I'm Not Gonna Crack - Comments

I’m here as the new host for ‘The Band Dude Contest’.

Wow, this one-shot took me for a wild ride. I definitely did not expect for you to execute the prompts from the contest as you did. Especially when you started it out with this really nice, summery scene of the beach. I was expecting something cute, maybe mildly angsty, but overall just a cute one-shot but NOPE. Instead, you slapped me with Brian having a meltdown over possibly having killed his friend. I say ‘possibly’ because I’m not very persuaded into thinking that he did. I’m not sure what I think happened, but I don’t think Brian actually did it. I do like that Jimmy is there for him and calm and making Brian face everything, but I was also kind of confused as to why Jimmy was so calm. The smack at the end probably startled me more than it did Brian. I was just kinda like JIMMY??? ?

Concrit wise, your dialogue tags should have had commas rather than nothing at all and there were a couple of spelling errors that stood out kind of blindingly. For example:

“I can’t do it” I simply said, sitting steal in the same position I have been for a while. “I can’t do it” I said again, shaking my head. — There should be a comma at the end of each other dialogue lines, in front of the second quotation mark. Also, ‘steal’ should be ‘still’ in this context. So this entire thing should more so be like: “I can’t do it,” I simply said, sitting still in the same position I have been for a while. “I can’t do it,” I said again, shaking my head.

Other than those little errors, I thought this was an intriguing and well-written story. It definitely provides some questions that I wish had been answered, but I liked the ambiguous/mysterious ending too!

Me-sa like. Me-sa want more.

I really love how you wrote Brian's feelings. And that first line was really well written. And...Cliff-hangers, why can't I learn to write them? Dangit.

First off, I love the title and chapter title. Nirvana, ftw.

I like how it started off casually with the description, and then 'A perfectly beautiful day – the sun is shining, people are laughing, the sky is blue, birds are twittering and I killed my friend last night.' I love that line, it's awesome, funny and just perfect. I honestly don't know what to say other than it was so well written and nice to read, I like how you ended it without seeing Billy's parents reaction. :).