Uh...no. You really need to get rid of the chatspeak in the story, the smiley faces, etc. You have to write like you see in books. Not the skill of the people who write books, but with actual words and emotions and stuff. I couldn't even understand what was going on because there was nearly no action and just...no description at all. I'm sorry but it's the truth. Go read a book and see how it differs from your story, and don't tell me "This isn't supposed to be a book" because it doesn't matter. That's not an excuse. Writing is still writing and you still have to do it so other people can read it.
April 8th, 2010 at 11:25am