Opening Based on Devices and Desires - Comments

Roonil Wazlib.:

guiltfeeder:

Ooh, nice job. It's well-written and the description are great. Yeah like your first commenter said, it's like a news report but, it's like a... memory to me. Keep it up! ;)

I agree, it's like a memory.

It's well-written and informative.

i agree.

guiltfeeder:

Ooh, nice job. It's well-written and the description are great. Yeah like your first commenter said, it's like a news report but, it's like a... memory to me. Keep it up! ;)

I agree, it's like a memory.

It's well-written and informative.

Ooh, nice job. It's well-written and the description are great. Yeah like your first commenter said, it's like a news report but, it's like a... memory to me. Keep it up! ;)

oh ok, you wrote anymore stories or updates yet???

chucked with my old english book. wasn't very good anyways as I thought it had no plot.

wtf???
i get the first bit but not the bit on finding the middle road
av u put urs up on here yet

still good though. I got told off because mine was too 'descriptive' read: macabra gore that should be rated R.lol. Its so hard to find the middle road...

its ok, I probably should of explained it better in the description anyway

Ah, I see. Never mind my rant than :P

i no that but its only an opening based on the book `devices and desires` by P.D.James and i wrote it in the exact style and the opening paragraph had hardly any emotions in. and i only did what my teacher said

It’s good. Great descriptions and such, and it’s well written. But to me it feels more like a news report than a story. Personally I find it a bit dry if you know what I mean. It doesn’t really mediate any feelings. And because it’s so short I think that’s important. But I still think it was good :D.