Definition of Three - Comments

folie a dru. (1270)

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Review for Part Two copied from the Story/Review game.

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Ryan played guitar, he wrote lyrics, and that was what Ryan was good at. He was also good at sucking cock, but he really didn't want to have to rely on that talent for income.
I giggled, but also gave an 'aw' at the same time and I'm not quite sure why.

Pete's lips ghosted across his neck
Oh, yeah. That's so not the definition of hot right there.

"Oh god, Pete!"
"You think God would like this, Ryan?"
I love it when people always say some snide remark about God during sex. It amuses me to no end.

He stroked him faster, hoping to get more of those whorish sounds to leave Ryan's mouth.
How very Pete. And how very much it sums up his character at that exact moment. Very in control, in charge, wanting, enjoying the power he has, wanting to extract as much as he can from it.

"This is gonna be great! We can stay up late, watch chick flicks together and surf the web for free porn!"
I laughed out loud. Literally. I'm on the phone with Kristen and she's like 'I don't even want to know...'

So, overall now instead of just on quotes I loved...

I liked this chapter in contrast to the other. The writing styles mesh well. The first one was laced with underlying aggressive sexuality and this one brought the aggressive sexuality to the surface [and in quite a 'hot' way I might add, for lack of a better term]. I like the faltering of the hands. How nothing else is really said but we know exactly what is going through each character's mind [both of them because guys think with their dicks] at that point.

I was on the phone with Kristen when I read this and I'd laugh or 'aw' or go 'oh' and she'd keep asking me what was going on and I told her I wasn't going to read all the good parts to her because I didn't have enough patience to read an entire story out loud.
:tehe:

I hope this review does justice. It's one of my three subscriptions now. <333

November 18th, 2007 at 01:53am

jesslovespanic (100)

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This is amazing.
subscribe much?x

November 16th, 2007 at 07:13pm

king. (150)

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No comments are shitty.

November 16th, 2007 at 05:08am

Juliet; love (100)

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ooooh I like it -is still super shitty at comments-

November 16th, 2007 at 01:08am

boyscout. (100)

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^ Aww...ILY Yeya. You're reviews make me so happy inside. :tehe:

I can't wait until you post your chapter, so I can give it a long-ass review (that it will deserve :mrgreen:)!

November 15th, 2007 at 11:35am

king. (150)

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Kayz, guess what Master Jess? I'm going to review your chapter because I loved it do much! Smiley

I already know that the grammar and stuff is good. :file: In fact, there probably isn't going to be any criticism in this because it's just that awesome. Yep, that's right. I said it. :XD

[I'm listening to Guilty Pleasure right now! Smiley

]

He was also good at sucking cock, but he really didn't want to have to rely on that talent for income.
:lmfao I already expressed my pleasure at this line, but it’s just so clever that I have to laugh at it every time. It's awesome how you can incorporate humor at more serious times and not affect the atmosphere too severely. Even if it were to affect the atmosphere - it'd be in a good way.

Brendon had too much damn pride, and his ego just wouldn't allow himself to forgive and forget quite that easily.
A good insight to the character. I already know Brendon's persona, but this is a great line for those who don't, aka our readers.

Ryan's smirk was placed back on his face as he buried his face into Pete's neck.
Ryan in this reminds me of whoever the hell FOB is talking about in 7 Minutes In Heaven (Atavan Halen). Look the song up, it's crazy similar...

Pete's voice sounded a bit forced and strained as he said, "If you need anything, anything at all, don't even hesitate to ask me."
:omfg: WHY DOES HE SOUND FORCED AND STRAINED? I don't remember why.. unless it's a surprise.

But other than that I can almost smell the drama in the air. It's a-brewing...

Screw Brendon.
:XD Literally?

"R-ryan..." The older man's voice failed him as the brief thought of This is wrong, Brendon will kill me... invaded his mind; but those talented lips kept up and those thoughts were long gone. Now replaced with a haze of sexual desire and the need of those small hips thrusting against his own. Screw Brendon.
I really really love this paragraph [and the next] because it's a perfect example of how lust can basically override everything. It can take over pain, replace guilt and just fuck with your mind in so many ways.

Lungs burned, needing air they both wish they didn't need to breathe, and lips disconnected.
=O This line is my favorite. It has this desperate underlining to it that just makes it really brilliant.

"Oh god, Pete!"

"You think God would like this, Ryan?"
:lmfao

Ryan shook his head softly, he didn't know the answers to these questions, but he'd find out.
Ooh, a promise. A doorway to future troubles and answers.

...so they didn't look like they'd been making out and humping against a wall together...

They were talking politics, not having sexy time. Which was amazing, by the way...

:omfg: The ending! Perfect. It'll keep the readers reading and it gives Yeya something more to work with.