To Symmetry - Comments

There was something very heartbreakingly pretty about this story. The way you used words was piquant and fresh and almost startling, pushing the edge of whether they'd work or not but not crossing the line. I feel a sense of groundedness in your writing, but also a kind of yearning. I'm not quite sure how to say it. The relationship between the sisters I also found sad, but not in a bad way. I just feel for the younger sister because their relationship seems so precarious, ready to fall apart with a few harsh words, yet she never loses her sense of adoration for her sister. And now I shall quote back my favorite sentences from the story (yay):

She promised we could stay there for days without anybody intruding our Neverland, a place that was ours alone, unyielding and imperishable.

We reached that familiar doorstep far sooner than I’d hoped, and its intimacy seemed callous upon return. I know the feeling exactly.

Even as she tore through bedrooms, stuffing them into taut suitcases, I wanted to believe in her.

She lent a contrite smile, her angles calculated and finite. The echoing of ite is poetic, but this sentence seems mathematically constructed somehow (I swear it's not just the angles reference). Actually, I almost feel like there's a odd, delicate branch of math behind your writing. I'm probably insane, but it's something about the precision and the word choice... You can yell at me if this offends you, of course. I will now stop crazying on your page. G'day.
:)

I know this isn't a proper review, but I have to say that you are by far my most favorite author on here.

Seriously. RARELY do I find anyone who honestly possesses the skills of which they're praised for. And I hate that you don't get more recognition, even if you have so few stories, because those few are flooring. Most of the time I'm not very impressed with, well generally anyone's writing skills because they're all the same. But you shine. :)

Story Review Game

Layout: Usually I don’t bother to comment on backgrounds unless they’re unreadable, but I really liked this one. I think the font used for the title is very pretty, both elegant and casual, and it fits well with the image in the background. Also, the colors used blend well together.

Opening paragraph: I liked that you jumped into the story. It makes it a bit more interesting, being dropped into an already ongoing “scene.” I think the description in that first paragraph was very successful in getting the reader interested, describing just enough, and still keeping a bit of mystery.

Naturally, I had to believe in her. It was important for me to believe in her; she knew me better than anybody could ever attempt to.

I liked the way you portrayed the relation and bond between sisters, especially the way a younger sister views (and almost worships) her older sister. I think there’s not enough stories on Mibba that revolve around sibling relationships like this. It was refreshing to read.

“Where are you going?” I asked. “Don’t leave,” is what I’d meant to say.

This was my favorite line in the entire story. I think the wording of this is perfect. The double meaning in her question is just so relatable; it’s such an incredibly human response.

Closing paragraph: And I knew by the bend of her bones, she wouldn’t turn around this time. I think this was beautiful written. I love this last line. It was simple, in a way, but still very…pretty, in a sense.

Throughout reading this, I was confused as to what was going on. At first I thought the girls were tied up somewhere (some kind of kidnapping story), then I thought they were at a club or something – outside and waiting to get in, then it seemed as though the older sister was pulling the younger sister on some kind of wagon or something? I don’t know. I think that the line between ambiguity and just plain confusing was crossed here. The sentiment of the story remained, but I just couldn’t work out the kinetics . By the end, I knew that they had run away, but everything else remains pretty unclear.