March 7th, 2010 at 07:17pm
"Take those off." She throws a pair of stilettos at me. "Put those on. Skate shoes aren't cool anymore." - This sounds dangerous XD
The faded, electric-blue "V" has grass stains on it from when I used to take long walks in the Washington woods. - I love this little bit of description. I've had most of my shoes since I was in like, sixth grade, so it's very relatable.
I feel like one of the ugly sisters from Cinderella trying to put on the glass slipper. - Sweet metaphor. An allusion to a Disney classic is always a plus in my book.
"I'm glad you're not arguing anymore. It's such a pain when people don't listen," she says airily, grabbing my wrist - I love the irony of this sentence. Blonde Jennifer is bitching about how no one listens to her, while she's not listening to Genevieve at all. Damn hypocrite.
"We're tanning today," curly-haired Jennifer says, handing me a big bottle of SPF 60. - I like how they consider tanning an all day event. It sort of shows a bit of their shallowness without being too straightforward.
I really can't wait to punch her. - I love how relatable your main character is! I was thinking this like, two paragraphs ago.
Four guys stand up as we head toward some empty chairs. "Hello there, ladies," a guy with skater hair says, brunette Jennifer rolling her eyes. "Looks like you've got a fourth member in your group." - Uh oh, introducing the boys ;)
Her perfectly-manicured nails glint in the sunlight. - I love how you manage to give little bits of amazing detail. I would have never in my life thought to describe someone's fingernails yet it works so perfectly.
"Oh my goodness, Genevieve! Who reads anymore!" - This legit made me laugh-out-loud! The Jennifers remind me of the Plastics in Mean Girls.
Blonde Jennifer says something to me, but I only see her lips move. I nod, pretending to understand what she said. - I feel like this is something everyone does (there's even a FB group for it!), but I don't think I've ever read it in a story. You pick up on the best things.
"I feel like my mom just wants me to be part of the 'in-crowd' because I've never really..." I cheeks turn red. - I totally get this feeling; my mom is the same way.
Okay, I really love how you've introduced the BTR boys, especially Kendall. I am falling for Kendall, even though Logan is sooo my man, so that means you must be doing something right. I love your style so much, and I'm not just saying this because you're my friend. This had no grammatical errors whatsoever, it flowed well, and it was an easy read. Overall, a reviewer's dream =)
^^^^ OMG I DO THAT TOO! haha again i love things people can relate to in your writing.
I glare at both of them and slam my door shut.
^^ when i read this immagine her calling them bitches haha. i completely feel the wya the chrater does again good job.
I pull off the jeans and squeeze my feet into blonde Jennifer's size six stilettos. I feel like one of the ugly sisters from Cinderella trying to put on the glass slipper.
^^ love these two sentences.
"Well, you'll start," brunette Jennifer replies, strutting towards the pool. "Now, c'mon; my skin isn't going to tan in the lobby."
^^^^ i like this but i would make play around with the last part about tanning a bit.
maybe something glow like j.lo or something that seems a snoody "prep" would say.
Blonde Jennifer drapes an arm around my shoulders. "Stop acting like such a loser, Genevieve. Hold your head up; your posture is terrible." I really can't wait to punch her.
^^^ couldn't agree more.
Four guys stand up as we head toward some empty chairs. "Hello there, ladies," a guy with skater hair says, brunette Jennifer rolling her eyes. "Looks like you've got a fourth member in your group."
^^^^capitalize the B in Brunette if you want to refer to the Jennifers as if their hair color was part of their identitiy and name. i think that would be neat.
"This is Genevieve Caulfield, an honorary Jennifer," blonde Jennifer replies, waving her hand at them. Her perfectly-manicured nails glint in the sunlight. "Genevieve, these are the Big Time Losers."
"Some think I'm related to Holden Caulfield," I joke, but the Jennifers give me blank stares. "You know, the main character from the novel Catcher in the Rye." I'm guessing none of the Jennifers have ever read an important literary work in their lives, but one of the four guys chuckles.
^^^ love the insite to her personality.
I shrug. "Blonde Jennifer's my cousin; she's helping me get...acquainted." I just felt like the life-sized Barbie her parents never bought her. "Where are your friends?"
^^^ love the life-size Barbie comparison. :)
"I don't know. I guess I've always been considered a loser or something." Captain of the debate team, president of the medical interest club--you're looking right at her.
^^^ quotes in the wrong place? shouldnt it be after her?
"You already did," Logan points out.
^^^ change to a . if you want
Over all i really love this chapter. We get more of an insight into Genevieve's personallity and thoughts.
Can I say Team- Kendall?
haha
keep adding more. I love this. Its more addicting than Pistascios.
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God, I feel like an elitist jerk; I've been bashing people who don't have much talent in writing at school...but then again, it may be that I just don't enjoy their style of writing. I have how most teachers give you a pat on the back and a smile, expecting that that is what you wanted from them. And maybe it is sometimes--maybe you want to feel like you're writing is acceptable to the community. But at the same time, how will you grow if you aren't given the hard facts? If something sucks, it sucks! Be truthful, teachers!
//end rambling.
:) ^^^^ i love this you made such a valid point