Don't Forget Memory Lane - Comments

Comment Swap:
I'm kind of impressed by the amount of comments you've gotten on just a prologue. How have you done this? Gotten so much attention in a short read? Man, I am going to have to add a tonne and a half of bull-spunk to even get this to count as a comment. Well... okay, we've got just a prologue. That is not much.

The formatting is nice. Visually pleasing to the eye. Good aesthetics, I have no idea how you have added the little graphic at the bottom. Impressive when working with this poorly programmed website.

It's a good start. I'm genuinly curious to know what happens, and now that i've read the whole thing i see you are re-writing the story. I really want my comment though so I'm going to stretch this out, and I apologize for wasting your time at this point.

Anyway, prologue is a little vague on the details, but I'm sure that is intentional. This is an eye grabber, and it certainly pique's interests, but as for a story, well... you need a story. What you have thus is interesting. I do fear that the rest of the story may have fallen into some 'early writer' tropes, which you've probably already picked out and that is why you're re-writing the thing. Story line is just good enough to salvage, but the writing might be cringe worthy in places. I dunno, I'm taking guesses. It's a shot in the dark.

You think I'm at two hundred characters yet? Again, I'm real sorry to be writing to you a load of junk, but here we are. You with just a prologue and me with hopes and dreams of receiving a comment. *Sighs* Here we are.

Comment Swap:
I'm kind of impressed by the amount of comments you've gotten on just a prologue. How have you done this? Gotten so much attention in a short read? Man, I am going to have to add a tonne and a half of bull-spunk to even get this to count as a comment. Well... okay, we've got just a prologue. That is not much.

The formatting is nice. Visually pleasing to the eye. Good aesthetics, I have no idea how you have added the little graphic at the bottom. Impressive when working with this poorly programmed website.

It's a good start. I'm genuinly curious to know what happens, and now that i've read the whole thing i see you are re-writing the story. I really want my comment though so I'm going to stretch this out, and I apologize for wasting your time at this point.

Anyway, prologue is a little vague on the details, but I'm sure that is intentional. This is an eye grabber, and it certainly pique's interests, but as for a story, well... you need a story. What you have thus is interesting. I do fear that the rest of the story may have fallen into some 'early writer' tropes, which you've probably already picked out and that is why you're re-writing the thing. Story line is just good enough to salvage, but the writing might be cringe worthy in places. I dunno, I'm taking guesses. It's a shot in the dark.

You think I'm at two hundred characters yet? Again, I'm real sorry to be writing to you a load of junk, but here we are. You with just a prologue and me with hopes and dreams of receiving a comment. *Sighs* Here we are.

Comment Swap:
I'm kind of impressed by the amount of comments you've gotten on just a prologue. How have you done this? Gotten so much attention in a short read? Man, I am going to have to add a tonne and a half of bull-spunk to even get this to count as a comment. Well... okay, we've got just a prologue. That is not much.

The formatting is nice. Visually pleasing to the eye. Good aesthetics, I have no idea how you have added the little graphic at the bottom. Impressive when working with this poorly programmed website.

It's a good start. I'm genuinly curious to know what happens, and now that i've read the whole thing i see you are re-writing the story. I really want my comment though so I'm going to stretch this out, and I apologize for wasting your time at this point.

Anyway, prologue is a little vague on the details, but I'm sure that is intentional. This is an eye grabber, and it certainly pique's interests, but as for a story, well... you need a story. What you have thus is interesting. I do fear that the rest of the story may have fallen into some 'early writer' tropes, which you've probably already picked out and that is why you're re-writing the thing. Story line is just good enough to salvage, but the writing might be cringe worthy in places. I dunno, I'm taking guesses. It's a shot in the dark.

You think I'm at two hundred characters yet? Again, I'm real sorry to be writing to you a load of junk, but here we are. You with just a prologue and me with hopes and dreams of receiving a comment. *Sighs* Here we are.

Comment Swap:
I'm kind of impressed by the amount of comments you've gotten on just a prologue. How have you done this? Gotten so much attention in a short read? Man, I am going to have to add a tonne and a half of bull-spunk to even get this to count as a comment. Well... okay, we've got just a prologue. That is not much.

The formatting is nice. Visually pleasing to the eye. Good aesthetics, I have no idea how you have added the little graphic at the bottom. Impressive when working with this poorly programmed website.

It's a good start. I'm genuinly curious to know what happens, and now that i've read the whole thing i see you are re-writing the story. I really want my comment though so I'm going to stretch this out, and I apologize for wasting your time at this point.

Anyway, prologue is a little vague on the details, but I'm sure that is intentional. This is an eye grabber, and it certainly pique's interests, but as for a story, well... you need a story. What you have thus is interesting. I do fear that the rest of the story may have fallen into some 'early writer' tropes, which you've probably already picked out and that is why you're re-writing the thing. Story line is just good enough to salvage, but the writing might be cringe worthy in places. I dunno, I'm taking guesses. It's a shot in the dark.

You think I'm at two hundred characters yet? Again, I'm real sorry to be writing to you a load of junk, but here we are. You with just a prologue and me with hopes and dreams of receiving a comment. *Sighs* Here we are.

Ope, looks like loads of others came from comment swap and I can see you take them seriously because you've decided to rewrite which is really cool and hopefully the point of the entire comment swap experience.

I really enjoy that the prologue doesn't give away too much and leaves the reader with just enough suspense. Why is there blood? Who is this guy with the velvety voice? Why is she in a hospital? Why is she named Memory?

From what I can see the plot is similar to many other stories but I assume you're going to take it in a unique direction. The emotional struggle between a desire to be the person you've always wanted to be, dreamed to be, the person you inner self would love to be, and being in a new place and fighting to return to the comforts of who you were in the first place. I am interested in seeing more about the relationship between Memory and her father and how she ended up not within his care.

Aside from that the characters seem typical and near contrived - in similar high school aged stories there's always the jock, always the best friend, always the mysterious boy so I hope the direction you take this in isn't typical of other works on this site.

Good luck!!!

I love it!! Can't wait to read more!!

So, I'm here from comment swap! Your story is lovely. Even though I only read a short part, it's already just absolutely beautiful. There is so much description and detail put into the story! I can picture everything that is happening. I can feel the emotion. I'm defiantly recommending and subscribing! I can't wait to read more!

Oh wow comment swap, you really have pleased me this time!
This is just wonderful, even through it's short I am already hooked. Your writing is wonderful, and you add just enough description into the story. The way you describe the smells and sights around you made me feel as if I was a character in this story, and how you described his voice as if it was velvet was a nice little touch too. I love the layout, it's easy to read and very very pretty. I love the banner too. I really loved this and I am subscribing for sure, update soon!

I miss this

(I am here from your comment swap thing on my story) I love the story so far, it's great. Can't wait till the next part, also there are a bit of errors with spelling and grammar too ;) also the layout is really nice, and the picture is beautiful.

Coming at you from comment swap!

First of all I have to tell you that your summary is absolutely breath taking! I actually want to read your story.

Prologue: Absolutely stunning. I love your writing style. Usually I'm not this nice in my comments, because I prefer to give constructive critisism, but I can't think of anything I would want you to change.

Chapter 1: There’s something about Memory that immedatly attracts me. Although the idea of a character like her has been done a thousand times, there’s something about her that feels very original. I don’t know if it’s her combinations of flaws and strenghts, or if it’s the way you write it, but I love her character.

Chapter 2: This story is not going in the direction I was expecting, but I like it. The thought of splitting Memory from her dad, is interesting. I would love to see what happens more.

I’m sorry I don’t have any constuctive to say, but I honestly can’t think of anything. So I suppose that’s only a good thing!

Comment Swap.

Well the last two lines of the summary really impressed me, it made me wonder what this would be all about.

prologue - I really like this start, it was very storybook like.

apartment above out bookstore. - I believe you met 'our'

Chapter One - I really liked how you started this chapter. It was a very unique way to open it up and not very common to see.

It was also a great introduction to Mallory. Personally I think this is a nice story and the characters seem pleasant, but it is a bit dry for being already two chapters in, I wasn't very hooked.

Otherwise though others seem to enjoy it, so you are obviously doing the right thing with it.

=D

Comment swap has brought me here. I really like your writing style, it all flows very well. This is very nice! You've got me curious. I did not notice many spelling or grammatical errors which is always a plus for everyone. Nice job! Keep up the good work!

Kristen :)

I'm here from the comment swap.
I always love stories with a prologue , I see it as a way to break the ice, really place the setting, which is nice.

I like the description that is weaved through the chapter, it's not an overload. I love the beginning, it's nice, and sweet, but then the ending is sad, and almost lonely, in way, hopefully you understand that.

I'm definitely curious about what's going to happen.

Lovely story.
Keep it up!
:)

I like your writing style, I enjoy your layout and your plot is creative. I find that you seem to have a natural talent for writing as I didn't find any grammatical or spelling errors and your writing seems to be amazing. I enjoyed reading this, don't stop writing!

I must say this is really nice :) the layout didn't capture my interest though. I would love to keep reding and I will recommend it just in case I want to.. I like the memory, though I don't really read these so often, but good luck and keep it up :D

Your writing style, and your layout, are beautiful. Your characters are so emotionally real and likable. You said "photogenic memory" at one point where I think it's actually termed "photographic memory." That's the only real error I noticed. Everything else seems fine in the first few chapters.

I'm on chapter four, but I need to go to bed. This is lovely. Memory is charming, and I genuinely can't wait to see more of Uncle Rob. He seems like he's going to be a lot if fun to see more of. I just hope his lady friend is as nice as i imagine. I'll read more of this tomorrow once I'm not about to fall asleep.

I can't see any grammatical errors or otherwise so you're looking good there. I really am excited to see how this develops. Best of luck!

I was given this story in the Comment Swap section, and honestly... I'm relieved. This seems to be the story that I've been searching for for a long time; drenched in sweetness, sincerity and a melancholy romance. Your character, Memory, is one that I can relate to a lot, and I really enjoy her relationship with Skye. It's almost a silent, unspoken friendship... one that every person would long to have but dread the outcome of at the same time.

Your writing is bursting with beautiful words and a simplicity that is very rare. I don't like Jolie at all, and I really, truly wish that she would go away! Haha. I've been reading this story for barely an hour but I'm already emotionally invested in it. I think I'll cry when Skye and Memory get together! :3

This is absolutely beautiful. There are grammar mistakes here and there, but otherwise it is flawless. I love it to pieces, and I sincerely hope that you update soon! XD

thank you for updating :)
i still love it!