Wunderkind - Comments

You need to update this, really. I loved it. It's just one of those stories you can't stop reading.

this is AWESOME!
Update soon?
U are an amazing author and my new inspiration! Ur choice of words is always perfect! Plus, u have a fantastic imagination!
Thank u for making my day perfect! :)

Wow!, I really like this XD
Keep going (:

Wow, DruB. Just... wow.
This story is incredible.
I could totally feel the atmosphere, especially in their house.
Very, very lovely.
And my part is perfect. Thank you. <333

Shit, the colour didn't work.

“No!” Ryan screamed and he turned and ran.

I like how you bolded the "No!" It gave me a sudden feeling like "Whoa, whoa, what happened dude?"[colour]

“Church camp.” Brendon said. Definitely, definitely indeed.[colour]

The tall, pale boy spoke next. “Boyfriend.”

“Math test.” Gabe said seriously. I laughed when he said "Math test." and then louder
as I read the 'said seriously' part.[colour]

“Myself,” was all the shorter boy said.

“It needs to happen. And, you, quit being so damn nosy.” she said to the cat, who had begun to disappear.

Yay, it's Chess the nosy kitty![colour]

His mind was beginning to catch up to his body now. He felt older, felt like he’d lived through the battle he’d been fighting every day since he found out.

Three years of falling down really had changed him, I see. Or maybe not really?[colour]

He was a white rabbit, easily six feet tall. He looked somber, not at all comical, and he somehow looked human. It must have been the joints. His legs and arms, elbows and knees, were built like a human’s, not like a rabbit’s. And he had fingers, though they were covered in fur.

[colour=purpleI think I just saw a human with a rabbit's head covered in fur wandering in my imagination world. Is that how it's supposed to look?[colour]

“Here, little boy, little boy,” it said back, baring it’s sharp teeth. “Excuse you.”

My favourite ♥[colour]

I love how Ryan and the others relationships developement are shown smoothly.[colour]

“Fucking Peter!”

Pete, what the hell did you do now?[colour]

Alex yelled, seething but near tears. Ryan’s eyes flicked toward Pete, but Brendon shook his head and explained in an extremely low voice.

Wait, wait, Kristen = Neverland. Peter Pan?[colour]

“Peter Pan?” Ryan asked, his eyes lighting up. He felt ridiculous, but he couldn’t help it.

“Who else?” Brendon said, sighing and leading them back upstairs.

*Did victory dance*

Simply incredible. [colour]

I LOVE THIS STORY!! please update!

If I could think of any band who belongs in Wonderland, it's Panic! At The Disco. No doubt. This is really interesting, update soon. (:

If I could think of any band who belongs in Wonderland, it's Panic! At The Disco. No doubt. This is really interesting, update soon. (:

My goodness. You really have created a whole other... dimension. I wish it was real. That's how good it is. I wish it wasn't just a place you could go temporarily in your mind or though your amazing writing. Definitely my new favorite story. Better keep up on it.

I'm not good at writing reviews in general and definitely not really long ones like the comment above so I'll just put what I thought.

When I read different author's works it's easy to recognize their stories by the choice of words and particular ones they used, and when I read this one it really reminded of Lewis Caroll's Alice in Wonderland but also had a the same feel as alot of your other stories. I also really loved the imagery and especially the colors you put in it so right now I'm going to go draw something up for myself.

Story Review Game
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Summary: First of all: Amazing layout. I love the pictures, and the background is just precious.
I really like the uniqueness of the summary. It's not in the usual format, but it works well with the feel of the story. I loved the way you put the quotes in the summary; they look really cool.

Chapter One

-
I love the way you bolded the first "NO!" It really caught my attention. From the get go the story is intriguing and sort of magical.

"A few minutes later Ryan realized he was approaching the ground and began to panic. But beginning was as far as he got because he was suddenly caught in a net. Though it felt more like he’d landed on a gigantic feather mattress."
You have a very good way of describing things in a way that gives it the "wonderland chaos" feeling. Everything is unfamiliar, and yet enticing.

"“I’m not your age. You’re older.”

Brendon opened his mouth to say something, but yells and footsteps interrupted. “Brendon! What’d you catch?” “Did we get a girl? I want a girl!” “How old is it?”

Three boys suddenly appeared behind Brendon, out of breath and panting. One was shorter than Ryan, but clearly older and with black hair. The other two were extremely tall. One was too-skinny like Ryan, and pale. The last was tan and looked slightly disappointed."
I like the way you introduced the characters. It wasn't forced, and it flowed very nicely.

"The blonde girl was dressed in a denim skirt with white knee high socks and plain black sneakers. She wore a long-sleeved men’s button-down shirt tied at her waist, and her hair was shaggy and hung only to her shoulders.

“Alice?” he whispered.

“Mhm.” She looked him over once, twice, three, four times while the boys behind her rolled their eyes and exchanged looks. “He’s for Brendon.” she announced finally. “Now, why did you run?”"
I like how you altered the Alice character; very original. I like that you made Alice a leader because I feel like if anyone would be a leader in a wonderland it should be alice :p

"“You’re sixteen.” Alice told him, point-blank, no beating around the bush. “The fall takes three of their years, ages you as you fall. It takes about six hours of our time. They’ve usually give up looking by now up there. Anyway.” She glanced up at the sky. “Looks clear. I’m hungry. Let’s see if those worthless boys finished supper.”"
Very nice job in explaining it so simply. You explained the phenomena very clearly and straight to the point.

"“Bit and the unicorn live downstairs.” Pete explained. “Second floor is the dining room and kitchen and stuff. We live on three and four. Don’t ever go downstairs.”" I thought this sentence had a very dark background history as to why he shouldn't go downstairs and it certainly caught my attention.

I like the innocence in the scene where he confesses to being gay. It's so honest and cute. I keep feeling like these boys are much younger than 16, maybe around 12. They just seem innocent, but with a big vocabulary.

"“That’s Chess.” Brendon said. “Ignore him. He’s an ass to everyone but Alice.”"
This made me think about the original story and I loved that there's a sense of history between them in your story :]

"“Peter Pan?” Ryan asked, his eyes lighting up. He felt ridiculous, but he couldn’t help it."
I couldn;t think of anyone else who belonged in an Alice story more than peter pan xD

Overall, you did an Amazing job. I really enjoyed reading this story, so keep up the good work.

First off… wonderful title; it fits perfectly with the story’s plot line and the main character’s personality.

Now, the summary immediately hooked me up; as per usual, any mention to the Alice’s books is an immediate hook up for me, and after noticing that you were the author, I had to claim the story. Also, I really like the placement of the dialogue inside the summary; it gives this sort of dreamy feeling… as if they were dialogue balloons in a comic.

“No!” Ryan screamed and he turned and ran. He ran until his chest hurt and then he tripped, fell, kept falling. For a moment he thought he’d fallen into a sewer because he kept falling. But it would have been dark, right? Not pale blue with soft-pink cotton candy clouds and shooting stars close enough to touch.
I really like the emphasis you gave to the very first part of the introductory line; it catches the readers’ eyes immediately and sets the mood for the following paragraphs.

So he just resigned himself to looking at the stars and trying not to think of all the bones he’d break when he finally hit rock bottom.
This part right here, reminds me clearly of the part in which Alice falls down the rabbit hole and starts inspecting every single thing that surrounds her, without a slight amount of fear consuming her; I really like that slight reference to the book.

A few minutes later Ryan realized he was approaching the ground and began to panic. But beginning was as far as he got because he was suddenly caught in a net. Though it felt more like he’d landed on a gigantic feather mattress.
This is an interesting development; the descriptions are very vivid, and I really enjoy reading your stories because you always manage to settle this sort of calm environment around them… and for some reason, I always picture the scenery painted with pastel colors.

“Finally! Someone my age. They’re usually ten or twenty when they hit.” That seemed to be more to himself than Ryan, but he was still confused.
I think this might be the very first story I read from you in which Brendon is this… careless and childish. I also really liked that you changed their ages for the purpose of this story.

“He’s sixteen.” Brendon said gleefully.

Ryan looked at him, slightly confused as to why he had said that. “No, I told you I was--”

A loud female voice interrupted the ‘thirteen’, which instantly died on his tongue as she stepped out from behind Gabe. “Let me see.” Ryan felt certain he was dreaming now. He recognized her at once, despite the changes in her dress and hair.
Oh… I get it now; 3 years passed by from the fall and now Ryan is sixteen. I really like this concept; it seems quite interesting, especially because he clearly did not feel that that much time passed by when he fell down.

I really liked how you make Alice the leader in here… I’ve always pictured Alice as somebody incapable of giving orders or defending herself without help from others, mainly because in the books Carroll portrays her as very curious yet naïve child… but you just turned that around and made of Alice this leader, and she’s not only a leader, but she grew up and she knows what’s going on. It is sort of easier to relate to this, mainly because Alice is now older, and even if we like to believe contrariwise… we change when we grow up.

“In the bed with me.” Brendon said as if it were obvious. “Alice said you were for me.”

“For you how?” Ryan sounded angry, but he was really just terrified. “Like a toy?”

Brendon shook his head. “N-No. Like a . . .” He struggled to find the words. “Like . . . a friend and then you . . . you’ll love me and one day . . . we’ll be . . . like, everything, I guess.” He didn’t seemed confused with what he was talking about, just about how to explain it.
This bit right here has to be my very favorite one. The dialogue, although quite awkward for Ryan, went just smoothly, and I can picture Brendon stuttering while trying to explain himself to Ryan, and I can see Ryan’s cheeks turning bright red at the mention of them two sleeping together. The image is just clear in my head, and the reactions are just vivid, as well as the scene and the idea that this actually happened… It contrasts perfectly with this world you’ve created and brings in a bit of reality into it; it’s like soul mates get together by one playing the catcher and the other the butterfly… it’s just beautiful.

Ryan’s eyes went wide when he saw Bit. He was a white rabbit, easily six feet tall. He looked somber, not at all comical, and he somehow looked human. It must have been the joints. His legs and arms, elbows and knees, were built like a human’s, not like a rabbit’s. And he had fingers, though they were covered in fur.
This must be the very first time I see the rabbit portrayed as a hybrid… I really loved the idea, and that his personality is somber and sort of mysterious, unlike the clumsy rabbit I learned to love in the book; it just adds more of your personal touch to the story… just makes it your world.

“Here, little boy, little boy,” it said back, baring it’s sharp teeth. “Excuse you.”

“That’s Chess.” Brendon said. “Ignore him. He’s an ass to everyone but Alice.”
I just wish we still had smileys on the story’s threads… this just made me laugh so hard, because it is actually true… that cat is an ass to everyone except for Alice… and even so, sometimes I think that he just wants to get rid of her.

The girl beside Alice was Dru and she didn’t quite belong to anyone.
Just wonderous… I really have to say it; I really liked the introduction of yourself into the story; it confirms what I thought, this is your world, not just Wonderland;

“That one has a strong hold.” Bit was telling Alice downstairs. “I’m not sure the hole was right in bringing him.”

“The hole doesn’t make mistakes.” the girl said levelly. “And besides, they told me he was for Brendon.”
I really like the slight introduction to the conflict in the story; I mean, besides the obvious difficulty that Brendon and Ryan are going to have in order for them to fit together.

The day after that he went with everyone except Alice, Bit, and Patrick to see the caterpillars. Everyone smoked from a pipe and then they laughed about nothing for hours. Ryan kissed Brendon that night and felt the blood thrumming warm in his veins.
I really enjoy seeing the development of the characters and how they start to interact with each other as the relationships advance; it gives the notion of time, which many stories I’ve read lack off.

But on occasion (like tonight), Peter would fly in through the window and pick her up while she was sleeping, then fly her back to Neverland.
I really thought of Peter as… well… Pete Wentz, am I correct on that allusion? The boy who never grew up being related to Pete… who was running form himself… I can see the similarities between the characters, though I’m not sure if I got it right.

The mentioning of your character in the story really intrigues me… at first I thought that it was just a slight insertion of yourself into it; however, I realized that some part of the story revolves around you, because… well, it is your wonderland.

The story was very well written; I didn’t see any mistakes, and the feeling that you portray is just beautiful; also, the characters are very well rounded and are vivid, which makes it even more appealing.

First off… wonderful title; it fits perfectly with the story’s plot line and the main character’s personality.

Now, the summary immediately hooked me up; as per usual, any mention to the Alice’s books is an immediate hook up for me, and after noticing that you were the author, I had to claim the story. Also, I really like the placement of the dialogue inside the summary; it gives this sort of dreamy feeling… as if they were dialogue balloons in a comic.

“No!” Ryan screamed and he turned and ran. He ran until his chest hurt and then he tripped, fell, kept falling. For a moment he thought he’d fallen into a sewer because he kept falling. But it would have been dark, right? Not pale blue with soft-pink cotton candy clouds and shooting stars close enough to touch.
I really like the emphasis you gave to the very first part of the introductory line; it catches the readers’ eyes immediately and sets the mood for the following paragraphs.

So he just resigned himself to looking at the stars and trying not to think of all the bones he’d break when he finally hit rock bottom.
This part right here, reminds me clearly of the part in which Alice falls down the rabbit hole and starts inspecting every single thing that surrounds her, without a slight amount of fear consuming her; I really like that slight reference to the book.

A few minutes later Ryan realized he was approaching the ground and began to panic. But beginning was as far as he got because he was suddenly caught in a net. Though it felt more like he’d landed on a gigantic feather mattress.
This is an interesting development; the descriptions are very vivid, and I really enjoy reading your stories because you always manage to settle this sort of calm environment around them… and for some reason, I always picture the scenery painted with pastel colors.

“Finally! Someone my age. They’re usually ten or twenty when they hit.” That seemed to be more to himself than Ryan, but he was still confused.
I think this might be the very first story I read from you in which Brendon is this… careless and childish. I also really liked that you changed their ages for the purpose of this story.

“He’s sixteen.” Brendon said gleefully.

Ryan looked at him, slightly confused as to why he had said that. “No, I told you I was--”

A loud female voice interrupted the ‘thirteen’, which instantly died on his tongue as she stepped out from behind Gabe. “Let me see.” Ryan felt certain he was dreaming now. He recognized her at once, despite the changes in her dress and hair.
Oh… I get it now; 3 years passed by from the fall and now Ryan is sixteen. I really like this concept; it seems quite interesting, especially because he clearly did not feel that that much time passed by when he fell down.

I really liked how you make Alice the leader in here… I’ve always pictured Alice as somebody incapable of giving orders or defending herself without help from others, mainly because in the books Carroll portrays her as very curious yet naïve child… but you just turned that around and made of Alice this leader, and she’s not only a leader, but she grew up and she knows what’s going on. It is sort of easier to relate to this, mainly because Alice is now older, and even if we like to believe contrariwise… we change when we grow up.

“In the bed with me.” Brendon said as if it were obvious. “Alice said you were for me.”

“For you how?” Ryan sounded angry, but he was really just terrified. “Like a toy?”

Brendon shook his head. “N-No. Like a . . .” He struggled to find the words. “Like . . . a friend and then you . . . you’ll love me and one day . . . we’ll be . . . like, everything, I guess.” He didn’t seemed confused with what he was talking about, just about how to explain it.
This bit right here has to be my very favorite one. The dialogue, although quite awkward for Ryan, went just smoothly, and I can picture Brendon stuttering while trying to explain himself to Ryan, and I can see Ryan’s cheeks turning bright red at the mention of them two sleeping together. The image is just clear in my head, and the reactions are just vivid, as well as the scene and the idea that this actually happened… It contrasts perfectly with this world you’ve created and brings in a bit of reality into it; it’s like soul mates get together by one playing the catcher and the other the butterfly… it’s just beautiful.

Ryan’s eyes went wide when he saw Bit. He was a white rabbit, easily six feet tall. He looked somber, not at all comical, and he somehow looked human. It must have been the joints. His legs and arms, elbows and knees, were built like a human’s, not like a rabbit’s. And he had fingers, though they were covered in fur.
This must be the very first time I see the rabbit portrayed as a hybrid… I really loved the idea, and that his personality is somber and sort of mysterious, unlike the clumsy rabbit I learned to love in the book; it just adds more of your personal touch to the story… just makes it your world.

“Here, little boy, little boy,” it said back, baring it’s sharp teeth. “Excuse you.”

“That’s Chess.” Brendon said. “Ignore him. He’s an ass to everyone but Alice.”
I just wish we still had smileys on the story’s threads… this just made me laugh so hard, because it is actually true… that cat is an ass to everyone except for Alice… and even so, sometimes I think that he just wants to get rid of her.

The girl beside Alice was Dru and she didn’t quite belong to anyone.
Just wonderous… I really have to say it; I really liked the introduction of yourself into the story; it confirms what I thought, this is your world, not just Wonderland;

“That one has a strong hold.” Bit was telling Alice downstairs. “I’m not sure the hole was right in bringing him.”

“The hole doesn’t make mistakes.” the girl said levelly. “And besides, they told me he was for Brendon.”
I really like the slight introduction to the conflict in the story; I mean, besides the obvious difficulty that Brendon and Ryan are going to have in order for them to fit together.

The day after that he went with everyone except Alice, Bit, and Patrick to see the caterpillars. Everyone smoked from a pipe and then they laughed about nothing for hours. Ryan kissed Brendon that night and felt the blood thrumming warm in his veins.
I really enjoy seeing the development of the characters and how they start to interact with each other as the relationships advance; it gives the notion of time, which many stories I’ve read lack off.

But on occasion (like tonight), Peter would fly in through the window and pick her up while she was sleeping, then fly her back to Neverland.
I really thought of Peter as… well… Pete Wentz, am I correct on that allusion? The boy who never grew up being related to Pete… who was running form himself… I can see the similarities between the characters, though I’m not sure if I got it right.

The mentioning of your character in the story really intrigues me… at first I thought that it was just a slight insertion of yourself into it; however, I realized that some part of the story revolves around you, because… well, it is your wonderland.

The story was very well written; I didn’t see any mistakes, and the feeling that you portray is just beautiful; also, the characters are very well rounded and are vivid, which makes it even more appealing.

this is amazing! You have a great mind :)

You're a bit of an inspiration.

This is probably my new favorite story.
I really, really, really like it. It's so interesting, and I'm desperate to read more.
(:

Story Review Game

Summary: First off, the summary seems incredibly unique to me- the kind of summary that isn't so basic, that it rubs off as if the actual story will be simple, and uninteresting. (Not that that's always the case. Just sayin'.) The imagery blew my mind, as soon as I saw it, and I know that's nothing really to do with reviewing a story, I guess, but I had to say it. And, I'm in love with the fact that you combined Oz, Narnia, etc. with it. Even by the summary, it's clear that you're insanely talented.

Chapter One: The beginning makes me feel as if I'm being chased, before I even figure out what's happening. The kind of edge you get when you're sleeping, dreaming that a stranger is chasing you down a dark alley, and you hit a dead end. I've definitely read things, where it opened up with someone running, but... not like this. It made me want to get up, and run for him. Especially when tripped. And see? This is only the first few sentences I'm talking about, and you've already got me feeling as if I'm there. How amazing.

He wanted to be scared, but he couldn’t. Not with all the beautiful things surround him. That line is a beautiful thing. Immediately, I thought "Wonderland". Like, colorful mist around my head, and somehow, safety in whatever Ryan's running from. Not to mention, I can't even begin to tell you how much that line crosses out so many cliches, on it's own. It seems like something a human would actually think, y'know? Even though we're afraid of what we're running from, we always tend to stop, and think "Wow.", if what we're looking at is worth it. It's real.
I feel like I'm using too many words to explain this. But I had to say it.

The hand belonged to a boy who looked a few years older than Ryan, with red glasses and dark brown hair. He smiled broadly. You allowed room for my imagination, here- for me to figure out what this boy looks like, on my own, instead of "He had exactly 13 freckles, his nose was round, he wore braces with turquoise bands...". I really like that. And at the same time, it's as if you create a... wreath of mystery, around this boy. Even if that's all he is... a boy.

“Hi! I’m Brendon.” He was clearly excited for some reason Ryan couldn’t grasp. “How old are you?” Can I just say, I don't believe any other writer could pull this off- Ryan and Brendon in Wonderland (or, Wunderkind), I mean. If it were someone else, I imagine I'd be... generally weirded out. Maybe not. But that's how I imagine it.

“Nobody gets here unless they’re running away from something.” Alice told him. That's damn original... and just, meaningful, and thought-provoking. My mouth literally fell open, when I read it.

“Church camp.” Brendon said.

The tall, pale boy spoke next. “Boyfriend.”

“Math test.” Gabe said seriously.

“Myself,” was all the shorter boy said. It made me giggle, and, for another thing, instantly opened up your characters that much more.

When Pete says "Don't ever go downstairs," it reminds me of a horror movie. And when Alice (seemingly quickly) says it's not finished, and to follow her to their room... it sounded like a horror flick, even more so. Like they're hiding something. And, just like when I watch horror flicks, I immediately felt suspicious, and my heart starting to beat faster.

“In the bed with me.” Brendon said as if it were obvious. “Alice said you were for me.”

“For you how?” Ryan sounded angry, but he was really just terrified. “Like a toy?”

Brendon shook his head. “N-No. Like a . . .” He struggled to find the words. “Like . . . a friend and then you . . . you’ll love me and one day . . . we’ll be . . . like, everything, I guess.” He didn’t seemed confused with what he was talking about, just about how to explain it. That was so incredibly sweet. It gave me the same feeling as... watching little kids hold hands, while they sit on a park bench, taking turns eating a popsicle, y'know? Ryan's anger makes it flawless, as in, making it so it's not sickeningly sweet, or one of those strictly "Awwww" or too-good-to-be-true moments, you see a lot in stories. I really, really loved that.

"And, you, quit being so damn nosy.” she said to the cat, who had begun to disappear. Oohh, kitty cameo. :) Interesting. Cameos are one of my favorite things, in stories.

“Here, little boy, little boy,” it said back, baring it’s sharp teeth. “Excuse you.” One of the few times I've ever actually laughed out loud at a story, happened here. I laughed, stopped, thought about it, and laughed again. That flowed flawlessly, and you definitely stuck it in at just the right spot, y'know? Excellent.

“He might try to go up.” Bit continued as if Alice hadn’t spoken. “Brendon may try to follow. This could end badly.” I love that line. It gives this great element of foreshadowing, but at the same time, if it would really happen seems unpredictable.

He appeared beside Pete on the bed, where Patrick was blowing him. Unexpected, yet suiting. Since we know that Ryan and Brendon are assumed to be... ending up that way, themselves, it seems only natural for that to be happening.

Ryan and Brendon were kissing more frequently now and in longer intervals. They held hands sometimes and slept very close to each other in bed, occasionally with their bodies pressed tightly together. It seemed right, somehow, and Ryan couldn’t help but feel the need to do it, as if some force was making it happen. When he mentioned it to Brendon, the boy told him that’s what ‘belonging together’ meant. Frankly, that last bit is beautiful. You think, "Not really," but at the same time, you completely agree.

Peter Pan showing up has such an element of humor, and makes the plot so much more... incredible (I wish I had a better word.). Again, I love how you've combined all of these magical places together, in one story.

I like how this first chapter isn't all in one day. They always seem to go on longer that way, and I can't tell you how tired I am of seeing a first chapter end with people going to sleep. Going to sleep together, nonetheless. But here, that's definitely not the case. :)

The ending seems simple, but underneath, it's clear that it's much more.
Brendon and Ryan are becoming closer, and it just seems like... the right thing. And I know that's how it's supposed to seem, but... man, I just can't get over how well you've portrayed this story, already.

Also, it makes me glad to see that you're a character in this story. Because, somehow, I feel like this story is going to end up as Wonderland might really be, for you, if it were in literal existence. As an escape. And even though writing is sort-of meant to be an escape, and is, for a lot of people... you know I mean it differently, for you. Because, you're Dru. And this is your story about Wonderland. A story that I'm already in love with, and will definitely be subscribing to.

Very, very well done, Dru.
Couldn't have been done better, or by anyone else, in my opinion.
:)

New story. Chaptered. I'm hoping no more than ten chapters.
Wonderland and everything in between.
Part one has 2792 words.

Happy reading!

xoxox
-Dru