Like A.M. Radio - Comments

HOLY SHIT IT'S LOGAN!
I'm subbing.
<3

Wow, this story is so dang awesome.
Usually I don't like stories set in a school theme, because they happen to be so cliche most of the time, but I loved this one. Mostly because it was in a college instead of a highschool as well. It was a nice change, and it has a different feel to it from most stories. Definitely unique.
It's almost like a mystery, and I felt like I had to read it all word for word to grasp what was happening, which can be a bad thing at times, but in this case it was completely awesome.
And the plot, oh my god, the plot. Is just awesome. I don't really know how to describe it, but your plot seems to be so detailed from the very beginning, as if there's nothing missing, and yet there's still enough gaps in the plot threads to keep you interested.
Truly, this was one of the best stories I've read on mibba in such a long time. I will definitely be subscribing and keeping up with you on this one. The way it all connects... is just brilliant. You can tell from the first chapter, or even just the summary, that this story has been well thought out, thought out to the extremes. I loved that about it.
You should be proud of this story, it's fantastic, and I'm glad I decided to check it out. <3

Hmm, I love the layout.
And the story seems like it will be good. (:

Big Tim Rush?
I love it already

And you used my favorite character.
I love it even more.

I'll definiately keep my eyes on this.

Story Review Game - Chapter Six

Kandi awoke to the dull throbbing of a migraine that felt like a little man was inside of her skull, pounding a sledgehammer against her brain.
- I think that this is worded so awkwardly. Mixing around the arrangement of the words could make it so much more effective.

Her brown eyes began to dart around frantically in search of shoes, for a quick getaway, and some sort of explanation.
- Nice. I love this line. The arrangement, the words used. You've done a really great job of conveying Kandi's confusion and then horror at seeing Logan in the bed.

To keep from looking like a maniac, Kandi forced herself to walk slowly to the Campus Life building.
- Haha. I've got such a great mental image of Kandi right now. Like I said, you're doing amazing with the guilt and regret.

The way she talked made Kaci believe that she honestly thought this was a good defense. It wasn't.
- I love this sentence. It's exactly the way a girl reacts to her friend doing something stupid, right? You go into sympathy mode while in your own mind, your thinking she's a complete idiot. The only think I don't like about this sentence is how you used the word talked. Even spoke would have better.

“Promise you’ll tell me what’s going on later.”
- I've read a couple of the previous chapters, and from what I've gotten from it all, this doesn't seem like a very Genevieve thing to say. Maybe I mistook her character, but it seemed to me as though she didn't really care much about the dramatics of Kandi's life? But again, it's been a while since I read that, so I could be wrong.

I think you ended it perfectly with that little cliff hanger. I'm sure all your die-hard readers will be anxious to find out how the conversation works out between Logan and Kandi. Good job on this chapter though. You introduced the guilt, regret and all the emotions wonderfully, and you definitely kept my attention through the entire thing. Good job.

story review game
chapter 6

really enjoyed this - you definitely succeeded in making me giggle and facepalm in a few places

Kandi awoke to the dull throbbing of a migraine that felt like a little man was inside of her skull, pounding a sledgehammer against her brain. this was a perfect and utterly badass opening line, i have to say. it was what made me decide to review your story. so i guess you really have a knack for that.

When she noticed Logan asleep beside her, her eyes grew wide and “WTF?” flashed in her minds in huge red letters, similar to the clock she'd glanced at only seconds ago. i also love this. it's so vivid! you are now crowned queen of comic imagery. (should be "mind" rather than "minds" though, i figure?)

i do have some criticism though, which i do hope you won't take too personally

But she breathed a sigh of relief as she felt the warm breeze hit her face. this would actually be a really good bit, 'cause i totally know the relief of getting-the-fuck-out-of-there. but you use a cliché to describe it and then you say the breeze "hit her face". to me, that image is too violent. it should be softer. the warm breeze fell upon her face, maybe?

also, i'm sure you know the old show-don't-tell trick, but always make sure your reader understands a character's feelings through their actions/dialogue -- not what your 3rd person narrator is saying.

overall - good piece of work! you're definitely talented & you have real potential!

Story Review Game: Chapter Five.

First off, I adore the layout to the story. The colours complement each other really well, and I can read the story without having to squint or go to the default layout. I’ve seen too many authors on here make their layouts too dark or too bright so that the actual story can’t be read. Also, the guy on the banner is cuuu-uuute, so you get points from me for that. Haha.

Now, for the chapter. From the very first paragraph, I could tell that you put effort into it because the sentences flow so smoothly. You don’t try to use fancy language or imagery (guilty), but it still drew me in. I heard a quote somewhere that the easiest things to read were often the hardest to write, so I’m assuming you must have worked pretty hard on this?

Even though I hadn’t read any previous chapters, I could totally relate to Logan and how he felt about the party, and you described the other characters so well ( Genevieve strolled over towards him in a whirlwind of perfume and strawberry-blonde waves.), so I didn’t feel unfamiliar with them like I normally would when starting a story halfway through (I hope that made sense). Oh, and this line made me giggle for some reason: Thomas was chatting with the DJ (whose stage name was apparently DJ Prince-L because the guy’s last name was Princell)

The whole chapter reminded me of a party in a typical teen movie (in a good way): it was quite predictable, but the way you wrote it made it seem fresh. At the end, I found myself inwardly yelling at Logan not to go with Kandi; the fact that you made me do that means that I already empathise with his character. And I’ve only read one chapter!

Overall, great job. I can see why you’re proud of the chapter! I hope the rest of the story goes well. I may even keep my eye on it now...

Story Review Game:

Reviewing Like A.M. Radio chapter five.

“Come on Logan, loosen up for once in your life!” Kendall yelled, throwing his arms into the night sky. Great metaphor.

“”Why are you so into this? The whole frat scene just doesn’t seem like you, Kendall.” Minor error, might want to fix this here. I'm sure you can see what you did wrong....

Oh God, the entrance to the party is just phenomenal. You touched all five senses, and there was actually an increase in my heart beat, which is usually what happens when I get nervous (ie: at parties). Haha. Love it.

He took the glass from her and stared at its contents for a moment before letting the alcohol-soaked Jello slide down his throat. The vodka burned, but the Jello soothed the sensation. Makes me crave alcohol. So not good, my dear. Kidding. Great description.

Look, I'm going to go read the chapters before this one (five), and give this story a lot more love. It's just outstanding compared to what I've read here on Mibba. I just love it.

Great outro to the chapter. Good luck with the rest. I'll definitely be keeping up.

Doctor

Thanks for bringing that up =)

Yeah, I'll probably go back tomorrow and add some stuff. I just wanted to get it all out before I forgot it XD

Wow, sounds like you wrote the last one in a rush :/

And you missed a thing before "shit" in the beginning.

But overall, I'm feeling bad for the both of them. Hope you add more detail!

Story Review Game.

Wow. First off, I looove that layout. It matches like a dream. The banner and background picture and everything… It just looks great.

The summary, too, is great. It let you look into the story a little without giving too much away.

Chapter 5.
First sentence - for one of the 'pound's, you should use a different word. And I'm not exactly sure what subwoofers are…

The next section - great. I love how the dialogue flows so naturally throughout the entire thing. It really brings the story to life, makes everyone sound like real people.

While Kendall was out in the middle of the main room dancing, Logan sat on a beaten up couch against the wall. Everyone was drunk off their asses and babbling incoherently, and the strobe lights and disco balls made Logan’s brain throb against his skull.

Genevieve strolled over towards him in a whirlwind of perfume and strawberry-blonde waves.
I love that. You managed to fit all this description into a short little paragraph without making it sound like too much. I also love that sentence about Geneviere; it makes her sound so… sexy. XD

He followed Alex out to the dance floor, and they bounced around to some Lady Gaga song mixed with another Kanye West song by the great Prince-L.
That sentence sounds a bit awkward to me.

God, I just love this party scene you've made. It's so cliche, but you pull it off well.

The room was suddenly filled with harsh fluorescent lighting, giving everything a slightly sickish green glow.
That's a great sentence. It's also the reason I hate fluorescent lights. xP

In the makeout scene, Kandi pins him up against the wall, but then he backs away… Which doesn't really make sense if his back is against a wall.

And also in that scene, I love how… confused Logan is. He just kind of goes along with it. Actually, he just sort of went along with stuff for the whole night. It makes him more realistic, because he seems like he doesn't really belong in that sort of scene.

Going back to the first sentence… now that I've read the chapter, it doesn't really make sense. I don't get why you separated it out from everything, and it was out of order with the rest of the chapter.

Overall, I really liked it. It flowed amazingly, the dialogue was perfect, and there were hardly any errors. Really strong chapter. (:

Sorry Frances, gotta have that cliff hanger to keep you on your toes.

Maybe Janet's soaps have gotten to me...

Logan technically doesn't have a girlfriend as of right now...

Kendall and Gen are "talking," and Kandi's dating Thomas.

Hope that cleared things up!

that was rong that was so rong.
i liked it x)
so, i just wanna make things clear, who's logan's love interest?
im not sure if i asked yet..
update again soon! i love this story

NOOOO. WHAT ABOUT TB? Kandi, why? :(

And poor Logan. Poor, poor Logan.

It was good though; I can see why you're so proud of it. However, Gen came off as a little uncaring towards poor Logan.

Chatper four: Meant to Be

I always love how you incorporate your music style into your titles.
Thomas glanced at his cell phone as he rushed down the hall to his biology class. He was late again, of course. He uttered a groan as he watched the small black numbers on his phone flip to 11:32.

Interesting way to start this chapter I can relate well, id had moments like this before.

Thomas noticed Kandi flash him an “L” with her finger and her thumb from her seat across the room.
That’s just sooo Kandi, haha goota love her.

On anyone else, the things Kandi did on a daily basis would be weird, but she somehow always managed to pull it off.
Such a true statement. I just love the way you write about Kandi.

I’m starting to get the feelings Thomas <3 Kandi from this chapter.

Her brown eyes flashed across the room towards the clock hanging on the wall above his table, but he knew she was really checking him out from the corner of her eye. As she was about to smile over at Thomas, the dark-haired boy tapped her shoulder to ask her something, and she immediately turned to face him.
I really like this description. I get some emotion evoked from this, like feel maybe they might have a thing for each other.

There was something about that boy that Thomas didn’t like, he just couldn’t put his finger on what it was.
Jealousy? Oh, I like.

Logan was definitely not Pike material, way too awkward and cautious. He was Sig Nu at best.
I was a bit confused by this. Like, this came out of nowhere. I would introduced this a little better.

Oh i see now, Kandi and Tomas and dating and he get a little jealous when others “look at her”. I like how you explained this without flat out saying so. Good job.

Now they were watching a video about pregnancy and childbirth. The lights were dimmed, the only light beaming into the room from the sun outside the four glass windows. The video had to have been made in the seventies or something because the quality was horrible. Thomas and the guy at the table beside him began to laugh as they watched the girls’ faces around them twist and groan as they watched the childbirth scene. He glanced towards Kandi, who had her hand over her mouth. Her eyes were focused on her nails as she tried to divert her attention.
This reminds me of my freshman health class. I kinda reacted like Kandi. I really love the description here I can picture this and how the room would react from this.

“Okay, so now that I’m never having kids…” Kandi announced as he came through the doorway. “How much does it cost to adopt a Chinese baby?”
I felt the same way after the video. I like how I can relate to Kandi

I liked this chapter though it was short. You stay true to the characters and they wouldn’t so something that not expected of them which I like. I didn’t find any grammar or spelling mistakes. Over all this is great. Good job.

Oooh party. Hopefully Kandi won't do anything I wouldn't do ;)

Great chapter, girl!

now..i cant give long ass comments cuz i dont have the time at the moment but i forgot, who's logan supposed to be with?
update soon =)
more logan xD

Story/Review Game

Firstly, your layout is just pretty bitchin', I must say. I know you borrowed the title, but I still think it's great. It's just very catching and makes you wonder.

(or Gen, as she loved to refer to her as)
I would have said "lovingly referred to her as". Maybe that's why I think the flow is just a little off here. I'm not sure . . .

I like Genevieve's thought process. It flows really well and it's very natural. It's not at all unbelievable. (I love Third Eye Blind, btw, so it made me giggle.)

I think the description of Kandi's things around the room is really well done. It's enough to keep us interested--I smiled--and enough to give us a glimpse (especially with the Post-It notes), but it's not so much that we get lost. You have really good way, I've noticed in your writing, of balancing description. You do the perfect amount.

She had only known Kandi for a few hours, and she already knew that that was a totally “Kandi” thing to do.
I think that's such a great line. Firstly, I was thrilled that since I hadn't read the first two chapters (though I skimmed the first half of the first) that Gen hasn't known Kandi much longer than I have. Secondly, it illustrated her personality without actually mentioning it at all. Clearly, Kandi has a very loud personality. And I was able to get a huge picture of her from this line about hearts on a Post-It note.

The part about "bangable babies", like that whole coversational exchange, made me giggle. I love funny dialogue.

I like Gen's introspective moment about how Kandi might be so happy because of the anger management of raquetball therapy.

I was a little confused when the guys appeared, just because I hadn't read the other chapters, but I went up and reread a few lines and I think I got back on track. I think you're setting things up really well with the interactions that will take place but without it seeming at all forced. That's something else I've noticed about your writing. At the end of the chapters you tend to give these very subtle hints that don't seem cliff-hangery at all.

It's a talent you have because we get a sense and we wonder, but it's not too much that someone might roll their eyes at it. I hate melodramatic chapter set-ups.

You did well. You always do. Even when I haven't read the rest of your chapters, I still manage to be able to read one pretty well without you throwing a shitload of backstory at me, which is pretty great.

I will admit I read this as original fic, so if there were things I was supposed to get as far as fandom, I definitely missed them and I apologize.

Layout: Breath taking. i like how it fit with the story but isnt too disctracting to readers. very visually apealing.

She was so tired of Third Eye Blind and hearing Kandi gush over them that if she heard that phone ring one more time, she was definitely throwing it out the window.
^^ i love how Third Eye Blind keep coming up in your stories. I can tell you're influced by them.

I like the bit about the phone. i can relate my one firend is constantly on her and it can get annoying. I like that you make their friendship believeble and their actions seem fitting for their age, along with where they are at. though they way you depict things I can say: Oh yeah, they act like college freshmen and not oh they seem more like high school freshmen.

How could she sleep through all this?
# if you want this to become a thought I would consider putting it in italics. totally up to you.

The paragrah where you described the Diffrences between Kaci and Kandi remind me of my twin and I. We are totaly opposites like them.

Genevieve couldn’t help but laugh quietly to herself. She had only known Kandi for a few hours, and she already knew that that was a totally “Kandi” thing to do. She only wished she could find someone she was crazy about, like Kandi was with Thomas.
^^^ I totally wanted to give her a good peptalk/ hug here.

“FYI Kaci, I am a great role model. Everyone should be a little more like me,” she grinned and ruffled up her friend’s short hair. Kaci narrowed her gray-blue eyes at Kandi. Kandi strolled over to the futon and propped her legs up on a storage bin. “Maybe I should go get knocked up, ya know, pass on my genes?”
^^ this made me laugh, it play out kinda comedic in my head :)

Kaci stared at her friend for a moment before answering. “Who the hell would refer to their nonexistent children as ‘totally bangable?’ What are you, like a child molester or something?”
^^ again here too. it reminds me of they way my friends are.

Kaci and Kandi fight like my sister and I do. I enjoy that a lot of this chater I can relate to.

Kandi is a bit of an odd out there person. when i read the bit about the moose on the eyebrows I was like What? then laughed. She brings excitment and personlity ot this chapter. I enjoy her alot. She like that cool friend even one wishs they had or the one friend they do have.

I laughed so much when Kandi scared Tomas and woke him up. Thats totally the "Kandi way".

Racquetball was a disaster. Kandi kept serving the ball and hitting Genevieve in the face.
^^^ I had a day like that with tennis. Haha.

Genevieve is totally crushing on Logan or as my friend Kayla Say She's totally digging on him. I can see it in the way your write. Its not like you put it as Gen likes Logan. You use deatils we have all experinced at one point or another. I really liked that you did that.

I like the boys they way they're messing with each other. Very realistic to what boys do and act. It doesnt seem like a girl is trying to write it and making it come off fake. Good job.

i like the ending It was intresting and cute. It kinda made me wonder where Loagn when off to.

I didnt find really anything wrong or that I didnt like too much.
Great work.

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