Mirror - Comments

care for a REVIEW?

Title: the title is good. It kinda reflects on the character's bi-polarness or whatever.

Layout: you know you can make your own layout. Original layouts, especially attractive ones, appeals to the readers making them more interested to read. But it's okay if you don't.

Summary: the summary is. . long. You shouldn't tend to give off too much information. Just tell us about what your kind of plot line is like. Leave us sort of wondering and curious.

You don't need to put completed on every chapter link. It's like every chapter is a diff. story and it's finished.

Content:
"Yeah dad, I know, just step on it" I said
you should have a comma after every dialogue.
Kinda like "Yeah dad, I know, just step on it," I said
All of your dialogues that are like these should be changed.

"Sup Vin, Hey Ela" I said looking at Ela busy with arranging her locker (Ela's locker and mine is just beside each other, but Vin's is at the end of the corridor, so he make it a point to go to his locker earlier )
get rid of the parenthesis. you could always use a comma. It kinda ruins the chapter. It's like you're putting author's notes in the middle of the story. Not a good thing.

my two bestest friend ever in my entire life
it should be friends

so me and Vin known each other since birth (Literally)
it will be more proper if you changed it to so me and Vin known each other since birth - Literally.

His this handsome, . .
He's is the right word. There are a lot of errors like this. You should change them.

"Give back that money!" I shouted ('I' as in her, the one who isn't trapped)
I think it's better if it was "Give back that money!" I saw myself shout.

"Look Vin! she's waking up!" Ela said (I finally recognize her voice)
right term should be: "Look Vin! she's waking up!" Ela said, as I finally recognized the voice.

There are, actually, still a lot of grammatical errors. But I guess, if you proofread once more, you'll figure it out. Or you could ask me. I have time. Or whatever.

Overall: Well at least, overall, you did a good job. The story concept is nice and I feel there's still a lot more to it. I'm guessing that you somehow connect with your characters. Giving us a little glint of who YOU are. You write with what you feel inside and I think you still have a lot of potential.
Keep it up.

HUGSandSKITTLES,
alyssa.

hey gineklyt, hope you missed me! Btw, your story's great! Keep it up!

hehehehe, nice one klyt. This is felis, the person sitting right next to you. :)))

first off i like it, but you could have told a little more about her and when she found out she had bi-polar disorder. it is very well written and a very good start though. explaining how her and her friends meet was a good way to introduce the characters. for the first chapter this was very good. ending with the mystery of who was at the end of the hall was a good idea to. hope to see more writing from you soon.