Violet - Comments

Aww, I hope this does make it! :( I love this so muchh. But I understand if it doesn't.

I reallyyy loved this chapter. It explained so much. I think I kind of have an idea of what's going to happen (if it continues, that is). Ahh, yeah, it really explains a lot.

In a dark, cold room, two bloodied eyes shone.

I love how you started this chapter out -- all dark and mysterious. I immediately knew it was going to be in a different setting/point of view.

The heavy sound of deep breathing accompanied the loud beating of the king’s heart. His horns were thick and twisted, like the gnarled roots of a bone tree. The coarse black fur that grew on his head tapered off at the nape of his neck, becoming a single line of hair down his spine. His bovine snout was pink and moist. He gnashed his teeth inside his mouth, tasting the very old vegetable he was chewing.

What a freaky king, hahaa. O_O

King Rumor, that's definitely an interesting name for a king. I'm sure there's a reason. And um, I definitely despise him for what he did. I can only imagine what he's done in Wonder.

Ahh, gosh I loved thiss.

This is probably my shortest comment to date, and I wish I could write more but...

I really loved the new chapter; it had so much more back-story to everything that is happening. I think you have so much going for this story that it is possibly the unique, most eccentric story written.

The line I found most compelling is these: She had been killed while Rumor’s father had still been young, and had yet to be reincarnated. He was prepared, though. There’s just something about the way you suggested that ‘he was prepared’.

I love this story, please don't stop it!
:D

I really hope this story makes it
I love it
x

I like your story.. alot. So I'm going to subscribe. And I'm going to pass it on to lots of people. :P Because I'm just that cool.

I can't believe you have just two pages of comments on such beautifully twisted story. Its adorable really.

I think I'm on time for this review but seeing Miss. Amber with her late replies; I don't see a problem, either way.

Chapter Seven

He creeped closer to the young man’s ankles, feeling him voyage through the flora, cautiously looking about as if he expected a Lonal lion to attack him. What a jumpy child.

Poor Donnie. Poor, unexpecting Donnie.

By new, he meant the homemade plant-based shirts and shorts he had made over time.

Ha, ha. I believe any mother would be proud if he made some new ones for a girl.

Now both human and elf men looked at each other.

I couldn't but notice you had used the word 'men' instead of 'man'.

The elf’s smile was almost bashful. “I just keep your simple mind entertained,” he chuckled.

What a beautiful, weird relationship these two have going.

The fae man frowned slightly. “It has to be in private, I’m afraid.”

Should there not be a semicolon instead of a comma or am I just mistaken?

I liked the way you decided to end the story on a bit of a cliffhanger, (?) and allowing for people to guess what is in store for the next chapter. I'm anxious to know what it is Ancriol and Donnie are to discuss. But I'd like to keep it a surprise.

Very cool, even when he's just messing around he can be scary about it. I'm really liking this story and I can't wait to see where it goes from here.

Ah, I'm super late in reading all of these updates. But I am excited about reading three. :)

Chapter Four

There had been many instances when he had come across the corpse of an unlucky soul, like the mangled body of a newborn fairy snatched away from its mother, and each time he was thankful for his own fortune.

There was something so delicate and heart breaking about that.

Oh wow. The forest attacks you? :O I would hate to be there. Ha.

Oh the faeries sound so beautiful and mysterious. I love the description of them. Whoa, Donnie has been there three years? That sucks, man.

Allison thinks it's all a dream... That would be one hech of a dream, haha.

Chapter Five

She was in a hall. Doors grew on each wall, reaching higher than her poor, human eye could see. Either the ceiling was the sky, or she was in a cage.

I don't know. I just loved how you phrased that and described the setting. It was so eery.

Oh man. That was a creepy dream. Is Violet a character yet to be introduced? Ah, don't tell me. I like surprises.

A new character! Ancriol is such a cool mysterious name. I do feel a bit uneasy about him... I don't know. Pointed ears? Is he possibly an elf? I wonder what he is.

Chapter Six

That's kind of weird, that he would just invite her for a walk when they just met.

I like "An" though he is a bit strange. I'm dying to know more about him. And I do wonder what's going to happen when Donnie goes back and finds Allison missing.

This was going to be good.

That was an interesting choice of words. I'm intrigued to find out what that means in the next chapter.

This story is getting even more amazing and mysterious as time goes on. I'm loving it. :)

Awesome! Another update to comment about.

Chapter 6

“Especially because you are barefoot. You seem to know nothing of the dangers of Wonder.” ---- Ancriol is worried about Allison? Everyone run for cover!

She thought he would sing like a god. ----- Don't value him so high, Allison. He's nothing without you...

“My name is not Embrol. It is Ancriol. Ahn-cree-all.” ---- I am so clever, I worked it all out myself.

The shadow on his face became less menacing and more comforting, giving the impression that his mask had fallen. ---- Is the great Ahn-cree-all... warming up to her? What a sight to see. And you did it all so beautifully.

A smile touched his lips. The sight of it made a memory rise in her mind, like a fossil from the sand of a desert.

Violet. ----- No, no, no, mister. You don't go doing that to a lady, envisioning someone else. Men...

Allison was gone from the house where he had left her; that meant that either she had left, or she had been taken.

This was going to be good. ---- Don't you mean 'This is going to be bad'? I got a little confused.

What a lovely update you have brought out and it says so much about Ahn-cree-all. I like the way you did it, too. Poor Allison, away from Donnie and in the cluth of someone who seems evil at the moment, and spying on Donnie... Why? I do wonder, and hope it is answered.

I can't wait for the next update!

Ancriol is pretty awesome. The friendlier he gets the creepier he seems. Can't wait to see what happens next.

http://img137.imageshack.us/img137/4986/466554930c82875m3.jpg

ah this story is amazing!!!!!!!!!!!!
I love it,wow...you're creativity just...astounds me...you're brilliant!
x

Oh, my... Two chapters and I haven't even reviewed the first one. All right; I'll be reviewing them both in this post.

Chapter 4

After a long quiet, he cleared his throat to get her attention. ---- I noticed you've missed a word in this sentence before the comma you've put in place.

he said, cradling Nicodemus to his breast. ---- To his chest?

“One,” his gaze met hers. “Don’t stand still. If you stop moving, the forest will think you’re tired and attack.” In response to her narrowed eyes, he said, “I’m serious. The plants here will gobble you up like a Thanksgiving turkey faster than you can click your heels and wish for home.” ----- Um, that doesn't sounds so nice. Especially being eaten so fast like a turkey on Thanksgiving. :gulps:

In the middle of a sentence, he stopped and turned to grab her arm and pull her out with him. ---- Pulled her out to him? It sounds better in past tense than present tense.

This is almost as real-looking as – ------ What, no? Continue!

She decided, she would just go to sleep, then wake up and find she had fallen down the stairs or something. ----- This is much more interesting than falling down a flight of stairs, Allison.

The last line of the chapter, I think, gives insight to what might happen in the next chapter but I'll go read and comment now.

Chapter 5

As she went, the doors around her creaked and crawled with wind-tremors. They were like old widows’ legs, tall and aging, all the colors of fall. The floor beneath her feet squirmed and wiggled, little purple worms of fabric trying to squeeze between her toes. Thoroughly creeped out, she continued. ---- What, no? Go back, Allison! Good things never come out of these trips. She's going to die!

After what felt like a century of walking and listening to the whispers of the painted woods, ----- Amazing; "listening to the whispers of the..."

“Violet,” he said in a voice that sounded like church bells. ----- Sorry, I think I have forgotten what church bells sound like. I'll just imagine that sound...

She looked up at the window and saw that there was a thick stream of sunlight reaching toward her with eager, twinkling fingers. ------ That was beautiful; I can totally imagine that scene.

He smiled and bowed before her, his arm behind his back. “My name is Ancriol.” ----- Finally freaky dude introduces himself! Gah - I thought he was going to kill Allison. That would be horrible after five chapters.

I loved the new updates and, as per usual, I will continue to type until my fingers bleed... Maybe not so much. But I will type after every chapter - If I can. But this is a great story so far.

Allison is great. I liked the whole "it tasted like carrots and cucumbers so it must have been healthy" thing. It was really funny watching her freak out like that. Probably would've been scary though if i didn't know what you had in store. Some crazy dude from a dream suddenly appearing like that and coming after her, holy crap. It's awesome. I can't wait for more.

So awesome. I love how the continent is divided up into those five sectors and the way you describe the area and the things in it like that's just the normal because it is there. And nice job with hinting at backstory for the characters. It's great. Can't wait for more.

I really loved this update, and I did mean to comment before about parts I loved but plans came up and I had to quickly read this. But hear I am now...

Loved/Favourite Line

The sky bled rain, and it bled hard. Grunting and pushing his way through the foliage, the survivor trekked on.

This was amazing; I felt that the rain was apart of the survivor feeling his pain and so it 'bled' for him.

His violet eyes – changed since he had been in Wonder – landed on the back of his hand, where a large scar had healed.

I have a suspicion on who this guy is since you mentioned a scar and having read 'Alternativity' I might just be right. It's also such a lovely foreshadow here on your behalf.

He looked up at the clouds, peering through the downpour to see the lightning rolling around in their quilts of water droplets. A songbird sang in the trees behind him, raising its voice to intimidate the thunder.

That is such a lovely image, despite the drearines of it all; I could picture everything. And with the paragraph that followed such a dark, mysterious paragraph. I guess I was right,it was Donnie - yay.

Wedged between some of the larger rocks were little doors that led nowhere. Their paint was peeling, their doorknobs rattled, and their hinges didn’t move.

That is such an amazing image, I fell I have to repeat myself because you have done such an amazing job terlling a story that has an image along with it.

Donnie was racing toward the girl, his bag forgotten and left to bounce on his back.

I don't think I understand what you're saying, he left his bag but it bounced on his back? Could you please clear that up.

She looked up at him, and he saw that her eyes were big and blue; human. She was unchanged

I loved this, especially when he jumped for joy at coming across a human.

The soft pounding of the rest of the liquid rain was tapering off and away.

I noticed before this you had used the words 'softly' to express his tone of voice, and as much as guys would to know that their voice was soft I think a better word could have been more fitted for soft, especially for a guy - 'smooth', 'low', 'rough', 'faint', etc.

Outside, it was glowing. Disenchanted by the spectacle, he shuffled to a different corner and knelt

I'd be quite the opposite; I'd be enchanted by the glow. Ahahaa.

A smile grew on his face as he lifted his friend, a tiny grey bat with large ears, and kissed its head. “Hello, Nicodemus. How did you sleep?” He stroked the little guy’s wing and went to sit beside the door. “Have a look around if you want,” he said to her. “You won’t be leaving anytime soon.”

I think where you have placed this paragraph could be placed as a new paragraph. It's just a feeling, though. Like there's too many dialogue in one paragraph.

Instead of the rain she had felt when she had fallen out of the door, there were large, egg-sized droplets of what seemed to be light. They streaked downward and sizzled into the ground.

That was amazing, she seemed trans-fixed by the light.

There were little trees that looked like they were made of feathers. They were deep green and blue

Honestly, amazing. It was brilliant; I think also instead of just using green and blue, or purple try different shades of the same colour. I probably shouldn't be giving this advice out since I have done much the same as you but I have been editing my own stories lately.

He smiled and leaned his head back, his eyes crossed to look at the small head that was leaning over his face. “We’re in Wonder, Allison.”

That was an amazing finish. It seemed a genuine friendship was on the horizon and whislt he was deep and a dark villian in 'Alternativity' he seems a genuine guy in this story but I'm sure we'll find that to twist and turn as the plot unfolds.

I love where you are taking this story, and I will conitue with these long comments whether they are on time or not, but I will because I love your story and the originality of it.

Yeah. So this pretty much rocks. I love the layout; it's pretty. And I know this is random, but I like how you phrase your sentences. Haha.

Chapter One

She stared at the white ceiling, in an opposite world her sister’s floor, and thought: she hadn’t gone to school in four days, since her winter break had begun.

I wasn't sure, but shouldn't that be a semicolon, after thought?

It was like skipping out on Jesus’ birthday party. He’d understand, she was sure.

That was kinda funny. I laughed.

The message that Allison got was extremely freaky.

Then her reflection blinked, too.

OH man. That gave me cold chills.

“Walk through.”

Yeah. That gave me cold chills too, haha.

Chapter Two

There was a light in the distance. It hung low and orange, casting a small sphere of space in a vacant shadow.

That was kind of eery. I got cold chills...again.

The carpet was deep burgundy, and the walls looked like the skin of a shedding reptile; the floral paper was practically dripping toward the ground.

I really liked that. Good imagery.

Hanging on by the last two fingers, it straightened its index finger and shook it slowly, as if to say, Shame on you, Allison. Then it turned and placed its palm perfectly over the woman’s unmoving face. It was still as stone, now.

Holy crap. Creepy.

The voice kind of reminds me of the cheshire cat.

Woah, I know what you meant about the gory stuff. That would suck. Oh my god.

Gasping for breath, she fell forward and out of the darkness.

Very creepy.

This whole chapter was giving me the chills. Haha.

Chapter Three

The sky bled rain, and it bled hard.

I liked that line. It was so cool.

There were little trees that looked like they were made of feathers. They were deep green and blue.

I really liked that. It made them sound so delicate and pretty.

This whole chapter made me feel uneasy and apprehensive. I am very curious about the light. I hope they find that plant so Allison can grow her finger back. That would really suck, like I said before.

I am really loving this and I am superr excited for more. :)

Wow xD I'm really impressed with the story ^^ Amazing! And the world that you created seems so beautiful o.o Pretty and dangerous at the same time.

I'm already pumped. Look at my banner. You're jealous.

I really like how you're bringing the story together now. It's going to be epic.