and the healthiest woman I know. 'Know' should be 'knew'.
Some of your sentence don't read well and are unnecessarily choppy. For example: I replayed her day in my mind. Since, I did hang out with her all day. This could be one sentence; I replayed her day in my mind since I did hang out with her all day.
This lacked emotion and wasn't the most enjoyable thing to read--and not because of the subject matter. You end a lot of sentences where they shouldn't end and start a lot of sentences where they shouldn't start-- In other words, a lot of your sentences could be combined to make one sentence.
The plot also lacked in the fact that I wasn't interested by what I was reading and the 'mystery' didn't have me on the edge of my seat like I think you wanted the reader to be.
'Know' should be 'knew'.
Some of your sentence don't read well and are unnecessarily choppy. For example: I replayed her day in my mind. Since, I did hang out with her all day.
This could be one sentence; I replayed her day in my mind since I did hang out with her all day.
This lacked emotion and wasn't the most enjoyable thing to read--and not because of the subject matter. You end a lot of sentences where they shouldn't end and start a lot of sentences where they shouldn't start-- In other words, a lot of your sentences could be combined to make one sentence.
The plot also lacked in the fact that I wasn't interested by what I was reading and the 'mystery' didn't have me on the edge of my seat like I think you wanted the reader to be.