Catalyst - Comments

When I first read the description, I thought instantly of this one story I read on LiveJournal about Ryan's stage boners. (url=http://beggarsnotes.livejournal.com/63216.html]What He Had[/url], if you're interested.) Yes, Ryan, we all notice them. But that was completely the opposite.

I love the way this was written, though I love the way you write in general. There's always a very cynical/dark edge to your material, yet there's not always indefinite doubt of, for lack of a better phrase, a "happy" ending.

Either way, you remind me of why I love Mibba so much, in all its OTP glory... I have to stop using bandom slang. Anyway, have a nice Saturday!

First of all, I loved the way this was written. I loved how it showed both sides of the conflict, so to speak. I absolutely adored this sentence: “It wasn’t about you.” Ryan snapped, turning around, slightly hurt. I think it gave quite an interesting effect, to demonstrate, for lack of better term, that it did have nothing to do with Brendon.

I liked how this also included a first-hand demonstration of this particular fetish. It was very well written, and of course Rydon is always a plus. Thank you for entering my contest and congratulations.

DRU

I mean for serious did you have to taunt me with yet another Ryden sex type?! I swear these boys have to have a real one somewhere. 'Cause I soooo wanna watch it. ~Anyways.

I think my favorite part is where you described Ryan's scream when he threw the glass. Because it really seems that, that would be so unlike him but in a way I could also see him getting so angry to just let it all go ya know?

Oh and when Brendon was having such a hard time multi-tasking. XD (Thank God, because that would have been entirely too much for him to manage on his own.) Sorry Bden I lol'd.

So yeah, I loved this and I hope you win the contest!

I really like your layout. I never would have thought to use those colors and the banner is fantastic. Also the way you did the summery was very different what I have seen. It’s simple but not overly simple.

I thought it was an interesting way to start it off with the driving bit. My sister is like Ryan with the gas and not wanting to spend so much money at once.
And he’d nearly gotten in two fender-benders, flipped off six times.
I like how this sort of implies he a crazy driver without saying it.

So when he pushed the door open two hours later, he wasn’t exactly pleased to see Brendon sitting on the couch looking le pissé.
It was very interesting to use le pisse. It caught my attention but I had to look it up because I wasn’t sure what it meant.

He was completely ready to open his mouth and snap out some bitter retort before the first words had even been thrown, but he stopped short when he saw his video camera sitting on the coffee table in front of his boyfriend.
Oh snap what gonna happen next?

Brendon barely looked up. His voice was low, trying hard not to be angry. “I think,” he began, licking his suddenly dry lips, “that if you’re going to make sex tapes of us, you could at least tell me.”
Oh shit busted.

So Ryan sat on the bed and waited for the door to be thrown back open, for Brendon’s livid face to appear, and for them to scream and fight and eventually one of them would cry. But five minutes went by without a sound.
This was scary but great. I could perfectly visualize this happening. Great Detail I loved they way you described ryans scream and rage

Brendon’s thought and guilt about the situation seem real and I enjoyed that especially the part:
Questions just sort of echoed back and forth inside his head. Do I seem like such a prude that I wouldn’t like it? Is it some sort of sick game? And didn’t he learn anything from Pete?

You pay a lot of attention to detail and I love that. I liked how you refer to the camera with the “crunching of glass” part without saying it was referring to the camera directly. This part we begin to see that Brendon really does care about him
Brendon had shoes on, but he watched where he stepped anyway, not wanting to hear the crunch of glass under his feet. He sat behind Ryan on the bed, gently running his fingertips over the other boy’s spine.

The dialogue in their verbal fight is real and I love you wording as well as how you portrayed their voices. My favorite part of this was this part because of the details:
“And you think you’re the first?” Ryan laughed. Condescending at first, mocking, cruel, teasing. And then louder, more hysterically. His chest started to ache, but there was no stopping it. He fell forward, his face in Brendon’s shoulder, still laughing. And then he was sobbing. Tears, certainly, but the choking sobs tearing from his body. Hardly giving him space between enough to breathe.
I really enjoyed the way you introduced the flash back again it recaught my attention and made me want to read on. It also contained great detail too good job.
The boy’s eyes were wide open, this legs spread wide open, his mouth wide open in an obscene ‘O’. And the camera light was blinking, recording the wide shot.

The part after this was very unexpected and I really liked that twist. I was like Damn. You did a great job with the details of both of them undressing. The Details of the sex were very detailed and you could visually imagine it. I like how you really play u the fetish not only my having him get caught but showing the action of the fetish. I like the detail of Brendon’s Position (pun intended) on sex. That was great.
I enjoyed this paragraph a lot:
He varied everything. Speed, depth, squeezing Ryan’s hip, stroking him, not-t00-hard slaps on the ass. Just trying to see every expression he could. And after awhile, realization hit him as to exactly what he was doing. What he was getting off on. The same things Ryan wanted so desperately to see. And maybe, just maybe after all, this would be okay. And the fight, if one could call it that, would be forgotten.
I was only confused with the “what he was getting off on part” I had to reread it a few times. I would try re wording it.

“Harder.” And so Brendon fucked him harder, feeling Ryan’s hand twisting around his own cock. (Thank God, because that would have been entirely too much for him to manage on his own.) He caught the panting, the twisting, the arching. All bringing both of them, closer and closer and closer and . . .
^^I looooooooved this detail of the climax and well as the orgasm of the next paragraph. It is well put.
The ending was great and very fitting to this.

Over all this is great and shows the fetish well. I thought it was clever to incorporate the title into the story too.I hope this wins it’s a great piece.

New story.
Written for a fetish content.
Ryden.
~1500 words.

Happy reading!

xoxox
-Dru