L'amoure Est Juste Un Jeu - Comments

  • Dana Scully

    Dana Scully (450)

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    I really like how you haven't updated in almost 2 years.
    Hmmph, will you put a thought back into this? I absolutely fell in love with this story, before ever reading the chapter :]
    April 4th, 2009 at 03:05am
  • Jenni

    Jenni (150)

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    I like the idea of a French based story. -suscribes- ;o
    December 12th, 2007 at 04:15am
  • Tre the Cool.

    Tre the Cool. (100)

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    I finally got the chance to read it! And wow! Just...amazing. Je sais que cette histoire va être très bonne. :mrgreen:, and I'm going to subscribe.
    November 16th, 2007 at 05:31am
  • cheer up charlie

    cheer up charlie (100)

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    Mais tonight- tonight is different.
    That's a bit odd, being 1 French word, then the rest of the sentance English. I know you don't speak French, and I don't speak it very well, either, but yeah..
    :| Don't mind me.

    I really liked your wording, though. And the Moulin Rouge. In Love

    Chel, I really liked it and I hope for more soon, no matter how long it takes you to update. :D

    (sorry, my Mum's pushing me to get off.)

    Well done.
    November 8th, 2007 at 02:37pm
  • Chemical Heart.

    Chemical Heart. (150)

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    The Way:
    I feel iffy not leaving a proper review, but I did beta it already, so... Smiley

    You know I love it. :P
    You're just lazy Isa. :tehe:

    But you did beta, so I can forgive you. :hug:
    November 7th, 2007 at 12:40am
  • The Way

    The Way (1400)

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    I feel iffy not leaving a proper review, but I did beta it already, so... Smiley

    You know I love it. :P
    November 6th, 2007 at 10:06pm
  • king.

    king. (150)

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    I freaked out on MSN because of this. I was leaving you a review, nearly got done, and then... I have no idea what happened. The computer screen blacked out. So, that's why I was cursing and going crazy with the letters. Sorry...

    By gum, though, I'll start again. -determined face-

    Okay, so I have already expressed my love for the layout, but I will do it again, because I just love it that much. THE LAYOUT... is LOVE.

    Smiley

    My first impression was "Hm, it's short. I hope I can leave a suitable review." As I read it through, and then reread it, I was thinking ":roll: Well, DUH Yeya. This is CHELS we're talking about. With her skillz, you could leave her a good review even if the chapter was only two sentences."
    But don't think that this prologue is too short, because it's not. It's perfect the way it is.

    Let's start off with the criticism, ay? There isn't going to be much except for a correction in verb tense that was most likely a typo. First paragraph, second line. Maybe you see it... yes'm, clouded. Should be cloud? Present-tense is a bitch - it's really cool how you can keep up with it consistently.

    The lonely wind howls beyond the sanctuary of this old room as my heart beats rhythmically in the darkness of this place where so many secrets have been hidden.
    :cheese: PERFECT OPENING LINE. Seriously. It completely captures the reader's interest. It captured mine immediately, and as I reread it, it kept capturing me. It has the perfect levels of mystery and intrigue. Already, you can sense how... dramatic and sad this story is going to be. That sole line sets the legacy. That's just brilliant...

    Pouring out through my fingertips and bleeding onto the pristine surface of the paper, sending chills down my spine as I so dangerously shift through the thoughts that I so cowardly cannot speak to anyone.
    Oh, wow. Seriously... wow. That line is so poetically beautiful. It's written in the true style of Moulin Rogue. I can feel the shivers racing down my back as I imagine the character coming to life with through a pen to paper.
    Not only is this line just beautiful, but it has a purpose - other than to leave Yeya with her mouth open in awe. It gives us an insight to the character, even if it's just a brief one. Already, we know that this character has been through a lot. He's gone through so much that it's made him fear. It's caused his heart so much ache that he can't bear to look at his cowardly soul.

    The following paragraph just supports that. It delves a little deeper into his personality... and it flows. You start a new paragraph from an idea in the previous one. That's awesome. In this same paragraph, you use a series of three "consuming..." sentences. Usually, three is an overused number, but in this, it made perfect sense It just fit so well. It wasn't cliché at all.

    Instead, I find myself here, telling the story that my eyes have so carelessly witnessed once upon a time.
    I can barely even begin to describe how much I am already loving this story. Not just because of the storyline and your descriptions [which are amazing, by the way] but because of how it’s written. The line I have italicized is a subtle reference to how this character’s life wasn’t always woe and pain. (S)He used to have it easy, or at least easy enough. I love how you can do that, and I can’t really explain what it is. Just… being so subtle and still getting your reader to understand. That’s really incredible.

    So now my friend, my weary heart shall spill the story it has hidden for so long. Murdering the innocent pages of this journal and waiting. Waiting for a pair of unknowing eyes to stumble upon them.
    Just as the opening line was perfect, the closing paragraph was just as wonderful. It, once again, keeps the reader interested. It’s going to make us crave to know what happens next.

    Overall this piece was, you know, whatever.
    :file:

    Seriously, it’s more than marvelous. One chapter, not even a long one at that, and I’m already in love. You’ve got me hooked, Chels. You can count on me subscribing once I hit the “submit“ button.

    So, take care, update whenever you get the chance and don’t take anyone’s shit.
    November 6th, 2007 at 07:39am
  • Chemical Heart.

    Chemical Heart. (150)

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    Run-on sentences + me = disasterous. But I fixed them, and change it to l'Arc.

    Thank you both! In Love
    November 6th, 2007 at 06:13am
  • princess.

    princess. (350)

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    The lonely wind howls beyond the sanctuary of this old room as my heart beats rhythmically in the darkness of this place where so many secrets have been hidden. My eyes clouded with confusion as I find myself sitting here with this journal, the knowledge of the past haunting me, overwhelming me. It is all I can think of. Mais tonight- tonight is different. The words which have so long escaped me, have returned. Pouring out through my fingertips and bleeding onto the pristine surface of the paper, sending chills down my spine as I so dangerously shift through the thoughts that I so cowardly cannot speak to anyone. The wording here - c'est parfait. But watch your run-on sentences.

    No matter how hard I try to forget, these memories have been etched into my being, just like the names that have been carved so perfectly into le Arc de Triomphe over time. Ignoring the run-on sentence, it should be l'Arc - pas le Arc.

    The ending is just :cheese: Period.

    Also thanks for the ded! ;) I'm not that great.
    November 6th, 2007 at 06:07am
  • Bastard Son.

    Bastard Son. (200)

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    Mais tonight- tonight is different. The words which have so long escaped me, have returned. Pouring out through my fingertips and bleeding onto the pristine surface of the paper, sending chills down my spine as I so dangerously shift through the thoughts that I so cowardly cannot speak to anyone.

    The wording is just... Let me use my favorite not-sex related smiley on here: :cheese:
    The French words and phrases you worked in really made the whole setting more realistic. The way you painted this picture was immaculate. Perfect, to speak frankly.

    No matter how hard I try to forget the ghosts spawned from a lingering past, I cannot. Instead, I find myself here, telling the story that my eyes have so carelessly witnessed once upon a time. A story about a time, and a place, and a love. A story so heavily laden with secrets and lies that my heart cannot bear to have knowledge of. I ask myself time and time again, never getting an answer: Why me?

    So now my friend, my weary heart shall spill the story it has hidden for so long. Murdering the innocent pages of this journal and waiting. Waiting for a pair of unknowing eyes to stumble upon them.


    The only reason why didn't simply copy the entire thing is cause that would be lame. xD
    I knew you were a good writer. But only a couple of people on this entire site can make me gawk at my computer screen like this. Seriously. I'm printing this out and sticking it into my journal/updating notebook cause I'm being stalkerish and lame.

    You just had to leave us itching for more, eh?

    In Love

    P.S. Thanks for the dedication, even though I wasn't that much help. xDD
    And you have a typo in the word dedicated. xD You're apart of our team, after all. XD

    I loved it beyond words.

    Avec Amour, le Reeehtard.
    November 6th, 2007 at 05:51am
  • Chemical Heart.

    Chemical Heart. (150)

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    L'amoure est juste un Jeu - Love is Just A Game.

    Hope you enjoy.

    In this post, I will put all the French vocabulary you may see and their English translation as an aid to those who cannot speak French. Like me! xD

    French to English
    Mais - But
    l'Arc de Triomphe - The Arch of Triumph
    Avec Amour - With Love/ Yours Truly
    November 6th, 2007 at 05:40am