You Were Right, I Was Wrong. - Comments

So I wanna thank you for joining the contest and I look forward to reading more stories of yours, if you've entrered them-which I'm sure you have.

For starters, I really liked the summary and the layout. I thought the summary had a ton of passion and depth and it made me want to keep reading the story. I liked the layout and it was really easy for me to read and it didn't hurt my eyes, which is a really great thing! It had me excited to read what you had produced as the story. Another thing I liked was the heart break and the sorrow that both men dealt with and how they did miss the other. I really liked how you put passion into their actions. I also liked how the story had build up, it started off a little less energy and then picked it up as the story went along. I also liked how you made the story based around the breakup of the band because that was a topic that you could do a lot with and I say commendable job you did. I liked that you made the two boys kiss that was a really nice touch to the story.

There were a few things that I wasn't as impressed with, but I mean no offence and am not bashing your writing in any which way. One thing was the ending. It left me longing for a little more. I wish there was more of a bang! I was so excited that the story was picking up speed, and then it just kind of stopped. I felt that the ending didn't cover as much ground as I was hoping for. I also wish that I would have been a little more captured and captivated than I was. I was into it, but at the same time I wanted just a little more.

I once again want to thank you and wish you the very best of luck.

;~; oh my lawd, my fucking creys. Jon was an asshole, omg. You made my heart hurt. Still good, though. <3

I work on the comment as I read it, so naturally, I'm starting with the beginning of the story.

I really like how this starts off, not too shocking or anything. I like that, then you're eased into the story, not thrusted into it. Very nice.

I find the scene where Brendon locks eyes with Ryan to be very, very realistic; I love how you showed, and not told, how nervous Ryan was. That bit about his Adam's apple bopping up and down was brilliant.

"When Ryan stood back up he began messed with his hair like he used to when he was nervous around Brendon." I think you meant "messing", here.

"Ryan’s eyes widen like a deer in headlights right before he started to sing." I think that should be "widened".

When Ryan began singing, the words that he sang really added to the story. I love how the story seems to be loosely related to the song, at this point, at least.

I love how when Ryan starts having difficulty, and how realistic that is as well. It wasn't a choppy description of it, either. Very well done.

The next part about the shot glasses lining up before Brendon added even more emotion to this, which I liked. The part where he was doing it to chase away what Ryan had said was a great line, I loved it.

After that, when Brendon is talking to Jon in the dressing room, really made Jon seem like a brother to Ryan, kind of like when he noticed Ryan was upset onstage.

I really liked the ending of this, too, when Ryan at least seems to accept that Brendon had come to see him, and didn't want anything more than that. It was so beautiful when Brendon had said "Ryan, I don’t need you for anything except a reason to keep my heart beating.”

I think it would have been nice to know what happened after this ended, but it's perfect the way it is right now.

This was really nice.
Really nice.
Of course, you know it was well written and all that jazz, but not only that it was good.
The emotion was amazing in this.
The only thing that sort of bugged me was how short their little tiff was. I think it probably could've been a little longer, but other than that it was amazing.
I really liked that line at the very beginning. Something about letting his feet follow the music? I think that was just beautifully put. And accurate, considering he's a musician.

So you totally make me want to jump off a bridge.
But in the best way possible, if that makes any sense at all...?
Well you get me, I'm really bad at explaining how I feel.
But I swear this is all a part of the conspiracy Melly, I am crying.

I'm so glad you wrote this! I told you it was going to be great!
It was more than just great, it was awesome... amazing... incredible... do you get my point?
I loved it and the way you described what was going on and the actions, it was just fantastic.
You're a great writer and this was just... well you know. XD

You know I read this previously, so I'm basically just going to post that again.

What I really like about this and really notice is how Ryan and Brendon parallel each other. How you see their actions. Brendon is angry about everyone getting into TYV (like, duh, but whatever) and it grates on him, so he drinks. And Ryan has difficulty concentrating.

And they are both reacting toward each other with similar emotions, but very very different actions. And I think that's a really interesting way to present this. I also like how you tied it in with the lyrics, but without being overt and overly cryptic.