The Bird in the Handkerchief. - Comments

I thought that this was your best piece. I love how you connected it to a past lifetime, like reincarnation. I love the idea of reincarnation. I have never seen a more talented writer!

"But inside he’s cringing because he knows that he was the boy in the bed crying and that he’s really no different now than he was back then. It’s so much easier to wish than to fix your problems." These are my favorite lines of this story! They are so powerful and meaningful! I love how your stories are so easy to connect with!

Keep up the good work! :]

Chapter One:

I really liked the feel I got once I finished reading the summary, and skimming over the first writing piece that inspired you to write this one. I got a lullaby feeling almost, and (everybody knows I love lullabies) that alone already gave it a good tone for me at least. I really love this title, it sounds like it could be a nursery rhyme all on its own.

"There’s no rise and fall in its chest. Ryan reaches out and gently picks it up in one hand even though he knows it’s stupid and that it could be carrying one of a million diseases."--I remember you saying something about loving simple narration, and to be honest, I'm not use to reading simple narration because I don't really write simple narration, but this is well written and it flows beautifully. (I need to try it more) I think this is the first time where I'm actually reading something that isn't too descriptive and I see everything that's happening, I really like your words and how you written this. In some parts it feels there are run-on-sentences but it flows, so well done with that. Your words are soft here, and Ryan is so innocent-like that is refreshing to read. I liked the natural reaction of people who heard or saw when a bird fell. But its mainly children who pick up birds and are amazed at the fact that it's not moving anymore, and that's kind of how they understand the aspect of life and death. I remember that was me and my best-friends little sister first conversation about life and death when a bird fell from somewhere.

"A strangled sort of sob makes its way out of Ryan’s through throat and he squeezes his eyes shut, trying to fight the tears, but they burn his irises and he lets his eyes fly open, a sharp exhale almost making him choke."--I liked this whole paragraph, but I think this line got me the most. I liked the connections Ryan tried to make to the bird, and his emotions are portrayed admirable throughout this piece. If I was in Ryan's shoes I would be crying also because to me birds represent life and freedom, a freedom humans can never have. I don't know how many times I wished to trade places with a bird, but I can picture Ryan whispering to the bird to "wake up", and it's not.

There's a lot of symbolic meanings in this, and it's so much to grasp, I believe.

"But when he’s in the bathroom washing his hands, the tears find their way to his cheeks again and the thought of a happy ending seems impossible."--This line here made me think of the movie, Donnie Darko. Towards the ending where Donnie is in his bed laughing because he saved his family and friends, but he was satisfied about his actions, and thought it was the right thing to do as a human being.

I kind of liked that Ryan was upset and telling himself that the bird was stupid because it didn't remember it had wings.

I really loved how you connected these two one-shots. They mended together seemlessly despite the time difference. There were so many good lines in here also. "He had the feeling, like when you remember something but it’s gone so quickly that you’ve forgotten what you were beginning to remember." I totally felt that reading it.

"There was a boy on a bed crying, dreaming of flying." the rhyme there makes it simply flowy and also there's alot of imagery that reverts back the original story.

I love how in the last one, he's kind of struck dumb with childlike desire, but here he wants to think he's gotten away from it. But he can't outrun it because a simple dead bird can make him so emotionally charged.

I found it intuitive, smartly symbolic, and very well worded. You seem to have a real talent for always picking the right words and arranged them in a way that is unexpected yet still easy to read. They always flow by nicely. Thanks for this. I throughly enjoyed it.

Morgan

New story.
788 words.
A companion piece to a story I wrote nearly two and a half years ago.
Ryan Ross character fiction.

Happy[?] reading!

Thank you for every comment/review.

xoxox
-Dru