Break Your Little Heart. - Comments

First things first, I love All Time Low, and I especially love stories written in second person, so I can tell already that this will be AWESOME.

The summary was sweet. I especially liked the way you repeated "If only we knew", but then switched it to "If I knew". That was quite dramatic, and intriguing. I think the question "If I could go back, would I change things?" seems to crop up a lot in people's minds, so it's nice to see a story written about it.

One thing I noticed was that the very first sentence, you say "catch my and my heart". It sounds odd to me, maybe it was meant to be 'me and my heart' ? Although, I do love the sentence "but to my ears they’re what I’ve always longed to hear.". The way it sort of rhymes makes it sound poetic and lovely.

Your use of metaphors and similies are incredible! This sentence, "You will make my heart flutter, and my self loathing curl up like a burning piece of paper until just a few fragile ashes lie on my stomach lining," used personification, similies and metaphors all in one sentence. So awesome. I nearly died.

In the penultimate paragraph, "prince" and "charming" should both start with a capital letter. To be honest, the last two paragraphs are so effective, they really sum everything up in such a dramatic way. The last line is perfection!

Overall, totally, totally great.

This is so raw and lovely and unique. All your words were beautiful and they brought such good imagery in my mind. Fantastic job.

I liked this story a lot!
You desribed everything so well and even though it was more of a descriptive piece than an actual "story" (I mean with a plot and such) it still felt like a series of events - a begining middle and end.
I also liked how you spoke everything as if it was fact almost, I did some of that recently in one of my stories and was quite happy of how it turned out, it's a neat techniuque but it doesn't always work, in your case I would most definatly say that it did.

One Shot For One Shot.

I claimed Wires and realized that I had already commented on it. So I picked the next one in line, which just so happened to be this. That was actually quite amazing. As mentioned by Tom Fletcher, I think that you are very skilled in future tense. I also love your writing style, it's unique and you know how to make a great story with simple descriptions. Your stories always bring beautiful imagery into my mind, like a picture or an on-going scene. The ending was great, and it left me wondering. I like when a story ends like that, because then I'm always wondering. But anyway, I think you did a fantastic job with this.

And you, you will break my heart.
fucking yes. i can identify the shot out of this. I adore it. And its obviously important to you as well.
and the 'you' form makes me melt.
Well done.

I loved this! :O
You're so talented! I wish I'd gotten here first.
I can really relate to this. Amazing writer you!
kudos.

Aw, I wanted first comment. :(
Anyway.It was so heartbreaking and real, and I could identify with some of it, too. The first bit, anyway.
You did a really good job in future tense. Bravo :) <3 xx

That was amazing. I just, wow. You gots talent girl. (: