Us Against The World - Comments

  • watermelon smiles.

    watermelon smiles. (100)

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    Member
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    30
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    United States
    ACK! -slams head on desk-
    Did I not comment on this? Arg, I feel so stupid.
    I really should have commented on this earlier. Please forgive me.

    This story was really cute. Their relationship is so incredibly adorable.
    Valic's mom is a bitch for flipping out at him like that. She can go die in a hole.
    I love that despite the not-so-happy conversation Valic had with his mom, the entire story was incredibly sweet.
    Like, I can tell, even from a simple one-shot, that their relationship is a strong one.
    And the proposal scene at the end was the most precious thing in the world.
    It made me squeal and giggle and my brother gave me this weird look.
    As for areas for improvement, I dunno maybe it's just my own stylistic preferences, but I would have liked to see a little more description/narration as opposed to just blocks of straight-up dialogue.
    But really, adorable adorable story. I loved it :]
    And no spelling or grammar mistakes as far as I can see, so you get extra brownie points for that.

    Thanks for entering my contest! Good luck!
    June 6th, 2010 at 09:13pm