Aurora - Comments

it took me a while to read this, thank god i finished it! it was beautiful. every single detail is amazing, and the plot itself is wonderful. amazing job. xx

I forgot how fucking good this was. I'm rereading it instead of doing homework haha

What in the world is this story doing on Mibba?! It should be out in books stores with one of those beautiful covers and intriguing blurbs and have Bestseller written all the way across it. This story is absolutely magnificent, as is your writing. You have this amazing way of giving your characters their own... character! I've fallen in love with each of them. And the way you describe the forest is just so utterly enchanting. I can see it as I read. I can see the whole story as I read it. And I love books that do that. Your writing is truly beautiful! Bear in mind that I actually haven't even finished this yet, but I had to comment as soon as possible. I'm still on Chapter 8. And I'm just in awe at your style of writing. asddfghjkkl;' <3

P.S Go write a book!

After months of slowly reading through this I have finally finished. I will admit that at first I had a hard time getting into the story, but I'm so glad that I stuck with it and finished. It's beautiful like all of your stories. Thank you for writing and finding the time to post here. :)

It's all just so beautifully crafted. Haha, It's just amazing you came up with all of this. Your an amazing writer. Haha, I really do hope you go far with it. Well, if enjoy writing of course. :D
No, you can go far with it.

I love this, but I always end up loving anything you write. You're amazing.
The YouTube video that was linked from the summary page isn't available anymore though.

just read the entire story in a day!!!! Amazing! I kinda predicted it at some points, but it was still so beautifully written! Keep writing!

I have to commend you. To this date, I still walk through a bookstore, and this is the story that I compare all of those published novels to. I'll read something, and wonder how it got published, while this story sits on the internet with all of the intrigue, and intricacy, and elegance that those authors seem to lack. Some cover will catch my attention, and remind me of this story, but somehow they never seem to hold the same allure. Published, unpublished, this has to be one of my favorites.
Its a treasure, please know that. Don't let a single soul tell you differently. Few stories still excite me the way this one does.
Something will bring it to the top of my mind, and I'll get all excited, wishing to know how it ends, until I realize I already do. But you've trapped me in that place. That place where the story still tugs at my mind, and enters my thoughts, and makes me wonder and dream. Yes, some of it has faded from my memory, but these characters... you can't imagine how many times I've taken my own writing and suddenly wished I could do with it what you've done here. This is magic! It's beauty, and mystery, and that stuff that makes you want to ditch geometry, and lunch, and the movie you're watching just to sit and read.
Nothing's perfect, but this definitely deserves a spot on the shelves of bookstores more than what's sitting there now.

I know how much writing affects me(sadly I haven't been doing much of it lately), and I want you to know that this means something to somebody. It made a difference, and you should be proud of it. 'Cause I'm sure proud to have read it.

Just finished reading this :) It took so long because the amazing length of the chapters but I am so glad I read it from start to finish! Aurora has to be the best story on mibba, I wish I'd found it sooner. I am definitely reading the rest of your stories :D

Chapters 9-10
- “Dreaming and half-awake” is a bit of a faulty parallelism. “Dreaming and waking” flows better but is sadly more on the conventional side. Later you do say “When I would wake”, though.
- “The action of Writing Down Dreams.” <3
- “You transform yourself to a child of foundations, brick and mortar” – “to” should be “from”
- I’ve never heard of a blush “rattling” someone’s cheeks before, and I like it a lot.
- “Very blue-green” would be better as “intensely blue-green”. Usually, “very” is a poor modifier and can be replaced with more colorful ones. Actually, I have heard dismaying reports that adjectives and adverbs should be used sparingly as possible in creative writing, in lieu of powerful nouns and verbs. Which sounds silly, because then, what were adjectives and adverbs created for? Simultaneously though, I do see the point.
- I enjoy “strangled look” as well.
- Oh, my! I totally predict that the warrior that fell in love with the Moon Queen is Aurora’s dad!
- Yay, her dream is explained after all.

Chapters 6-8
- I like how Aurora realizes she could shoot Niamh and end her threats, but decides to miss her when she shoots. It was just a really good moment.
- Um, isn’t it a little dangerous for their arrows to be made of lead? Unless the point was to poison whatever they shot, in which case, yes, it’d be clever.
- When Aurora first sees the bears, you use the word “bear” in all of the first six sentences of that paragraph. “Creature” or “animal” are convenient substitutes, though.
- “ ‘I’ve been waiting for you to wake up.’…I saw Adrian had woken up and was standing up…”
- Loved the phrase, “Everything felt broken in all the wrong places.”
- Her hallucinations(?) kind of confused me, as well as what Adrian was apologizing for? Even though it added to my enjoyment of that section rather than detracting from it, if that makes sense.
- I like the different parallels you introduced in part 7, how similar the situations of Aurora and Adrian are, and how similar the pre-hunt rituals of both parties are.
- A crag is a cliff, so saying there’s a crag in the Keeper’s tree doesn’t make much sense…
- And, oh. The ending of chapter 8 was lovely, from Adrian’s dream to Aurora wishing they could be lovers. The reader can guess that the two of them were meant to end up together from the start, but how you take the two of them there is beautiful to see.

I think I've read this story four times and still find something new I hadn't noticed before. You're such an inspiring author. A gem, too. No one could ever duplicate your style. Your words flow together like some stream, the reader gets swept along with said stream, and we aren't let go until those last words have been read. That's the best kind of story. Please, please, please publish something in the future. I would buy as many copies possible and hand them out to my friends to spread along your works, haha.

i just read all of this today. loved it! you are an amazing writer. :D

Chapters 3-5 (I should really read more often :0.)
- The lapses into colloquial modern speech can be just a tad disorienting, given the formal, older tone of the story. "Whore" was unexpected, but since I enjoy occasional bad language, I kind of actually liked it.
- As always, love the intricate details and soft, slightly unexpected figurative language you throw in (e.g. "full of sighs", lovely).
- And of course I love Delphine’s feminism.
- Just have to say, I joined the archery club at my school not too long ago. :) It’s really fun but pretty tough.
- Be careful not to begin too many sentences with “I”. A good guideline in my opinion is no more than 2-3 consecutive sentences, which you usually don’t go beyond anyway.
- I love all the layers and subplots you put in your stories. It’s straight-up pro, no other way to say it.
- Surprising depth to Rosalyn! Nice to see.

And ohmygod the end of chapter five. So intense. =0 :D

Of course you're totally free to ignore my critiques; a large part of it is mental habit and self-enjoyment anyway. :)

I think I will read this chapter by chapter and savor each, because the length is of a very filling quality. (Okay, I am kind of hungry right now, haha.)

Chapter 2 critique and comments (probably would apply to rest of story)
- A few words here and there don’t seem necessary, like “on the in between.”
- The structure of some phrases is verging on awkward, like “Somehow, one of the windows was slightly open,” which I think would sound better as, “Somehow, one of the windows had been opened a crack” or such.
- Typos in general (“he had seemed to understood”, most with spelling and tenses.)
- Homophone confusement (for lack of a better word), e.g. phased vs. fazed.
- Repeated words, e.g. “Rosalyn had been here as long as I had, but had always had disconcerting presence about her... She had a dark, alluring smile that I knew had seduced many of the boys in town.”
A good habit is to read writing aloud and focus on the parts that make you stumble. Also, grammatical errors and repetitions become easily obvious once spoken.

- I loved the line, “I did not have Magdalena's curves or Lise's sweet smile or Ileana's statuesque bueaty or Rosalyn's spun gold hair or Niamh's sooty eyelashes.” Really good parallelism, rhythm, and description. Actually, all your sentences that sound like this stand out wonderfully and are just enjoyable to read.
- “When it rained, she explained, it rained to wash away the world. She was a secretive girl and was drawn to Rosalyn's flaxen haired beauty. Rosalyn only wished to befriend her to order her around, but Niamh could not be bent to Rosalyn's will and when the blonde haired girl realized that, she made Niamh her best friend.” I just really love this passage. There’s a certain fanciful and sweet quality about your writing here that really makes it shiny and unique and distinctive.
- The way you characterize Rosalyn and Niamh, and Lise and Ileana, and Magdalena, is just straight up good. How you take a habit or single trait and manage to expand it to flesh out their entire personality is very special.
- I love her nervous habit of putting her fingers between her legs (okay, that sounded unintentionally dirty). I have never heard of that before and it makes me happy (again, unintentionally dirty, but eh, that’s how things go.)
- “I wished to feel powerful and confident the way Rosalyn did, yet kind the way Magdalena was. Instead I was only awkward.” I don’t think there’s a person in the world who hasn’t felt this way. <3
- Aurora’s sensitivity to wolves is very touching and nicely rendered.
- The fourth and fifth to the last paragraphs are so very elegant and emotive.

I just finished reading the whole thing. I loved it. Absolutely loved it. You're an amazing, inspiring writer and I think you should defeinitely publish this story. :D I give it 5/5 stars!

This is absolutely wonderful. It took me awhile to read, but I love it. So much. (:

The plot is so original, and it had me dying to know what was going to happen next. I love Adrian and Aurora; they're so amazingly complex. You're a beyond brilliant author; keep it up. (:

I can't believe this story somehow escaped my notice. Seriously. So far I've only read the first chapter, but I must tell you it began like a dream. And the rest, I guarantee, will follow soon. I can just tell your utter committedness to the worlds that are your stories by how deeply you go into all the details and emotions, and it's really inspiring to read. :)

I've read this story countless times, from the very beginning you started it.
But I just now, I mean JUST NOW, realized that Aurora's horse has my name.
How lovely.

Whoa, this story was so epic! It was honestly 8 million times better than a lot of the published books I've read :) I'm so so happy you wrote this because it's truly beautiful and I don't think any words I type here will ever do it justice.

It's perfect.