Take Me to Infinity - Comments

Review Time~
Well firstly, I really like your layout. It's clean and simple and I also really like the banner.
I love how this was originally a one shot and then made into a story.
Your writing is amazing. They way you describe everything from the characters to the places, to the emotions; it's all just wonderful.
I like the plot of the story as well. It's one of those '2 best friends pursue their dream' type stories and I love those. While it may seem typical, I think it all depends on how the writer proceeds to write the events and characters, if that made sense.
Speaking of characters, I really enjoy Autum. She's a strong girl and that's always good to see.
I enjoy where this story is going so far and hope for more soon.

Layout and Summary: I really like your layout - It's simplistic and the banner is a nice addition. I liked the summary because there's enough there to get you interested, but not too much that it gives away the plot. I really like the tagline -A moment, a love, a dream, a laugh, a kiss, a cry. - it just gives a nice feel, and made me intrigued to read it!

Content: I won't say too much about the first chapter as you've said you'd rather others were reviewed. :)
I really like how you introduce the story. Due to your summary, I had a good idea of what would be going on, but your opening paragraphs really set the scene. By the end of chapter one, I had really got a feel for the characters involved.

Something i've noticed from reading the first few chapters is that you have a very individual style. Your writing has a good flow, and you don't over complicate your plot, your characters, or your descriptions. I find myself being glued to the chapters, and feeling like I really want to carry on reading, even though i'd never even heard of Breathe Carolina before now!

You develop you're main character, Autum, very well. Your characters are very realistic and almost jump out of the page at you. You made your main character strong and inviting, which is something, in my opinion, that every story should do. I began to find more depth to other characters (Kandi, etc) throughout the later paragraphs.

Your plot is realistic, which is something I really like. There's no ridiculous giant event within the first two paragraphs, and the characters aren't over the top. I like that it didn't follow the cliche of the main characters falling in love straight away.

On of the things I really admire is that, from what I can see, you listen to what your reviewers say and react to it. You take peoples comments and adapt your story to it, aswell as following your own plots and ideas.

I think you're grammatically strong, and I haven't noticed any errors or the like whilst reading which made me happy. :)

In conclusion, I want you to know that I really enjoyed this. Even though I'd never heard of Breathe Carolina, I really felt like i could understand it without needing prior knowledge, which is what i find with lots of other fanfictions and stories. I like your individual style and the fact that I can read your story with ease and interest!

Very well done :)

I hope this was helpful to you! :)

I'm reading the first chapter and I'm like "Wait...this sounds really familiar. And I realized, that I read the first chapter before XD Apparently when it was a one shot, and now I see that you turned it into an entire story which I am very happy to see.

I don't want to go the easy route, since I know you are trying to edit, but grammar wise you are a very strong writer and I like that. I didn't really see any mistakes when I read the second chapter, which allowed me to be completely engulfed in content.

Content Wise: I definitely see this being like a "Sex in the City" novel, or a typical "young strong woman" novel. Which isn't a bad thing. You have the writing style that could get published. It's easy to read, interesting, and you have a main character that's likable. She isn't a ditzy typical girl, but she isn't the "I'm too cool to fall in love, look how strong I am RAWR" type of girl either. She is someone many people can relate to. And as someone who is 23 and thinking of moving away from my surburban lifestyle, I can relate to Autumn.

I still think Kandi is a little one-dimensional, but since this is now a full length story, it gives her time to grow. Which I like. I think it was kind of crazy that she is already sharing the same cup with Logan. I mean, germs man. We don't know where that guy has been! But there are girls like that haha.

This isn't the kind of story I would usually read, honestly. But I really like your style and think you are a very good writer, a bit typical. But Typical isn't a bad thing, and I don't mean typical as in 'Mibba" typical. I mean, you could get published. This is something young women would read. This is something that could be picked up. So in that sense, I think it is very good. Continue to write and edit. You are doing a great job :)

I really like this. It's very well written.
I love how you use not so common words through very common ones, if you get what I mean. Very good expression of feelings, as well.

The layout is kind of plain and there's a big massive white spot there? :S I'm not sure if there's meant to be a banner or not?

But I liked your summary, it was short and to the point, just giving the reader enough detail without giving too much. You make good use of descriptions, they flow nicely without being too extravagant and over the top. Lol, I laughed at the whole comparing tans scenario, it's so typical of teenage girls who live near the beach to do that. xD The characters are kind of shallow, not saying that in a bad way, but I get the feeling this is kind of a fun, summery-love story so it matches the plot. :)

Well done :D

This is amazing!

Firstly: Ooooh, such a pretty layout and I like the title a lot (: alliteration ftw!

Onto chapter twelve!

I love all of the beginning paragraph. It's smooth and sleepy and it actually feels just like waking up.

I also like how you never exactly mention that Autumn is worried and nervous, but with your words and descriptions you can tell she is.

At some points, I like your use of italics and I feel they really work.

"just…caught up."

"Giddy was the"

However, I do feel that at some points, where you used the italics it was unnecessary. It focuses too much on that one word when the whole sentence is just as important. In the two instances I've given you though, it works and is understandable because those words are more important than the others. I hope this made sense xD

I like Autumn because she is very much like a real girl and I can relate to her, and I'm really hoping this thing with James works out (: that's a good way to leave your reader - hopeful, feeling related to the characters,and very much making them feel like this is a real life thing going on. I like it! I have a feeling I'll be reading the rest of it as well (:

Okay, I'm afraid I had to stop reading halfway through chapter two or three.
You're a very good writer. You have developed Kandi very well and I very much understand what I can expect from her. Your use of language in and out of dialogue is very good, and I congratulate you on your use of humour and words like 'swagger' and 'don't hate', as it's very relevant to today's society.
I have to say though, I really can't continue reading on in this story because I don't like your main character. In what I've read she's boring, a bit uncomfortable around people, and very bland. I didn't see anything she likes or wants to do, or any real spark or charisma in her.
I do feel extraordinarily bad in bashing your character, so to make up for it, I'll read the rest of the story and maybe comment again later with how sorry I am for judging so early on. I didn't come onto your story to be rude, and I hope you forgive me, but I felt I needed to tell you that some people may not be able to relate to your main character as well as a character like Kandi, who is so much more lifelike.
Sorry again. I do feel really bad. :/

I loved this chapter. I'm glad Autum is finally seeing that she deserves James, I'm looking forward to their relationship. (:

I love this story. you are really good at exchanged between people. you have the tones right, when the two girls are talking you can see how close they are and when Autum and James are talking you show how their relationship is evolving. brillant

This story is so unconventionally sweet. Nothing really goes as you expect it to, I love that. It keeps the readers on their toes and looking forward to the next chapter without the typical "dun dun dun" cliff hanger. I hope Autum and James's relationship develops as slowly as she hopes it will, I've never been a big fan of automatic lovers like Kandi and Logan (though I think they're great together). You do a good job of sticking to the characters personalities and I think that makes them more realistic (despite the fact that,you know, James and Logan are real people). Keep up the good work!

So I'm glad that I finally have the time to claim something; I'm especially glad that I claimed this story, haha! Anyways, last time I read, I left off at the end of chapter 1. So onto chapter 2. I like how the chapter started off; it had a really chill and calm vibe about it, especially when Kandi was there. It seems like she's a comic relief for the story, hahah! I also really love James was totally walked up to her like nothing happened xD He's such a cutie and I love how chill he is; I do like guys who smile and aren't all emo all the time. Ahem. I like James. I really, really do and I hope that he and Autum have something going on later. Hope the date goes well! :D
I'll definitely be back to read more later. Lovely chapter! <3

chapter 12:
I skipped a lot, because I wanted to see how the relationships are forming ;)
Oh, shes on a date :D! Is she going with James? that's what I'm expecting
Aw, I wish she wasn't so self conscience about her looks, I bet she's pretty
Wait, why can's Autum go to Kandi? I don't understand
Probabaly my bad with skipping so many chapters :/
I like how Autum really is happy about the date, and really likes James,
but she isn't like "ohmiiigoshh James is like so totally hot ahh!" you know what I mean?
I would be antsy too, I mean come on James Maslow!
It's a cute ending to chapter 12 :) I'm excited to read about the date!

I like this layout, it's all very pretty for sure :).

I already like Autum from what I've just read, which is one paragraph. She seems like a realistic character, and an interesting one at that. Oh, Logan, how I love me some Logan Henderson :) haha. I like how you are using the four boys as themselves, instead of their characters on the show. haha I like Autum's nickname :). Hey, free liquior, a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do. Even if that means being third wheel with your best friend and her date. haha their conversations between each other is funny xD. Gosh, James is so hot, who wouldn't want to start talking to him? And from the interviews I have seen, he seems like a pretty nice guy. Oh, she knows she wants to get to know James, I mean come on now. xD "I gotta keep my swag on" haha.

I really liked all of ths, good job! :D

I've read your last couple of chapters, as per your request, just so you know that's what I am basing this off of.
I think your characters are pretty well developed and relateable and you've got a great and believable story/idea worked out here. You have some strong moments and interesting metaphor in your writing, and I really envy your ability to be funny. For example:
Autum knew when she spent ten minutes deciphering Heidi Montag’s relationship with Spencer Pratt on The Hills that the satellite signals were somehow frying her brain.
Overall, it's pretty cute. :)

Alright so this time around I read latest two chapters eleven and twelve. I know it's not much, but it's almost six am and I should really sleep soon. Now enough about me, onto this story!

Alright so I have to admit, that you do a wonderful job with description. Long chapters put me a little off sometimes, but with each of these chapters, there is a purpose to the length. You bring Autumn to life. She is a very indepth character and very real. And the little details like the grease from the pepporoni and the different kinds of pizza that they like are nice touches of detail that don't weigh the story down.

Chapter 11 - I really liked the character development that I saw here. Especially as she is watching her friends and figuring them out while also trying to figure herself out. Though there was one thing I didn't care for. I don't mind swearing when it has a purpose, but she calls the TV a fucking TV at one point and it seems to have no purpose. It's as if the word is there just to be there which takes away from the story.

Chapter 12 - Here I found the charcter development almost backwards in a way, but it was the kind of backwards that adds to your curiosity. While she is wanting to share what she feels, she keeps it bottled inside. It leaves you wondering not only why but it also brings out more of those lovely details that make Autumn who she is. I think if she had gone to her friend it would have taken away from her character so while it almost seems a little confusing, it adds to the excitment and makes what feels unsatifactory rather pleasing.

Hooray for James Maslow! He's yummy. :3 Anyways... I'm glad I read this. It's cuuute. I like it especially because it seems more realistic than most fanfictions out there. A lot of them are pretty far out. I'm happy you didn't make Logan and James vampire pimps or make Kandi and Autum their sex slaves because I'm afraid I would lose my faith in humanity completely. Anywho. I really like it and I hope you keep up the good work. :D

Okay, you said that you didn't want chapter 1 read, but hell, I had to read it to understand what was going on, hahah! Anyways, I really, really love the variation with Autum's name. I couldn't figure out how to pronounce it until I was like, oh, okay xD On a side note, this was completely adorable. It's a true joy to read; it brought so many huge smiles to my face (: Honestly, I'm sick of reading stories where these two kids meet at a club and instantly fall in love. Unless it's Disney, that sometimes won't happen. >.> Anyways, once again, I freakin' love how you wrote this. The details and emotions are all there; you feel and relate with the characters. Not many people know how to work with that, but you nailed it :D
I can't wait to read the rest! <3

Alright so I've only read the second chapter so far (I would have started out with the first, but since you requested no review on the first, I decided to start with chapter two!) You have a wonderful writing style. It's very straight forward and open. And while this isn't someting that I would usually read, it didn't leave me bored or feeling like something was wanting. I rather enjoyed it actually. Well written.

I read the first chapter of this story, and I really, really like this!

I love the dynamic between Autum and Kandi - how Kandi is ditzy and bubbly, but she always has Autum to bring her back to earth. You establish their friendship clearly, with the nicknames - "K" and "Sall", how adorable . This kind of reminds me of Gossip Girl, which i love love love ;D

It's nice to see a story that isn't serious, that's about partying and having fun and best friends :] good job, I'll definitely keep reading!