Wishes - Comments

Judging had begun. I like the first paragraph about adult friends. The paragraph was very real and not full of useless fluff. I particularly liked your choice of words when it came to words such as trite, chattering, and ridiculous. You used really strong descriptive words. The heart beating and nervousness was conveyed well and built a bridge between reader and story. I did not like the use of parenthesis in the fisrt paragraph. I found the parenthesis unnecessary because that bit contained completed the thought of why the adults came in handy.

this was pretty. i adore your character, elena, and her history and the snapshots of her life you wrote. (:
logan sounds incredible and i admire that, too.
but, when writing dialouge, it should be a comma instead of a period before the end quotation. i.e., My apologies, Ms. Morrison, my thoughts were elsewhere," I said. instead of the period there. (:
His hair was dark and slightly unkempt, but not so horribly messy that it looked back.
and i was wondering if, instead of "back", you meant bad?
you could definitelydefinitelydefinitely keep going with this, instead of leaving the reader desperately wanting to know what happened. :P
this is good. creative and simple.

Oh Alice.

You know how to turn insomnia into ingenuity.

This drabble has caught hold of me and I'm still waiting for it to let go.

Elena is a cute character - and you've set her up so well in so little words.

Then comes the real high point - Logan. And all poor Elena can do is wish.

The semi-cliffhanger both upsets and pleases me. I want to know more but the ending fits. Dammit.

I didn't see any flaws either. I love it.