sweet chapter:D just lyk chocolate^^ hershey kisses lyk promised plz? *puppy eyes* come oonn <-- CHOCOLATE ADDICT:D ok not quite but i <333 it now update so u can attach a pic a chocolate 4 me 2 stare at + droolxD
I didn't think the chapter was boring. And you toned it down, but still had a bit of Alana's crazy side. You could probably have put a bit more of her into it.
But the chapter was mainly Paul. Which was good, haha. Boy I can't wait until Jacob finds out, this is gonna be good.
I really like this story idea. So I'll give a full critique on the whole chapter. =)
Good things first: It's quirky, which is good. It shows Alana is a crazy girl, but maybe a bit to wild. I would say tone that down just a tad.
The meeting of the guys was good, Paul just has that sexy smoldering thing going on. I love how he is the bad boy, makes him more appealing. However he is originally the big guy with the bad temper. So it all fits.
Bad Things: Like I said previously Alana has the wild thing going on, which is good, but I think it should be toned down. Because the whole chapter is like only her thoughts and not really descriptions of what's going on. So that kinda makes it a bit more hard to read.
That's basically all I really have to say for the bad things. More description and less of Alana's thoughts. They're good, but try putting in descriptions and actions.
Over all I give you a 7 out of 10 stars! =)
Hope you update soon and please don't let my comment discourage you in any way! As a reader I'm just telling you my thoughts, that does not mean you have to listen.