I love this story - but its been so long since a update :'(
April 9th, 2013 at 08:47pm
I like how you’ve set it up; how the reasons for Gerard having a womb isn’t actually known, yet it isn’t completely random…there was confusion over it, and he’s considered a medical marvel, or something of the sort. It makes sense, even though in practice in the real world, it’d be quite out of the ordinary.
The sex scene in the first chapter was vague, which fit well, given that Gerard was drunk and wouldn’t have been able to focus a hell of a lot.
Which is what I’m doing right now. :lmfao That line made me smile. It just kind of registered that, one moment Gerard’s kind of having this inner monologue rant-type thing, then he’s like “Oh yeah, I’m getting laid right now.” :XD
Frank and Gerard’s relationship is conveyed well. I like that they’re sweet to each other and show affection, but it isn’t too over the top. Their everyday rituals portrays them as a realistic couple, and makes it clear that they’ve been together for a while (or at least, aren’t a very new couple). And the phone convo between Gerard and his mum helps to show their strong relationship, and also shows that she knows about Gerard’s womb, and is supportive of him.
Well, not the details of how she conceived, but you obviously get the picture. :lmfao I love Gerard’s kind of funny, kind of sarcastic remarks. They put more personality into his character and the chapters.
The fight was done well; the dialogue was realistic, and so was Frank’s reaction. He was naturally shocked, as anyone would be in that situation. I just think it’d be more effective and less of a strain on the eye if you put those parts in italics.
Mikey sat in the chair opposite me, listening quietly, occasionally throwing in a ‘what a jerk.’ I found that funny too. :XD I can just picture it; Gerard telling the whole story, and all Mikey has to say is “What a jerk.” This bit and the family scene in general was cute. It showed how close they are.
Another thing though; this sentence seemed to be worded weirdly to me. “Frank called when you were showering on your cell.” Perhaps it should have a comma? Or it could be “Frank called on your cell when you were showering.”
Aw, their phone convo was sweet.
Even though they don’t say it explicitly, just the way they talk it seems as though they’re already apologizing for the argument they had.Gerard’s reaction was realistic too; because, even though he’s had a womb all his life and, to a degree, must be used to it…pregnancy is no doubt daunting, especially since he’s a guy and it wasn’t planned. And Frank’s so sweet. :tehe: I love how reassuring he was, even though he’s kinda scared too. And it just shows how much he loves Gerard, that he’ll stick by him.
The relationship between Gerard and his doctor amuses me. :XD They’re so…sarcastic towards each other, and always seem to have a comeback. The fact that the eventual delivery of the baby will be dangerous helps to make the situation more believable, given that men don’t have the proper –cough- parts :shifty to deliver a baby.
I like that it doesn’t continue to be completely smooth sailing after Gerard and Frank’s first argument; it helps with realism and shows the struggles that a couple would go through if they found out they were having a baby and it wasn’t planned. And I think that Gerard’s definite decision to keep his child could partially be due to his close bonds with his family. I don’t know; kinda because he’d lead from their example.
Bert’s characterization is cute and funny. He seems like the jokester of the group, but still kind of laid back. And the scene at McDonald’s was nice. It helped to convey their friendship, and how they interact with each other.
I liked that when Frank came back, it wasn’t hugely emotional; well…except for Frank. :XD But he was drunk. It was sweet and kind of funny how annoyed Gerard seemed to be at some points.
Psh, Frank, you’d be a pwnful dad, yew eediot. :hand: Naw, I know I’ve probably said this repeatedly, but it’s so sweet…I find it kind of amusing how Frank is all sweet and doting, then he suddenly gets all feisty and primal when sex comes up, ~~ what with the ripping off of the shirts.
Shower scenes usually always are romantic to me. I like them.
Bert drunk is amusing. :coffee: Fact. :XD
Just thought I’d point it out (please don’t kill me), but you have an author’s note during the party scene of chapter 6.
“Fine. Cam, these are the idiots of society. Idiots of Society, meet my girlfriend, Cam.” I love Bob’s sarcasm. :XD And he seems the kind of guy who’d be shy like that, about relationships and what not. I liked that you kind of had some variation with how you introduced the other characters in this scene; so it was less of a list, and more of Gerard just observing.
I loved their reaction when they saw their baby on the sonogram; that fear and amazement, it was so sweet and showed that they were already forming a kind of bond with the baby.
“I think you should!” I snapped. “Before Alicia’s a single parent!” Nice. :lmfao And silly Mikey, how’d be expect Gerard to react? And especially since his hormones are out of whack because of his pregnancy.
The jumping over the counter thing was sweet in a way. It shows Gerard’s friendship with the other guys, being fun-loving, and helps to make him a realistic character.
Naw, their planning and everything is cute.
It shows that the realization has hit them, and they’re starting to think of the future and how best to prepare for the baby. And I like that the names they were thinking of aren’t the typical or classic names. It fits them, I think; how they’re contemplating kind of usual names.The sub-plot of Mikey and Alicia’s break-up fits well into the story, and gives it more depth; making it realistic and more believable.
Dude, quitting smoking must have been a huge step for Gerard, given that he smokes so much. But that’s respectable, and it’s responsible; and it shows care already.
I love Gerard’s persuasvie powers. :coffee: “I’ll give you more coffee,” I bargained.
I think you balance the story well between the serious stuff and the funny stuff; like with Frank and Gerard, it’s sometimes serious, sometimes romantic, sometimes funny…usually with Bert and the girls, it’s funny and sometimes serious. But the story has a good mix.
Oh, I noticed an incomplete BBcode in chapter 9.
Like he was the man in this relationship or something. I find that kind of funny, how Frank likes to be the man in the relationship, yet he’s usually the one sitting on Gerard’s lap. The whole description of Frank and his unwillingness to open up was written well; it shows more of his character and conveys how close Frank and Gerard are.
“We could have fuuuuun.” Inching closer. I could visualize Gerard saying that so well. :lmfao Oh my god, he’s a tease, poor little Frankie. Gerard can really be a betch when he wants to be.
Their house sounds so awesome…really grand and elegant. And it must have been a lot of effort for Frank to get it ready with the furniture and the candles and everything. It was really sweet, and must have been such a nice surprise.
The survey was cute (-needs to improve my vocabulary-). Gerard took it so seriously at first; it kind of emphasizes how nervous he is about becoming a parent so soon. But also that he wants to be prepared and care for Dillon as best he can.
I was all
when they found out they were having twins. That’s adorable.I’ve noticed that your writing style’s changed as the story’s progressed, in a good way, I might add. Not to say that your writing was bad before ‘cause it most definitely wasn’t…but I’ve noticed that you focus on emotion a lot more, which helps to, in a way, understand the characters.
I thought it was sweet, yet kind of sad, how nervous Gerard was about Frank’s reaction. It shows that he really loves him and cares about his opinion. But the ending to that chapter was adorable and perfect. They really have a close bond and it shows well.
Thanks so much for the dedication in the last chapter.
