Breathe - Comments

I loved it.
The topic was so simple, it made you want to read it.

Right. I haven't gotten over the awesomeness yet, but I figured I should comment anyway. Because you love when I comment, right? Yeah. This isn't going to be half as good a comment/review as it should be, sorry. I'm in awe.

(& I'm tired. Sorry if this makes no sense.)

So, uh, one little problem here: As you can see, it pretty much failed. WHAAAAT? This piece is so far from failure it's unreal. Seriously. Don't ever doubt the amazing-ness of your writing, Dani. You know it's way good. ::nod:

I love the fact that you took such a simple theme, that we all take for granted, and mould it into this huge… masterpiece. Because it is a simple thing, as you pointed out, and it’s so easy to take in every direction, but so hard to get right when you’re writing about it. Yet you aced it. I’m not sure how but you did.

Stuff that I won’t ever get to use. Stuff that I wouldn’t have used anyway. Off-hand teenager-ness for the win. I love it. you portray the attitude really well here; I’m really getting the whole who gives a fuck? theme.

I learnt that as well. This is such a simple little line but it holds a lot of meaning – for me, anyway – as well. I don’t know if it’s what you were trying to get across, but I took “things we take for granted” as a second, underlying theme. Because education is something we take for granted, as well as air, as you kept that theme going throughout the piece.

Aerobic. It means with oxygen. Or long distance, if you’re thinking in terms of sport. Anaerobic is the opposite. This is a 100% Dani line. I love when you get your genius-ness into your writing. ::nod:

I’ve just sprinted a long distance. My limbs are shaking, ad now I have tunnel vision. You forgot a ‘n’ in the word and. Also, I like the way these two lines pull you straight out of the attitude-ridden ramblings (I have no other word, sorry) and push you straight into something else entirely.

All this went through my head in the time it took to strangle me. Um, wow. Shocker much? I don’t think anyone could have expected that. It was an amazing ending, Dani. Well done.

Wow. That was really beautiful. I enjoyed it a lot. It was so simple and elegant, but so powerful. I loved it!

Wow, what a fantastic theme... Air!
You have made something so sad and lonely seem surreal and magical. Well done:)

Wow, I love the beginning here, it really makes the reader interested.
I love the theme here. Air. It gives me this feeling about it that I don't really know how to describe. Maybe after a few more years of playing with words, I'll be able to describe it.
Good job. =]
I love the ending too, even though it seems a bit sad.