Disarm. - Comments

Oneshot for Oneshot

I really enjoyed reading this. I loved the first sentence- it was unusual and made me want to read more.

Your writing flowed easily and you had some lovely descriptions in there:
Trista untangled herself from the sky blue comforter—the very same color of her eyes—
“I know, I know,” she repeating, sounding much like a broken record than a sing-song bird, (shouldn’t that be ‘repeated’ though?)

I also really liked the image of Trista sitting there with the closed Bible in her hands. It was really simple, but it made an impact on me.

I did notice a couple of mistakes, like the ‘repeating’ I already mentioned, and this: His job wasn't the worse. Should it be His job wasn’t the worst?
But I’m just nitpicking there. I’m also nitpicking when I say that I would have preferred a sad ending, but that’s only because I am a weird person who likes sad endings better. (Also, THAT IS NOT ME SAYING THAT I’M FOR ABORTIONS. D: )

Finally, may I commend you on your layout? It's beautiful and really goes with the story, as does the Lord's Prayer in the summary.

Overall, great job with this. Like the people who have commented before me have said, abortion’s not an easy topic to write about and I think you handled it wonderfully.

Okay, first off, thank you for linking me to this. I really enjoyed reading it.

The story was great and your overall description of everything was written perfectly. I think it was an interesting sort of twist that at the end, she didn't go through with it after all because I've read a lot of stories where they've just gone straight through with seemingly no care in the world.

Again, this was super amazing and I'll be sure to read some more of your stories. :)

I loved it. Loved, loved, loved, loved, loved. You did a good job of writing about a very, very touchy subject without coming across as preachy or stiff, and the emotions were excellent. I loved the descriptions, and it almost made me tear up at the end. Very, very good story.

And your description about summer in Alabama? Dang straight.

Okay, I loved this.
I literally loved it.
I loved your descriptions, the words you used and how everything flowed perfectly.
Your dialogue was really great too.
It was different, in a good way.
Amazing job.

I was really intrigued by the title, I'd like to say that first. It made me think of Harry Potter, although whether or not that's a good thing I don't know. The layout was gorgeous too, and I loved the prayer you had. I used to have to recite that prayer at primary so it really brought back memories. Thank you!

You have an amazing writing style, and it's really unique. I love how you describe things, and you made it sound so realistic. I was surprised that you hadn't been through something similar, as the emotions were so believable and honest.

The way you brought God and religion into the story was perfect, too; it gave it that little extra that really improved it.

I really loved it, and I liked how you had the happy ending. It was nice to see something end happily for once.

One Shot for One Shot

Lovely layout to go with an equally lovely one-shot :D

The imagery you had throughout the one-shot was wonderfully done; I could picture so much just from reading the descriptions you had.

The description you used to portray how Trista would lean up to kiss him is incredibly sweet :)

I'm kind of disgruntled how Matt needs to be 'swindled' to meet Trista's parents. Maybe it's just from influence by my parents, but having your future husband get along and accept your parents (and vice versa) is so, so so important if you're getting married.

I really like how you decided to save the stories from their past for the middle of the story (starting off from the present and then jumping into the past) instead of writing your one-shot in chronological order. It creates more of a wistful feeling. (=

Even though it's not a huge part of the story, I liked the part you added about how Trista would sit on car tires talking to Matt while he fixed the car. It adds a little something to the story overall.

...listening to the radio crackle and pop in the background. I like that descriptiom. Very much.

Overall, there are a few minor slips in grammar here and there, but there wasn't anything that was seriously hard to understand.

The topic that you chose is quite interesting on its own; like portraying the clouds before a giant storm, while people usually focus on the 'storm' itself.

This was an interesting one-shot to read, I've never read one about abortion before. It offered a lot of insight. Great job :)

I really liked this. It's a touchy subject, but I like how you wrote it. I loved the little bits about their pasts - I like how you showed Trista's father's disapproval toward Matt by not having him shake his hand when they first met.

I thought there were a few parts where it seemed like you were talking to me, as opposed to writting a story, a few adjectives or sentance structures I found a bit sloppy. I liked it though and the ending was sweet.

One Shot For One Shot!

This was really good.
The descriptions were excellent.
And the emotion was portrayed well.
I also like the little glimpses of their past together that you put in there. They were a nice touch.
Good job on this.

You did an amazing job on this.

I finally finished this one-shot, thankfully. I kept putting it off until today.

I haven't gone back and corrected too much, but I will later. D: