First of all, the fucking background, layout, picture...all of that is fucking beautiful, but more than that, it's got this like, desire feel to it, like rage&love in color and expression and just holy shit. First thing, and it's got me hooked already, without even reading yet.
Holy shit, the first paragraph is so fucking raw with that emotion, that rage&love that can only be called lust, and besides the Tre and Mike sexual references, there isn't even anything lusty written in it, but the fucking feel of the words and their sound and imagery just overwhelms you with that lust. I don't think I've ever read anything with such a powerful feeling as that crawling out. The whole image of animals escaping throats and clawing their way out....is perfect.
And the second paragraph is just so rife in this feeling of urgency, maybe even panic. But once again, it isn't the words spelling out the feeling, it's the words screaming and shoving their feeling into my veins. Like you could say the exact same thing in different words, and it would be simple and dull and wouldn't have any meaning....but this, these words, just perfect for right where they are, just screaming the emotion you can't read from them, just feel. It's fucking amazing, Vonn. And I've barely gotten anywhere yet in this story.
"he felt like every sound he had heard in the past 38 years were coming back and streaming through his mind, kicking and biting and punching every inch of his brain."
I absolutely love this, and you can see it come to live in the next paragraph or two when Billie's having trouble reacting, and then with Mike telling everyone to sing really loud, the reader is like on edge wondering what the hell is he doing, and how is Billie gonna handle it, and fuck, Mike, of all times, you just can't be doing that now, not when Billie seems to be freaking out, but no one but the reader and Billie know he is.
And I just wanted to say that the "alright?!" at the end of Mike's little speech is absolutely perfect. It completely brings me back to BIAB in the instant I read that word, and it's so funny that a simple word as that, a simple word that people use all the time for all kinds of reasons...can just totally transport me to BIAB, to every single time Billie says it, and if I'm honest, at this very moment, I can't even remember what he says when he uses that word, but I can fucking hear him saying it over and over in my head, in that voice of his, and you did that, somehow, just by using that word. Just...wow.
And just when you think something bad is gonna happen, just when you're about to freak out from the violent foreboding...everything is lightened by Tre [which is that perfect reflection of his effect on things]. Good ol' Tre saves the day. And finally the reader can breathe and laugh along. And then we realize that they were just going to sing Happy Birthday, and Billie was only freaking from embarrassment, like all birthday boys. And I really did start laughing along when Billie tries bribing the crowd. It's perfect.
I absolutely love the build up of emotion, even if the emotion ends up wrong in the end, because it's just that build up that makes everything so beautiful in stories. You were able to completely captivate me with just a paragraph or two of beautiful, raw emotion dripping from your words. And I don't even know how you did it. I love the ending, it's beautiful, especially when Billie can't help but cry from happiness. It's perfect, and so very realistic.
I so admire your writing, your style, the way you can overwhelm the reader in emotions without saying anything about them, without using obvious feeling words, without doing anything but pouring your soul into your writing. It just...works, so beautiful. I love how you can affect people with your words. This story just blew me away. You're incredible, Vonn.
Holy shit, the first paragraph is so fucking raw with that emotion, that rage&love that can only be called lust, and besides the Tre and Mike sexual references, there isn't even anything lusty written in it, but the fucking feel of the words and their sound and imagery just overwhelms you with that lust. I don't think I've ever read anything with such a powerful feeling as that crawling out. The whole image of animals escaping throats and clawing their way out....is perfect.
And the second paragraph is just so rife in this feeling of urgency, maybe even panic. But once again, it isn't the words spelling out the feeling, it's the words screaming and shoving their feeling into my veins. Like you could say the exact same thing in different words, and it would be simple and dull and wouldn't have any meaning....but this, these words, just perfect for right where they are, just screaming the emotion you can't read from them, just feel. It's fucking amazing, Vonn. And I've barely gotten anywhere yet in this story.
"he felt like every sound he had heard in the past 38 years were coming back and streaming through his mind, kicking and biting and punching every inch of his brain."
I absolutely love this, and you can see it come to live in the next paragraph or two when Billie's having trouble reacting, and then with Mike telling everyone to sing really loud, the reader is like on edge wondering what the hell is he doing, and how is Billie gonna handle it, and fuck, Mike, of all times, you just can't be doing that now, not when Billie seems to be freaking out, but no one but the reader and Billie know he is.
And I just wanted to say that the "alright?!" at the end of Mike's little speech is absolutely perfect. It completely brings me back to BIAB in the instant I read that word, and it's so funny that a simple word as that, a simple word that people use all the time for all kinds of reasons...can just totally transport me to BIAB, to every single time Billie says it, and if I'm honest, at this very moment, I can't even remember what he says when he uses that word, but I can fucking hear him saying it over and over in my head, in that voice of his, and you did that, somehow, just by using that word. Just...wow.
And just when you think something bad is gonna happen, just when you're about to freak out from the violent foreboding...everything is lightened by Tre [which is that perfect reflection of his effect on things]. Good ol' Tre saves the day. And finally the reader can breathe and laugh along. And then we realize that they were just going to sing Happy Birthday, and Billie was only freaking from embarrassment, like all birthday boys. And I really did start laughing along when Billie tries bribing the crowd. It's perfect.
I absolutely love the build up of emotion, even if the emotion ends up wrong in the end, because it's just that build up that makes everything so beautiful in stories. You were able to completely captivate me with just a paragraph or two of beautiful, raw emotion dripping from your words. And I don't even know how you did it. I love the ending, it's beautiful, especially when Billie can't help but cry from happiness. It's perfect, and so very realistic.
I so admire your writing, your style, the way you can overwhelm the reader in emotions without saying anything about them, without using obvious feeling words, without doing anything but pouring your soul into your writing. It just...works, so beautiful. I love how you can affect people with your words. This story just blew me away.