Lolita - Comments

  • rooftopsandbirds

    rooftopsandbirds (100)

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    Is this first chapter? Because if yes, I can't wait to read more. The only little flaw this story had for me is that it's so short :] But dont understand me wrong. As long as it is okay for you, it must be for the reader.

    So the first thing that really got me interested were very well written dialogues. They flow so naturally. Then also the way you structure to conversation... I could feel from it that there is understanding between the two, certain level of understanding, that is.

    Because the writer is obviously elder. My Lolita, that automatically evokes a female Lolita. But your character is a male Lolita, and that made it one wonderful change of expected scheme (and especially for a reader who enjoys reading stories of young boys, like me). One thing that kept me interested all the time of reading was that I will be given any hint on if the writer is a man or a woman. I like that you never said this. If you write more chapters, it will be probably revealed... I dont know. I'd like if it wasnt, because it worked so perfectly in this piece. In a chaptered story... I guess it'd be difficult (or impossible).

    I dont know how old you are but the way you write makes me think you're an author with experience. Not just the way this is built.. the dialogues, the flow of the narration, the way you introduce the young lolita boy... and the relation of the writer to him (even when it is never explicitly said what they are), the tension so skillfully buit in the part where the writer describes what is he/she writing about... and the reactions of the boy. I like how the age difference between them is SO obvious thanks to not stating their age, but thanks to your amazing writing skills.

    The part I loved the most, however, starts from:
    "That is not entirely an honest description however. I wrap my arms around his thin waist and rest my chin on his shoulder. "Ultimately, I write about love."
    ... from there it was, for me, artistic perfection.

    You have my comment, subscription, and I think this piece deserves much more of them.
    April 30th, 2010 at 08:08pm
  • what.the.fudge?

    what.the.fudge? (100)

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    Yaaaaaaaaaaaayyy!!! First commenter! ^______________^ WOW. This is an absolutely amazing... story for the first chapter.... I... Just... WOW. O__________________________O
    February 28th, 2010 at 02:06pm