step back and for the first time noticing this monster of a house in front of me. The white tiled house was atleast 100 feet tall, the windows were placed in the front orderly. The red door in the front, inviting you inside, with a tire swing in the front yard screaming child hood. I'd always wanted one of those, there just wasn't any room for it in the city. "
Something like that. I mean that wasn't very good just cranked that out in thirty seconds but yeah.
I assume, by the title, that this is going to be a love story. I write love stories myself. The only advice I have for that is to make it cute but make sure there is heartbreak. You're goal is to tear the readers heart apart, to set up for a memorible ending.
Always listen to music that reflects the mood your trying to write. I can't tell you why but it always pulls great things out of you. When I'm writting tough things I end up crying. Thats how deep you have to get into your character and the scene/ situation they are going through.
So I hoped that helped you! The only reason I wrote out this novel of advice is because I see really great things happing with this peice. You are a very talented writer I can tell, and with a little bit of extra effort you can have something epic. I mean by no means am I professional writer, these are just things I've been complemented on before. So yeah I hoped that helped and I look foward to seeing more of this!!
btw could you check out my story called innonce and a broken heart. or Love is battlefield? Those would also give you an idea of what I'm talking about :)!! Comment back!! Great work!
