June 21st, 2010 at 10:21pm
Story Review Game
Layout
I absoluetly loved it. The layout is gorgeous and seems to fit the summary and what this story is supposed to be about very well.
Summary
The summary was good and it really drew me in. I liked it a lot.
Chapter One
The many lights that lit up Broadway seemed dim that night. Danielle Gibson seemed to notice it, too. The city that she had grown so accustomed to looked dark that night.
I'm not sure why, but these sentances were very difficult for me to truly graps. I feel as if the flow was disrupted somehow.
Cars rolled past Danielle, trying their best to get over 10 miles an hour.
I love how this sentance truly portrays what everyone knows about new york.
Her long legs were freezing and she, then, regretted not wasting a few minutes to throw on some jeans.
I don't think the commas should be after she and after then.
The alcohol was what made her fall from the top to the bottom more bearable.
I love this quote. It gives some mystery to happened to her and why she fell from the top to the bottom. This deffinatley made me want to read on.
Danielle glided inside, almost like a fairy.
I love the similie. It painted the perfect picture in my mind of what Danielle looked like going into the bar.
She asked this distantly as she scanned over the many bottles of alcohol that decorated the walls behind the man.
I don't think "this" should be after asked. It seems disruptive.
She had first entered that bar a few weeks after Frank had started and for three years she had continued to go there.
I think there should be a comma before and....I'm not 100% positive though.
Danielle could hear her friend who she had so easily come back to talk down to her. You'll never be on top again. Danielle could feel hot tears ready to pour. You're a failure.
I loved how full of emotion this was. It really got to me. I love it.
After a few more drinks, Frank watched as Danielle fell backwards, falling onto the floor.
I think the word "falling" and the comma can be taken out.
Overall
I loved this. It was full of emotion and written wonderuflly. I really enjoyed reading it, even though this type of story really isn't my thing. It kept me interested and I enjoyed every second of it. Good job.
Seriously.
I love it.
I would've liked to read the second part, just to see how you ended it.
But this is still amazing on it's own.