Restless Dreams - Comments

Wow, this was incredibly beautiful. I'm honestly lost for words right now because it just flowed so well and was so incredibly great. I felt as if I were there - hanging upon every single word. The sadness and everything was so overpowering it was weighing down on my chest. Your writing skill is just. . .brilliant. :')

Here you go!

Layout: Simple, just the way I like them. Even though the picture isn't a part of it, it's still neat.

Title: A little cliche to me, but it does have the effect to draw you in.

Summary: Beautiful quote from the story, makes you want to read more.

1/1: Very, very beautiful. Simple, short (of course, it's a drabble, haha), but right to the point. it has amazing descriptions, you could almost imagine the silence, could almost imagine as if you were her. You could feel her sadness, her despair.

Overall: You're an amazing writer. It takes true talent to really put that picture into someone's mind, to make them feel like they were there, and you definetly have it. I'm sorry this isn't longer, but my mind is mostly thinking 'WOW!' It was amazing, it truly was.

This was just completely amazing. Everything about this drabble was beautiful. While I was reading, I could sort of feel the struggling that the person was feeling and how much she wanted to wake up from the dream she thought she was having. When I was finished reading, I was just so curious as to what happened to her and why she ended up dead. But, of course, it might just remain a complete mystery to me.

But anyway, I like the way this basically started out in the middle, or might I say end, of her life. Nothing that happened before, thus giving me questions, was explained which I think added to the emotions and distress of this piece and the girl. Anyway, I think this was a completely wonderful and sort of scary (that’s not really the right word) drabble. Good job!

I love this. It is very detailed. It sucks the reader in. I love how you managed to make everything fit into so little words.

This is absolutely beautiful and amazing. The beginning sentence drew me right in, the whole story is really well written. your style of writing is amazing. Loved it!!!

I liked that the layout fit the story and didn't overdue it at all. The entire story gave off a very uncomfortable, gloomy feel to it. I could sense the panic and I could really feel the horror in this piece. I thought that maybe this was REM-paralysis until I got to the end, which I loved that it wasn't.

Although it was a drabble, you didn't need a lot of description. When I read it, I felt petrified, tense and anxious. I love how in the little amount of words that was used, you managed to make me feel like I was the one in the nightmare. I like the repeated ‘wake up’ it was something that made it feel more real.

The way you described her heart beating like a marching band was genius. This was absolutely wonderful to read. I’ve never known anyone to die in their sleep and I feel that you captured that very well. This was outstanding and I can’t find anything to critique about it.

The loneliness consumed her, wrapping around her like a cocoon.

Restless Dreams has a beautiful opening. I especially love that last line of the first paragraph. You've got me on the edge of my seat right now, I have to know what is going on! We all have dreams in which we realize we are sleeping and try to wake ourselves up, but the fact that this isn't a dream/sleep-paralysis is really exciting to me.

I'm subscribing to the story and I want you to know that I loved the last line as well.

She did not wake up.

I liked the black color and I liked how dark it was like the end of the world. I like the title too.
Ok I commented first. This was for the swamp.
Please read my drabble Leaving Happy

Top notch layout. Really, really quality. It complimented the story perfectly, and that's a big thing for me. The layout should go with the story. Add to it, not overdo it, and never take away from it. The perfect balance. You have that.

Quite creepy! I really got goosebumps reading this. It seemed like something you would find in a big novel of creepy, short stories. The details you gave sent chills up my spine, and in the end I was left feeling sad. I wanted her to wake up. I could feel how scared she was. I've been that scared before.

You really set the scene for us. I could see everything, even if you didn't describe everything. I think a good story gives a good amount of detail, but not too much, so the reader can fill in the gaps without even realizing they're doing it.

The only thing I really noticed was the amount of commas. There just seemed to be a ton of them.

Other than that, excellent! I loved it; you're very talented.

Oh. My. Gosh.

That is about the only words I can think now that I have finished this. It's brilliant! Well written, just enough detail to tease and yet to also give you the knowledge you need to kind of fill things in on your own. I absolutely love this!

I loved it.
The last line gave me chills.

This was a really disturbing, beautifully written piece.
I don't read many drabbles and they're impossible for me to write, but good writing is good writing.
Great job.

I really like how you opened this up. "It was the end of the world..." I don't know what it is about that line, but it was very...poetic.

The repetition of "wake up" had a strong effect. And you did a great job of conveying the panic running through the girl's head in those last moments.

Very well done. =)

I like this! Especially the fact that it was in italics; that seems like a small thing, but it added an almost...unreal sense to the piece, which worked well. As for the actual drabble, I loved how...efficient your words are; each one is necessary to the story, each one has meaning...which is the true definition of a drabble.
Nice job!

I don't think I have any constructive critiscm for this story .
It was pure beautifully written . Pure art .
To be honest , this was the first drabble that I have ever read ... so I have no idea what to expect out of a drabble , but still ... this was pure amazing .
The words were just so strong ... and powerful and held so much meaning in them .
Plus , I was somewhat able to feel her ... anxiety, in thaqt situation . Not really cause i haven't ever been in that situation , nut yeah ... I was able to feel the emotions there :)
I liked it !

I read this like... Fifty times over. XD I really suck at drabble because it's all symbolism and metaphors, so forgive me if I drastically misinterpret things.

What I liked best: It was tense. The entire story gave off a very uncomfortable, desolate feel to it. It was panicked and I can definitely see your liking for the horror genre.

What I didn't like: It's drabble. XD Just a personal preference, but I like more concise writing where it's a bit clearer what's going on. That doesn't make the story bad or anything, but it just isn't my cup of tea.

Any writing that makes you physically feel something is amazing. You did it very well here. You didn't need heavy amounts of description. When I read it, I felt scared - like my chest went tight. Just goes back to being tense. It literally made me tense. If any kind of story can do that, you've got a golden piece of writing right there.

Also, the way it's written is very dream-like itself. If you read the story without the title "Restless Dreams" you would very easily be able to tell that it was a dream. When visualized, it doesn't make much sense for reality (empty street, abandoned house) and that just makes it beautiful.

But... Was it really a dream??? :O

I love the repeating phrase, wake up and then, she did not wake up. It makes this very strong.

I really can't say anything for improvement. >.< It's like it's... Perfect the way it is. I can't find anything wrong with it.

Wow. Fucking genius. I didn't plan on actually reading the entries until the deadline, but I wanted to look at every story to see if they had an original layout and I absolutely fell in love with yours and the passage in the summary grabbed my attention. This is by far my most favorite Drabble. I like, almost had no idea what was going on but it was written so beautifully and the imagery was so intense. I loved it.

This is... Spine-chilling, aha. It's very, very well written. The way you write really... Conveys the sense of horror through to the reader.

Mind if I ask where the inspiration for this came from? It reminds me heavily of the song "One" by Metallica... It's about a paralysed war victim, and I see similiarities, but that's just me xD.

But yes, there's not really any improvement I can suggest, except perhaps a bit longer? I l prefer longer stuff to drabbles xD.

The summary pulled me in. Like, seriously. I love that picture in the beginning-it's so eerie, and creepy. The beginning was a brilliant start: It was the end of the world, and she was all alone, unable to move. At first I thought of Resident Evil 'cause "the end of the world" but that's just me. AS you may, or may not know, I'm a line catcher. And I caught this line: The loneliness consumed her, wrapping around her like a cocoon. That's a unique simile, and a nice way to describe how lonely she was instead of saying, "She was so lonely." Your ending was also awesome. It gave me shivers :She did not wake up.

<3 Nicely done. Like, seriously.

Okay, first, the layout was absolutely gorgeous. I love how the banner went it with; it almost seems nightmare-ish to me, but still, it's called Restless Dreams, haha x] Anyways, like I said, it gave me a nightmare-ish feel. It was terrifying to read it, honestly, but there are very few authors on Mibba who can use emotions and just words to convey a message so well that it scares the pants off of their readers xD I also agree with Seasons Of Love when she said that the writing style sounds dream-like, which I think is great (:
You've done a lovely job here; really, I'm shocked that this doesn't have about a million comments on it like it should deserve. Lovely job! (: <3