Assurance - Comments

Yeah, that seemed way to rushed. The whole exchange with the father was completely unrealistic and I really don't know if people pay other's to kill gays in present day society. If this was the 1950s, I could believe it more. You don't delve into the Jack's own homophobia, and instead just made it some cheap homoerotic story. It felt like "lol gay guys kissing." The whole time.

The font was really bright to. You should change that.

Um, I don't even know where to begin with this. I read it on my DSI and I couldn't comment because it's way too hard to write a long comment on there. Alright, I got it.
Grammar. Can I just tell you? It's insanely hard for me to get through a story when there are so many grammatical errors. Missing commas, bad sentence structure, and all the works were seen in this. That's a big turn off. It happens in tons of places too, and there was verb confusion, just no.
The layout, personally, sucked. It's not hard to make great layouts, that's just pure laziness. I mean, the picture was fine, but the layout was too plain and made click the link to change it back to the default layout. I liked that layout better than yours.
The story itself was too far fetched for my liking. It was too jumpy when it needed to be a story. The fact that you gave a reason why he was in the club was great, but it needed to be more flowing. I think it moved too fast as well, I think you just wrote it too fast. There was no story or baseline, it was just too chopped up.

Good Luck!

Thanks for entering.
I was kind of thrown off though, I mean the events were completely random.
Like, one minute he was playing football with his dad and out of nowhere he comes out saying his gay, then getting kicked out. It didn't mesh.
But thanks for entering.