Angelfuck Crashing. - Comments

Fan-fucking-TASTIC.
I adored this. It was a gripping, ripping whirlwind from beginning to end.
You told the story with such an unrelenting, merciless style.
It was perfect - I don't know, there's just something about the tone that was so... unfeeling?
Like how it was told from an objective point of view - harsh, pitiless.
Yeah, like someone up there pointed out, I think it had to do with your choppy sentence structure. It added a short, stabby sort of feel to the writing.
I also liked how it was so fragmented. Not, oh, you know, there was a guy, and he grabbed the girl, and he raped her and threw her in the dumpster.
You tell the story by giving us quick, flashing little glimpses that are more atmospheric than informative - An intake of the night’s air – a nose wrinkling in disgust. Stomach turning and muscles contracting. Vomit and bile rising, spewing onto the flecked sidewalk.
Even there, just the way you've impersonalised it by saying a nose rather than his or her nose, it just adds to the disjointed chaos of the whole incident.

The stench of wet fur and urine. Strawberry bubblegum stuck in scented human hair. Ribs cracking.

Favourite lines. Veeeeery, very clever use of contrast. Bubblegum and rat fur and piss. Nice. :]

Anyway.
Adored this.
You're kewl. :mrgreen:

Dear god. That was probably the most vivid thing I've ever read.

Your imagery was amazing, it was like I was actually there watching from the narrators eyes. Its poetic in a weird short of way and at this part:

Quote

Chilling and metallic.

Door closed.

Case cold.

A teen hooker – Jane Doe, nice to meet you. Buried under a nameless, blank stone.

Perpetrator unknown.

I got that chills. Very very good!

Your review gave me goose-bumps. :XD
Thank you so much, love.

First I'll comment this story because I forgot. I was supposed to do this a loooooooong fucking time ago.

:shifty

Ok. Well other than the fact that this story is automatically amazing since you wrote it...

I. Love. Your. Use. Of. Choppy. Sentences. It's adds to that sporatic sense of the story.

Ribs cracking.

Spine straining.

Esophagus straining.

Trachea burning.

Pharynx collapsing.

Capillaries splitting, blood trickling.

Neck snapping.

Darkness.

That was awesome right there. And it made the reader look up some words. I know I had too, rather I asked Jandri since he's in an anatomy class. >_> Anyways, large vocab is always a way to show you actually know what you're talking about and it makes you seem uber smart. You already are but you know what I mean...

I love the dirty nitty gritty theme you've got in most of your stories. Life isn't always roses and candy and you can always perfectly bust someone's bubble. Rape and murder. Classic crimes that go hand in hand.

Your description is out of this world. You give examples for each sense. Touch. Smell. Sight (or lack thereof). Hearing. Taste. Everything is intricate and it makes the reader feel like they are actually there. Feeling, smelling, seeing, hearing, tasting everything. Every detail is expressed through your words.

You're repeative which places perfect emphasis on what you're trying to say. You used the word "darkness" quite a few times. This is being instilled in one's head that the vitcim of your story is completely blind since there is no light. Darkness. Darkness! DARKNESS.

An ending is probably the most important part of a story. Yours was lovely.

Chilling and metallic.

Door closed.

Case cold.

A teen hooker – Jane Doe, nice to meet you. Buried under a nameless, blank stone.

Perpetrator unknown.

It gives insight on what the reader did not know (teen hooker, not some random girl) yet not enough so the reader wants more.

Bravo darling.

I LOVED this. When I write, I just use a bunch of sarcasm and try to sound smart. But you use all this beautiful and breathtaking imagery and create an atmosphere. Amazing talent. Beautiful rape/murder story (how weird sounding haha).

Thank you. :tehe:

A teen hooker – Jane Doe, nice to meet you. Buried under a nameless, blank stone.
Perpetrator unknown.
That was the best story and line I've ever read.
Wow.
Words cannot describe how much I love this.

ohhh man, your writing doesn't cease amazing me. I'm like all... trembling and still have my mouth open in... amazement.
I'm not a suckup, I don't make untruthful compliments, I don't lie about these things : You are the best writer on this damn site!

Whoa. What can I say to this?

Well, bone chilling is one thing for sure. It was really, different. The constant stopping and starting of sentences created a great effect, along with the litte detail. Although the detail was scarce, the words you used to describe the scene definitely made up for it. It was just...:cheese:

- long, rough fingers wrap around a white elegant neck
It wasn't until that sentence that I realised what was actually going on, maybe that was because my brain is lagging right now or that it was just cleverly written.

At the end my brain was screaming; "You killed her! That I found a little freaky.

Like the others said, it is poetic. It's different. And I liked it.

Sorry for my crappy review....

As stated above, I love how this story is almost poetic. Each description placed a perfect image in my mind. It was murderous and decietful and heart wrencching but completely obsessive at the same time.
I think by your writing I can tell that you are obsessive - every detail was given so passionately.

The coldness of the ending shook me a little. It was harsh, blunt, but it held everything together really really well.

Overall, it was flawless.

Thank you.

I can't believe how you do this every time.
It's the same with your Emetophobia story.

How do you make something so grotesque and horrible sound so...

Beautiful just doesn't cut it, bitch.

=]

I loved it, as I will always say about your stories.
But it's never a lie.
x]

Wow. That was so poetic and beautiful.
Even if it was about rape and murder.
Perfect.

xo

Holy SHIT.
You're so poetic, even when you write about rape and murder, that it's absolutely unbelievable.
I was totally fucking spellbound while reading this. I love love lovelovelove the finishing few lines;
it really doesn't sound like prose at all by that point, and it just leaves an incredibly powerful impact.
This had kind of a 'bare bones' feel to it; nothing unecessary, and everything you included seemed
so calculated, like the italics in "neck snapping."

It was PERFECT.

This story is such sick beauty.

My dear, you have supassed yourself.
Oh god, it's like some grotesque therapy.

Your imagery is flawless. You are so talented it's unbelievable.

I can't even chose a favourite line to quote, it's all such blood-stained eloquence. I really want to write more and say more, but... I can't find anything else to say except it took my breathe away.