Anywhere but Here - Comments

The story is good but I see the same mistakes as Ms. Sobriety saw. I'll be glad to help with editing your stuff. I mean add detail to it so that you don't have to rewrite everything you may just need to help me with a few minor things like what she is actually feeling and what the charactors look like and who they are. You know more backround information on them.

I think she just means that you need to fix some stuff but if you want help alls you have to do is add me as a author and I'll fix all your errors and make everything the way she means they should be. I'll be glad to help, Christina. I mean describing situations and what not.

Okay, this is a constructive comment.
I don't mean to be offensive or rude, but there are a few things that you could do to make the story better.
First, ninety percent of your chapters are dialogue. That's a big no-no. It's hard to tell who's saying what, and you don't describe the scene while it's happening. It's very confusing.
Second, you have absolutely no backround to this story. It jumps right into action (but you don't even describe character action, so I don't know if action is the right word) without telling us what is going on. Like, you mention Amanda, but I have no idea who she is until Derek says he's 'breaking up' with her. That's the only thing that first hinted to her being his girlfriend.
Third, your dialogue is full of grammatical errors. There's too many to go into specifics, but it's mostly problems with commas and periods.
Fourth, though much less important than my previous corrections, this problem will have an effect on your number of readers. Your plot line is just too cliche(sp?). How many stories start off with the two main characters hating each other? Too many. Then, the plot moves so quickly that we barely get to know the characters.
So, there's my constructive criticism. I in no way mean to offend you, as I've said before. I really want your story to improve, because there are so few Derek stories on here and I would really love to read more. Keep working at your writing. :)

Whoa. First to comment :)
So I really like this story so far.