Restless Dreams - Comments

This was beautifully written, I pictured the scene as it progressed and wasn't lost. You held my hand with captivating adjectives. I really love the line, "She blinked, warm, salty tears streaming down her face."
You're very in touch with sense writing, which is my favorite. I would have loved more description between the 'wake up' parts towards the end. What did this place smell like?
The continuation of the marching band theme was very good at the end, to tie everything up.

Wow, this is just amazing. It really took my breath away, and I'm being genuine when I saw that. Your layout is beautiful, it's almost sinister, but still inviting to the reader. With each passing word I read I became more engrossed and more in love with this story. From the very first line I was entranced, there was no way I could stop reading, and I didn't want to either.

"The loneliness consumed her'', that is such a beautifully written line, it makes me fill up with sorrow and sadness for her, but it almost made me like this story more when I felt like that. If it makes any sense...
I haven't come across something where the main character is scared like this, like others I though it would be like a suicide story, but it was so much more. I honestly loved this. I think you did very well indeed. Good work!

Agreeing with laredo. I've felt like this so many times when I'm a sad/awkward/scary dream, I know it's a dream, but I can't wake up and I still feel shitty like in the dream. Obviously... I woke up eventually.

Anyway, I really did like this. It was kinda of a thriller, as well as horror, wasn't it? The words you used made her death so intense, that you could feel it, reading it off a computer screen. I really liked that, the initial guess I had on this was that the main character was going to commit suicide, but she was scared of not waking up. That's kinda different. I'm not a good undertone or subtext reader so, I don't know, maybe suicide is what you were writing. Either way, I was surprised. It's really refreshing not to see another cliche!

What I liked about this was immediately I felt as if I was in the main character's position. The way you described it all made me feel as if I was that girl, and I liked how you did that. Everything about it was eerie and unnerving. But your writing style is refreshing and clear, so I think that worked out extremely well on your part.

I like how you didn't glorify anything in this piece, especially her death. You said there was nothing, the room went dark, etc. It was eerie and haunting and I think this piece might stay with me for a while. What an incredible read.

I was literally glued to the screen for every word of this. I love the topic you've chosen and how you've portrayed it: no wars, no crazy zombie apocalypse and no gunning till the end. Just one scared girl or woman all by herself. I've definitely not seen the end of the word angle pursued in this way and it was really refreshing to read. The way that you write is refreshing as well. You use just the right amount of description and everything flows together so well. I can actually imagine being in her position from the sheer amount of emotion contained behind the descriptions. Absolutely amazing. The end just cinched it for me. There was no happy ending and I think that gelled so well with the rest of the piece.

Absolutely terrifying, but completely amazing at the same time. I loved this!

I'll be announcing the winners of the contest within the next week, so good luck!

Nice work, this was very eerie and unsettling.

Oh my God, I think I just hyperventilated a little. This was so haunting.
I have two favourite lines from the story;
1. "The loneliness consumed her, wrapping around her like a cocoon."
2. "...clung desperately to what consciousness she had left."

Bravo!

This is dark and beautiful. Your word choices are positively lovely, and this flows so nicely. It's brilliant as a drabble, and it could easily be something longer as well. :) The layout is beautiful also; I love the picture. Very nicely done. You are quite talented! I think I may just go smoop what else you've written I liked this so much. (:

This is really beautiful and kind of frightening. I love it. I can't imagine what it would feel like to experience that so I love stories that can put me into weird situations, as yours did. I don't really read drabbles all that often, but this is really great.

I think that your style of writing is simple, but extremely beautiful at the same time. My favorite. I think you crammed some really neat imagery into such a short amount of words, which truly is impressive. One of my favorite lines throughout this was "the cobwebs spread out like curtains across the window sill". That line just provoked such a great image in my head.

As for this being the first thing you had written after quite a while, I think it's really brilliant. Keep up the good work!

The layout was fantastic. My god, it's one of the best I've seen on here. It fits the story, it's readable, it's beautiful. I loved the whole atmosphere to the story, even though you straight out say that it's the end of the world, you still have the reader guessing, is it the end of the world? Is this drug induced? Is this really happening? So despite the low amount of words, you leave a lasting impression, which is hard to do with drabbles. A lot of your descriptions added to the whole not-real feel to story, which was wonderful because then we have the ending, She did not wake up. It shakes off any dreamy feel the rest of the story had. It's cold, and harsh, and cuts right through while still sounding elegant.

Wow. Just wow. No wonder this has so many comments. This is amazing. This was for sure my golden line:

Lying paralyzed between dirty sheets, she stared at the ceiling, her heart feeling as if it were pounding in her head.

The dirty sheets part was great. Just adds something to the image. Sets the mood, entirely. I loved this beyond life. The sad imagery, the emotions, you painted them all so perfectly. I was left with questions, but the good kind and no the you-left-something-out kind.

Wonderful.

beautifully done.

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I freakin’ loved this. You didn't need a lot of description. When I read it, I felt anxious. I love how in the little amount of words that was used you managed to make me feel like I was the one in the nightmare. I like the repeated ‘wake up’ it was something that made it feel more real.

The way you described her heart beating like a marching band was genius. This was absolutely wonderful to read. I’ve never known anyone to die in their sleep and I feel that you captured that very well. I would pick out parts that I liked, but then I would have to copy the whole drabble in here. Really, it was amazing. The way you described everything made it feel very awesome. I almost wanted her to wake up so that little glimmer of hope she had would come through, but I liked how it ended.

This was outstanding and I can’t find anything to critique about it.

Loved this. It was so intense, and each line was so potent and well written that I could barely tell that this was a drabble rather than a one shot. There was so much said without using very many words, and it was wonderful.

I like the simplicity of the layout, and I think the banner in the summary page really matches the whole vibe of the story.

This was really packed with raw emotion. I like that you only focused on what she was feeling, and didn't give an explanation of why she was feeling this way. It put the main focus on her loneliness and amplified the emotion. I think, they way you wrote this is what made it so good! You took a really simple idea and made it really great. I loved everything about this. (:

I like the simplicity of the layout, and I think the banner in the summary page really matches the whole vibe of the story.

This was really packed with raw emotion. I like that you only focused on what she was feeling, and didn't give an explanation of why she was feeling this way. It put the main focus on her loneliness and amplified the emotion. I think, they way you wrote this is what made it so good! You took a really simple idea and made it really great. I loved everything about this. (:

The ending was good. The description of the story was clear. I enjoyed reading this

I was a little scared it was going to be a real horror piece, 'Coz I'm not that keen on those :3
but it was amazing, well written, I didn't stumble through the words, they were easy and readable, t hold my attention to the end and I kind of wanted it to be longer. :/

amazing job! :)

Oh my god, the layout is wonderful. I've always liked darker layouts and this one is just perfectly suiting; not to mention the banner is amazing.

The title itself is very capturing. I like how the summary has a quote straight from the story; it gives you a glimpse of what you're going into without giving just too much away. It leaves the reader curious and wanting more. With that being said, just the first sentence of the actual story locks the reader in and makes it nearly impossible to just turn away from it.

“...strolling alone the sheets of her imagination.” You have an amazing way with words.

I can't even wrap my mind around how great this was. I didn't see any grammatical or spelling errors and found, literally, nothing wrong with it or worth fixing. The descriptions were short but flawless and easy to imagine. I could practically feel how she was feeling, too.

Great, great job. I'm honestly blown away. <3

This was glorious!
Your descriptions were simple yet extraordinarily powerful and the innocence and despair in your tone were beautiful. It flowed perfectly and was just scary enough. Amazing job.