First comment? I think so. Well, the first thing I noticed was that the font was a little hard to read against the background. Perhaps you could darken the background so the font shows up better? onto the writing: I like it. Some of the sentances seem a little choppy, but for the most part it all flows really well. I loved this line: Angi had taken one look at the note, slipped the card into her wallet, her wallet into her pocket, and left, headed for the city. It just flowed well and showed a lot about her in one sentance. For dialogue, I would suggest putting spaces between each sentance, so it's not one long clump. Does that make any sense? I feel like I'm not making sense. Their interaction is cute. It's that kind of awkward that makes you smile and cringe at the same time. Wow, I definitely did not see the ending coming. That was a really shocking twist, and I really liked the way you wrote it out. The last line was nice, but it could be more powerful. I don't know. Here I go with the not making sense again. All in all, it was nice. I really enjoyed it, it held my attention the whole way through. At first I thought it was going to be one of those boy-meets-girl, they-fall-in-love, live-happily-ever-after kinda things. But you made me pleasantly surprised, and I loved it. Great job.
Well, the first thing I noticed was that the font was a little hard to read against the background. Perhaps you could darken the background so the font shows up better?
onto the writing:
I like it. Some of the sentances seem a little choppy, but for the most part it all flows really well. I loved this line:
Angi had taken one look at the note, slipped the card into her wallet, her wallet into her pocket, and left, headed for the city. It just flowed well and showed a lot about her in one sentance.
For dialogue, I would suggest putting spaces between each sentance, so it's not one long clump. Does that make any sense? I feel like I'm not making sense.
Their interaction is cute. It's that kind of awkward that makes you smile and cringe at the same time.
Wow, I definitely did not see the ending coming. That was a really shocking twist, and I really liked the way you wrote it out. The last line was nice, but it could be more powerful. I don't know. Here I go with the not making sense again.
All in all, it was nice. I really enjoyed it, it held my attention the whole way through. At first I thought it was going to be one of those boy-meets-girl, they-fall-in-love, live-happily-ever-after kinda things. But you made me pleasantly surprised, and I loved it.
Great job.