Visitor - Comments

dmjalgjkf.
This is absolutely beautiful. I'm truly in awe.

I love the characterization of Garrett, and how you built up this image of his perfect girl. I was so stoked for him meeting back up with her, and I about cried when it actually happened. I was so caught up in this story, I kept scrolling back up and down making sure that was actually it. I knew since it was an entry to Melanie's contest it was to end like that, but I didn't want to believe it.

I adore the way you opened up with straight description, and then the first words of dialogue were the words of his bandmates. It added something extra, almost an air of mystery around Garrett, because we weren't able to see into his mind. It was fantastic, and immediately caught my attention. I like openings that are just description, especially if they're mind-blowing like yours are.

Your details are flawless, and the quirks you gave your characters added depth I haven't seen many other places. My heart went out to Garrett, and it nearly stopped when she opened the door. I couldn't believe it. You gave this story such a twist, and you pulled it off wonderfully.

Awe. Poor, flustered, Garrett. <33 He's such a doll. His dialogue was so believable, and I could hear him in my head. Just...gah. I loved this.

Oh whoa, dear. I'm so incredibly jealous. This is beautiful. (:
Lots of luck with the contest.