Moon Over Bourbon Street - Comments

Hah, I actually know someone named Spike from New Orleans. You and I must be from the same part of the country... :)

This is well-written, I think. Maybe a little heavy on the New Orleans theme (with the beignets and the names and the "half-Creole" and stuff)... but I suppose this is the early 1900s. I know that you intended this to have more than one part, so maybe I'd have changed my mind, but I just couldn't really believe that Spike was really in love with this girl. I'm sure that you had more about their relationship planned out, but I just kind of thought that Spike was kind of creepy (in a good way, though)! Also, I didn't really get the "wise beyond her years" from the girl. She seemed to frilly and bouncy. But again, I don't have your brain, so I have no idea how things would have turned out. :)

Maybe I just can't stop thinking about Bourbon Street, which I have to admit, (sorry!) I really hate. I really don't like any of the touristy areas of New Orleans, but places like St. Charles Avenue are gorgeous, huh? That's the good stuff. <3
But it's a city with fantastic culture, so I can see why you write about it a lot. I have an idea for a story of my own about a Cajun kid who gets a scholarship to a northern college, but he definitely lives more on the bayou, haha.

Anyway. An interesting story, dude.

I really like this (: I haven't read a turn of the century story written that well. And Spike's character was downright amazing.
Lovely job (:

This was absolutely gorgeous. That's all I can say.

I'm off to stalk the rest of your stories now.

One Shot for One Shot

This was absolutely a lovely one-shot.

The terror the trumpet player felt is instantly contagious. Love it. And I also adore how the beginning opens up, with the trumpet player sitting on a crate and everything.

I just noticed something after reading; your opening line was 'Bourbon street was dead. Not literally dead, of course...' I remember that almost immediately after, you described how there were many dead, bloody bodies in the bar. I think that might qualify as 'literally dead'.

Your description of Spike in the first few paragraphs made the entire one-shot have a dark, murderous quality. But near the end, it's obvious that he's got a soft spot for Antoine. It slightly contradicts the character you created out of him before, in my opinion. Vampires have weaknesses, yes, and perhaps Spike has a weakness for Antoine. A smaller affection/fascination would have made more sense, though, I think. It would contradict less with the menacing visage created in the beginning.

And that reminds me: Antoine. I wonder why Spike chooses to call her by her middle name rather than Maria, her first name.

The descriptions are all very lovely, you used quite a lot of phrases and adjectives that I've never seen in anyone else's writing. It truly takes the reader to magical places, as if we're able to sit up in the tree right next to Spike while he's watching Antoine.

I also like the budding relationship between Antoine and Spike, and I'm curious to see what direction it's going to head off in, in the second part.

I love, love love the way that Spike talks. I don't picture him looking like a god, the way Stephanie Meyer described the Cullen's/Hale's. I like your way of describing vampires better than Stephanie Meyer. It seems more realistic, and Spike sticks to the traditional view of vampires (coffin, staying away from sunlight, etc...) more than the vampires in Twilight, which I appreciate.

I must say it again: You have one of the best imagery-depicting abilities I've seen on Mibba so far, no joke. Reading Moon Over Bourbon Street is the equivalent to watching a movie play behind my eyes.

Con-crit was hard to dish out in this situation, because really, there aren't very many faults for me to point out. A few grammar mistakes here and there and one part near the beginning that needs a bit of tweaking:

Fighting his instincts, the man took another drag off his cigarette and dropped it to the ground, grinding it under

“I’m perfectly content. Play on,” the man smiled, his Londoner accent heavy.
his foot. The musician shrugged, placed his trumpet to his lips, and started another tune, this one a ragtime, fast and jarring.

^ It’s not even a grammatical mistake. *Amazed*. I can tell that the "I'm perfectly content..." part was added in afterwards, because 'grinding it under' and 'his foot' are separated by that line.

The biggest fault (though it is still kind of small, if that makes sense) was how, while Antoine and her governess were speaking as if they lived in the past, Spike spoke like someone from more recent times.

I honestly hope that the second part will be posted soon, and of course, the third. I'd definitely subscribe if this were to be made into a story.

Afternote: I just realised that Spike is a character from Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Apologies if any of my comments regarding Spike are kinda stupid. I've never watched Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

Hm. I thought this was an original fiction; I adore those. I'm a smidge disappointed after realizing that Spike's character was there already.

I really hope this afternote doesn't sound rude. The positive qualities of your writing remain very much in place. :)

I really liked this, I think you've got turn of the century New Orleans down pat and Spike's character great too.
My only qualms with it (and it's incredibly petty) is the spelling of Thibedaux.
I know many Thibodeaux's, it's a common name here but it's always spelled Thibodeaux...
I've just never seen it spelled that way and it just looks weird to me. But that's just me.

I'm just going to reply here to both of you.

Thank you both! It won't be over that soon. I'm actually thinking of turning this into a chaptered fic.

bandits. -- New Orleans is BEAUTIFUL. If you ever get a chance to go, GO. And in the deep south, governesses were still pretty common. And it's a backstory that won't get explored, but Mrs. Tweed is actually Antoine's mother's old governess. She wouldn't have one, but Mrs. Tweed insisted on coming to America with the family.

Oh, I absolutely loved this. The language was beautiful, as was the description of New Orleans. I've always wanted to go there, you know. Spike was spot on. And Madame Antoine is positively darling. I love her already. I don't know how common governesses were in 1918, but regardless. I'm definitely going to be sad to see this over!

I love, love, loved it! I think that the description of the scenery was really well written and how you portrayed Spike was amazing. I can not wait for the next part.