I loved this. I'm a sucker for superhero stories. It was written very well, too.
February 19th, 2012 at 08:14am
First of all, I really liked how you split this story up into separate sections. It makes it easier to follow as a whole, and it was good that everybody got their own "section" of the story, and an explanation too. It worked really well, in my opinion.
The opening was very striking and it really caught my attention. This line in particular. Thunder rumbled overhead, just as a choking sob escaped Millie Fallows’ lips. This just personifies her grief perfectly and it just comes across as so...desperate. She's just filled with hurt and her power in particular really intrigued me, because it doesn't quite say whether the weather changes with her mood, or whether she just has control of it and when she gets into a highly emotional state, her power just goes to the extreme and she can no longer control it until she calms down. Interesting.
I'm not sure I like Grant. He seems very manipulating and will just use people to get what he wants. He seems a lot more sure of his power than the other people, and had already grown used to it. And the worst thing is that he's just using it to his own advantage. He's not using his power for the greater good. He just wants to have some fun with it. It's as if he feels like he's untouchable because of this power and just wants to live life how he wants it, not caring who he hurts in the process because he knows that he can just make them forget again.
And he seems to gain pleasure from taking control. A smirk danced across his thin lips as she did as she was told. I think he likes the control that he's able to have over other people. It's kind of sick and also a bit twisted, it's like he doesn't truly care about anybody but himself. As long as he is happy, then that's all that's important to him.
“I’m sorry,” he mumbled, pressing soft kisses to her bare neck. But is he? I just think that he'll do it all again when the time comes. If he gets an opportunity to cheat, then he probably will. In all honesty, I only think he's sorry that he got caught. And I'm not sure whether Millie truly believes him. Millie had barely any control over her lips as she spoke softly. They key word here is "nearly". Somewhere in the back of her mind, she can tell that Grant has taken control over her but she knows that she isn't strong enough to be able to stop him.
I liked how different you made each part. For instance, in the first part it was stormy and then sunny, and in the second part with Angus it was icy. I liked that because it highlights how different all of the people are and how different their situations and powers are. I thought it was a really clever mood and it made the story more interesting to read because it was like I never knew what was coming next. It was always full of surprises.
This made me giggle a little bit. I loved how you worded it. He was one of the few insane people who had called Sports World and told them he could work tonight. I love how you labelled him as insane for willingly going out in the ice to work. He seems like a person who is eager to please others and leave a good impression - which is such an opposite of Grant! I also love what a dedicated worker he is. XD And the fact he's making such an effort for a shop called Sports World. I'm assuming it's one of those cut-price sport shops, am I right? My local one is called Sports Soccer and is filled with people in tracksuit bottoms and a Sports Soccer shirt. :lmfao But anyway. I love his enthusiasm for his job, even though it doesn't come across as a particularly well-paying job with opportunities.
I most of all like how Angus is portrayed as a completely normal person. He reeked of his Lynx deodorant, having put too much on in a feeble attempt to impress his co-worker, Kayla. He's just your average Joe, going to work and trying to impress a lady. It's much better than having your story filled with people who stand out and were blessed with these powers as a result. Angus just seems to blend in; he always has done and he always will do. Like when the bus just went past him instead of stopping, and the fact that he put on too much deodorant. He just blends into the background, it seems.
I loved how we were introduced to his power. He closed his eyes, waiting for the burning pain that was about to ensue, but that never happened. He didn’t collide with the ice. Instead, he floated about it. It was interesting and it was as if he was just eased into his power. If that makes sense. He's not entirely sure about what's happening but once he worked it all out it was as if he knew how to float and fly his whole life. It's as if his life had always been gearing up to this moment and this is the part of his life when finally something happens to him that will make him stand out.
The part about Serena was very interesting. It made me wonder whether the fact that she went out of her comfort zone was the trigger of her "powers". For the first time in a while, Serena decided to step out of her comfort zone and she drifted towards the crime section. Her comfort zone is described - quite vaguely - as romance; she reads a wide variety of romance novels and isn't fussy about exactly what type of romance she likes best, just that she enjoys reading romances. And I like how it's not described why she chose to try something different, and why she even chose the crime section to browse through, so it was good how you left parts of the story open, and didn't fill in exactly every gap - I like being able to make up my mind about stuff so this was good.
I also liked how her power wasn't incredibly specific and it wasn't described exactly what her power was. Is she just in tune with those around her and is able to hear other people's thoughts, or is it the books themselves? Is she actually hearing the thoughts of the characters inside the books? It's an interesting power, either way. And I like how not all the characters in this story necessarily welcome their powers. Grant and Millie seem to be at ease with their powers, and Angus welcomed his. And later on, there's no doubt that Ross has welcomed his powers either, since he would have been dead had they not kicked in.
I thought it was kind of ironic how the club that Ross went into was described as overpriced (he had blown a month’s wages in just under an hour, what with the door fee being extortionate and the drinks being overpriced) but the actual inside was kind of cheap, if you get me (a cheap sounding dance track was blasting over the speakers). It's kind of ironic how the club seems to pride itself on high quality, but it doesn't seem to be making an effort to keep people in there once they get there.
It's as if they just make their money on the door and drinks, and as soon as somebody goes in, they want to get them out just so they can get another person inside to blow all their money. It doesn't seem to be a welcoming place. “Can we leave, baby?” Ross nodded, “gladly.” Truth be told, he hadn’t been enjoying himself. The hype was just that. The club didn’t live up to it’s expectations, what with watered down overly expensive drinks and it’s stupidly priced door fee. Sorry for quoting so much, but that little section pretty much summed up the whole club. Nobody really seemed to be enjoying themselves in there and it's as if people want to go in just to see what it's like and whether it really is worth the high door fee. And obviously it isn't.
The confrontation was written well, and I like how Ross is instantly filled with confusion as to why his nose hasn't been broken or why it doesn't feel damaged in any way - it makes the next bit more believable. A lesser writer would have just wrote him as stepping out into the road without the reader really understanding why he'd done it without looking to see if there was any cars coming. But Ross is just confused, that's all there is to it. He can't explain why his nose has just healed and there's obviously a lot on his mind when he stepped out there and got hit by the car. You made it believable and I think that's why you're such a good writer.
The way you ended it was very good, as well, with a question. It's very open. Only time would tell whether they became heroes or villains. It takes the reader back and enables them to assess all of the characters situations, whether they'll use their new powers to just benefit themselves and take advantage, or whether they'll use them to help others.
I thought this was a really interesting take on the theme that you chose, and thank you for entering my contest. I'm so sorry it took me so long to leave this review.
:arms: 